Is it just me or is everyone else's child a genius?

[Pinkmakeupbag]

Maybe I am just bitter and jealous but it seems that everyone I meet, colleagues, relatives, friends, I even see it on here. Says that their child is exceptionally bright, advanced, top of the class, excelling academically. They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

I feel I'm the only mother with perfectly average children.

One of mine is conventionally academically very bright; the other has SEN and is savvy rather than overtly cruising along at the top of the class.

I've got more confidence in the savvy one being one of those brilliant multi-millionaires despite her dyspraxia than my top of the class one to be honest - I think personality will come into it more in the long run.

I have a daughter who got average scores all through education. She was lazy and could have done better with some aptitude but she came out OK in the end.

I now have a preschooler who is also probably average (I have never given it any thought to be honest), but she has a lot more street smarts than my eldest. I am more than happy that she may have some common sense as my eldest certainly didn't 😂

Academia isn't the bee all and end all. We need to try and raise well rounded, resilient children.

ds very bright (in thirties!) practical he is not!
conversation
ds to me (at uni) " how do I turn cooker on?"
me "is it gas or electric?"
ds "don't know"
me " what shape are the hobs? (conversation goes on for several minutes!) does it have a plug?"
ds " where?"
me "look on wall?"
it took us about 15 minutes to tell him how to turn on electric cooker ...
& there are various other family stories ...
He is a lovely guy though
(OK so I am his mum)

I used to feel jealous of the kids who were soooo bright at primary, and early secondary, but time has shown that the brightest are not always the most successful.

The top boy in DS class at primary got a low degree last year, and has spent a year lazing at home, doing a bit of online learning. He has never done a days work in his life, yet his mum still thinks he will be snapped up by a top company 😳. They are all very bright in the family, but not particularly successful. His mum complains about her lowly job, despite 2 degrees, but complains about every job she does!

DS has just got a first class science degree, and is currently doing retail work, long hours, as his preferred career path-was badly affected by Covid. He had had a great year out of uni working in that industry, and hopes to get into it in future, but is realistic enough to be looking at other graduate jobs too.

@Ariela

Mine are typical average kids, and wouldn't have got to grammar. Didn't ever get the best grades (other than 1 A* photography). Not spectacularly good looking, no major sporting achievements. However they are polite, helpful and kind, and I'm immensely proud of them.

Rightly so.

Mine aren't. In fact I'd call them both average at best. They both have their "talents", one being above average in English and the other being so good at maths that I honestly have no idea where she gets it from. But everywhere else they just sit in the average section. I also have one daughter who is a talented dancer, and another who wants to be the worlds best gymnast....but three years after commencing gymnastics she still can't do a cart wheel...but I continue to take her because I'm her mum and it's my job to support her. I don't sit there thinking (or indeed saying) she's amazing, because she isn't.

I'm in no doubt that both my children will do well in their exams because they will have me to help and support them. Then they will go on and live whatever life they choose, and I'll support them because I'm their mum. Reading some of the posts on here how people grew up to have miserable lives and mental health problems because they were pushed academically actually makes me quite sad.

People don't advertise their child being average so that's why there are no 'average' children.
Our kids won't be going to grammar school because its over an hour away and no direct bus!

My 2yo eats porridge with his hands
Terribly gifted indeed

If everyone is top of the class then top of the class is average.

My DC have above average IQ I know that because they are also dyslexic and one is dysgraphic so they were tested as part of the diagnosis. They were slow to read and DS1 has only really started to reach his potential in 6th Form. Neither of mine have been top of the class. Given how hard they have had to work to get where they are I am really proud of them.

I wouldn't sweat it. My last IQ test result put me in the 99.7th percentile ad I got 100% on the Mensa sample test I took, but take it from me: school results and genius classification are meaningless when it comes to the important stuff in life. (Don't get me wrong, I love being intelligent and wouldn't trade it or having been to two of the top universities in the world, but it's not everything.)

Having high IQ does not automatically mean you're going to be happy in life. It doesn't give you a problem-free ride. It doesn't mean your learning stops with school work and standardised exams, and your top grades mean you have a charmed career where everyone else recognises your superiority and promotes you at the speed of light. It doesn't mean you're going to be richer than everyone else. It doesn't mean you're always going to be classed as a 'genius' (I went to a very selective grammar school and most of the kids I was there with have the exact same lives as everyone else who didn't get in to that school, they're not exceptional in later life).

It really doesn't mean much at all because school is not everything, and IQ is not the only type of intelligence and certainly not the only thing you need in life to create the life you want for yourself.

Everyone's different and no one school system fits all. No one exam system fits all. Everyone will want something different from life and will create something different for their lives using a whole bunch of skills in addition to intelligence. Don't get sucked into thinking school grades are going to define how happy and successful your child is in life and that they're what really matters.

My ds is in the top 3 of his class very bright and friendly im very proud of him, dd is totally different average or below average, still very proud of her

My DS is young so hard to tell but I would guess he will bd reasonably capable but definitely not "top of the class". We live in a grammar area and I can see him being a bit borderline - the sort of kid who only passes if they have a perfect test & in a cohort that's maybe a bit less able iyswim.

I'm trying hard to focus on hard work as he is stubborn and it can be hard to get him to apply himself to things he doesnt love.

I used to get a Christmas newsletter every year from a friend I knew from school. It was always so full of praise for her offspring that I got to the stage of not daring to read it. Hearing about all their glowing exploits, when measured against the rather more average achievements of my own DC of similar age, made me feel hopelessly inadequate as a parent. Eventually DH said "Please don't take it to heart. She isn't going to tell you any of the bad things, is she?" (She's now stopped sending them, btw.)

Don't believe all you see on social media. And being amazing academically doesn't mean amazing in work and general life.

My DC are very academic (and totally wonderful IMO) but have my uncle as an example of why academics aren't everything.

He had a scholarship to a top grammar school in the 1960s, got a double first from Oxford and a DPhil from there too.... and those were his glory years.

Bad marriage, poor career choices and his trajectory has been very average.

So my DC aren't arrogant about academic success. It's what you do with it that counts.

My son was super bright at one month old- I taught him to sign, so he simply NEVER cried, as could tell me his immediate needs through signing.
He was to of his nursery class, an extremely intelligent and gifted child, not only bright, but a model, too.
Beauty And brains!
I could see other mothers were jealous, and indeed, I pitied then their average child.

😂😂😂😂

In addition to every child being complex and unique (as this thread has shown), I think there is so much competitive parenting going on and that it is really hurting the children.

At our school, most parents have tutors and lie about it to make it seem that their children just are naturally bright. I think these are the children who will level out and possibly be much less impressive than their peers at university. There is a limit to how much you can push a child.

Please try to not pay attention to it and just focus on your own children .

I once described DS as 'totally average in when he hit all his milestones' at work and people looked at me like I'd said something terrible. He's two, so it's meaningless anyway, and also what's wrong with average?! Apparently everyone else I work with has/had toddler prodigies, or in some cases, where they don't have children, have toddler prodigies for nieces/nephews/best friends' children.

There is a tiny, mean part of me that thinks that I don't need to do the 'whose baby is the most advanced game' because I'm totally secure in my own academic achievements and I think that it's insecurity about that that drives a lot of the 'mummy competition'. A friend of mine's wife is desperate to prove that her toddler is much cleverer than DS and it's so clear that it's because she has this huge chip on her shoulder about not having gone to university (unlike our entire friendship group) and it's like if her DS can count to 10 before mine then she has beaten me.

Unfortunately my most of friend's dc do all seem to have v bright academic children...who really are targeted and getting 8/9's at gcse and a/a star at a level....and they are nice lovely kids as well...and musical and good at at sport as ....the sort of kids that have spent lockdown teaching themselves russian/Japanese 5th instrument

Mine not so academic and has spent lockdown not doing these things... .but is lovely but definitely average 😍 my other friends have kids with extreme special needs and that's the families I work with so a wide mix helps me manage the disparity

In all seriousness, there was a really brainy family I played with as a kid to teens, and all of them got scholarships to really good schools( St Paul’s &c) but the parents never bragged.
They were very modest- the kids were lovely.
Their academic excellence was uncommented on, Parents who really have truly academic kids never feel the need for bragging.

👍

Sorry, forgot my other example.

The most successful person we know career wise went to the worst school in our area. Ended up top bod in an international accountancy firm.

Mine are all lovely and average!

In fact, I have one who has been above average/greater depth/exceeding expectations in reading all through primary, but as he didn't learn to read until he was 5 and didn't read Harry Potter til he was 9, he's actually miles behind compared to your average Mumsnet child

Mine weren’t genius’, but there were
Plenty at school whose were. Funny how the genius kids leave school only ever average just like my average kids and my average DD with her two BB and a BTEC still got into a RG and graduated with a 2:1 with several job offers waiting.

All bullshit and very irritating.

I also agree with a PP that says academic isn’t necessarily better. I can think of many many many non academics who have brighter, richer and more fulfilling lives than the average brain box.

I’m glad my none academic, funny, loving kids want To spend time with me and are happy and self sufficient. Not perfect by any stretch but they turned out just fine.

I had a ' tiger mum' friend who I quickly unfriended as my very average children could not compete with her two. They probably have done very well in life as they were pushed to be the best from birth. I guess it depends on how committed you are and how sharp your elbows are too ( money also helps and being in the catchment of a good school etc etc)
If you can afford a private education for your previous offspring , then you've really made it ! It's a minefield.

Parenting is like labour. You only remember the good bits and repress the rest. People never say what their kids are bad at either. I was reading pretty fluently by the time I was 3 and ran out of school reading books within the first 2 years. However at 30, I still cannot grasp my times tables.

*@FatCatThinCat - DS2 is an autistic 'genius' too! Except he also has ADHD. Major challenge. So at 14 he already had A maths (awarded before fiasco) but poor social and personal skills.

Internet school was his saviour as it allows non-chronological teaching and virtual interaction. From internet school he 'knows' people virtually. He confidently posts algebraic proof of Pythagorean theory or that he has created a paradox in V.R. chat and is Schrodinger's goose without fear of bullying.

What's your plan for next year, and the next? It's really hard to find suitable placement for a 2e child.

Having experienced extreme asynchronous development, which is a feature of NT genius, I am very suspicious of DC who are allegedly synchronous in their development.

I haven't thought about next year to be honest. I don't think he can continue as now though. He falls asleep in some lessons as he's so bored or drifts off to somewhere else in his head, but they can't progress him further as he still holds a pencil like a 2 year old and has pretty much no fine motor skills.

We're waiting for an appointment to assess for ADHD and also sleep disorders.