Is it just me or is everyone else's child a genius?

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Maybe I am just bitter and jealous but it seems that everyone I meet, colleagues, relatives, friends, I even see it on here. Says that their child is exceptionally bright, advanced, top of the class, excelling academically. They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

I feel I'm the only mother with perfectly average children.

I think lots of us have had those thoughts when they were babies hoping that they'd go on to amazing things but really once mine were at school it soon brought me back down to earth and I was quite pleased if they were just getting on ok.

Of course I'm extremely proud of their achievements however small, but it just wouldn't occur to me to harp on about it to anyone who will listen.

Not at all saying you shouldn't share good news, but a lot of it sounds wildly exaggerated, because every single one is advanced and top of the class.

When mine were babies I used to be in awe of some people children's achievements, they'd go on about some comment the teacher had made, or something their child had been picked for, they were all going to be athletes or go to top universities.

My DD (15) was a slow starter with reading but now she’s in accelerated classes, plus she’s got great social skills.

She’s also feral and has some disgusting habits at home...we call her room a den or lair.🤣. No one’s child is perfect, just as no adult is perfect.

@Graciebobcat I think my DS is special, he's the most special child in the world to me. He's hilarious and kind and way more confident than I was as a child, he gives amazing hugs and he is my little best friend. But he is average at most schoolwork, that's a fact. I don't tell him that and I encourage him in every aspect but there's no point in lying online about it.

Ds1 is bright but a bit lazy. He's great with stuff that sparks an interest in him, not so great with putting in the graft with the stuff he finds dull. He's also very kind and interesting and I would have been friends with him when I was his age.

Ds2 struggles academically and lockdown has been good in some ways in that we've been able to really concentrate on getting the numeracy basics (e.g. number bonds to 10, very basic times tables) that most of his peers would have had down pat 18 months ago. His literacy levels last year were extremely low for his age and so the school were concentrating on that. He has worked very hard and achieved loads and I'm very proud of him. He's also kind, sparky, energetic and enthusiastic.

So no, neither of my children are geniuses but they are great and I don't see why they can't have interesting, valuable, fulfilling lives.

Ds1 probably would have got into grammar school. Ds2 likely not. Meh, we don't have grammar schools.

No one’s child is perfect, just as no adult is perfect. If everyone was honest I think the world would be a happier place, I hate it when you see someone looking so deflated about their child who is trying to eat the dog biscuits while smug friend goes on about their little genius who probably has a whole heap of issues that parents are not acknowledging.

I used to be a Governor at a primary school and encountered a number of parents who truly believed that their child was the brightest, most talented child that had ever existed and would be up in arms whenever anything happened that suggested otherwise (eg another child won an achievement award/got picked as team captain/got a main role in the school play etc).

I felt really sorry for the children that their parents seemed so obsessed with them being better that everyone else rather than just accepting them as they are. I think it says more about the parents than the child. On the other hand, I know of a few children who are genuinely gifted whose parents tend to keep very quiet when the OTT parents get started.

The worst example of this was a father who actually made a formal complaint that his child did not win the maths and english achievement awards for her class every month and was not voted head girl (by the other pupils). His argument was that he knew she was better than all the other children so if she did not win everything it was unfair and would inevitably lead her to give up on education and ruin her life. He was asking for either a public announcement that she should have had the awards or detailed evidence of why the other children deserved them more than her. He had even told his child that the head would be apologising to her and she would be given the head girl position (which caused a lot of upset as she told the actual head girl that she was due to be demoted). Needless to say this did not happen!

I was distinctly average at school amongst some extremely bright peers. They’ve all gone on to have amazing, stellar careers. I have not, but I did manage an MSc at university. So possibly not as dim as my parents and teachers thought. I am a ta who always likes to look out for the overlooked, average kid - they’re often refreshingly uncomplicated but really appreciate positive feedback.

My 3 children are all below average. DD is probably bottom of her class (according to a teachers report that I read upside down at a parents evening - there she was, in a little category by herself at the bottom). DS1 is due to sit GCSEs next year and will be lucky to scrape basic passes and will probably fail Maths.

It bothers me although I wouldn't admit it in RL as I was academic and went to university back in the day when not everybody went and it meant something. None of them are talented musicians or athletes either.

But it is what it is. Hope this makes others on here feel better about their own DCs.

Mine are typical average kids, and wouldn't have got to grammar. Didn't ever get the best grades (other than 1 A* photography). Not spectacularly good looking, no major sporting achievements.
However they are polite, helpful and kind, and I'm immensely proud of them.

In answer to the question as to how we know DD1 is gifted academically, it is a combination of the following:

Listening to what her past teachers; both at primary and secondary school have said,

Her achieving top marks for our area in the 11 plus
Her performance across all subjects in years 7 - 10 at secondary school
The grades she achieved at GCSE (having not been at school through year 11 owing to ill health).
She is not at University at all, let Oxbridge. For all her academic prowess she nearly died from anorexia and although she is in well established recovery now she is not ready for that.

I posted sincerely and honestly to share my experience. And to highlight that academic gifts alone are no guarantee of success. Objectively, many of her past teachers would think she is wasting her gifts. We are just glad she is still with us.

TBH I'd worry more about parents who don't think their kids are anything special and are determined to call them average.

To be honest, mine are something extra special, to me, their dad and probably to their grandparents. I'm their biggest cheerleader.

I just think it's refreshing when people are honest the good the bad and the ugly. Most dc will probably be good and some things less at others.

Ds1 is exceptionally bright and at grammar school, he is also autistic. His extreme anxiety and occasional periods of suicidal ideation are awful. I'd rather he was average and happy and so does he.

DS2 is above average in some things and average in others. He has good social skills and a lovely group of friends. He is happy and content.

There is so much more to a fulfilling life than being highly intelligent.

I have a nephew who is a genius. He didn't stand out in primary, if anything was behind, but when he went to secondary he was just leaps and bounds above everyone else, got the prize giving awards and top grades for every subject he was taking.

He is now 23 and has started his Phd in something to do with physics which goes waaaaay over my head after getting a distinction for his masters.

He struggles quite a bit with normal social interactions and is very introverted, hopefully he will end up in academic research and thrive among his own kind.

ds(16) does well at school maybe slightly above average, but got really good grades this year, he is not a genius, he worked/studied consistently from the very start of last year to get them. I don't think he will do just as well with the step up to Scottish Highers (but I won't tell him that and hope I'm wrong!)

@FatCatThinCat - DS2 is an autistic 'genius' too! Except he also has ADHD. Major challenge. So at 14 he already had A* maths (awarded before fiasco) but poor social and personal skills.

Internet school was his saviour as it allows non-chronological teaching and virtual interaction. From internet school he 'knows' people virtually. He confidently posts algebraic proof of Pythagorean theory or that he has created a paradox in V.R. chat and is Schrodinger's goose without fear of bullying.

What's your plan for next year, and the next? It's really hard to find suitable placement for a 2e child.

Having experienced extreme asynchronous development, which is a feature of NT genius, I am very suspicious of DC who are allegedly synchronous in their development.

We have friends that constantly tell how bright and gifted their child is and when (if) they ask how our DS is doing, I down play it and say that he’s doing fine. It’s not a competition and quiet frankly, their DS is a know-it-all and not particularly pleasant to be around.

We see them less of them these days as I’m worried his head won’t fit through our door anymore!

And I agree “gifted” is a bit wanky. But it is a phrase that teachers used to use about her. I have never actually said it myself about her in real life. Only on here. I’m really not “wanky” in real life! Honest.

*My 3 children are all below average. DD is probably bottom of her class (according to a teachers report that I read upside down at a parents evening - there she was, in a little category by herself at the bottom). DS1 is due to sit GCSEs next year and will be lucky to scrape basic passes and will probably fail Maths.

It bothers me although I wouldn't admit it in RL as I was academic and went to university back in the day when not everybody went and it meant something. None of them are talented musicians or athletes either.

But it is what it is. Hope this makes others on here feel better about their own DCs.*

Just read this and a couple of others similar posts.

What I always think is, I was classed at one of the top in the class all through primary, got lazy at secondary, made some not great choices. Now in a probably average or below average job, it's fine but I'm sure I could have done better.

Dh otoh struggled terribly at school, pulled it together and scraped through his GCSEs, found he was more practical, has done pretty well career wise through hard work and good decisions.

Quite not quiet. He’s anything but quiet, spouting facts and figures wherever he goes!

They all also tell me their children definitely could have gone to grammar school but chose not to.

This very rarely happens, particularly not to children whose parents boast about how bright they are.

Ds1 was very average ( as I was at school )
He liked the social side of school but the work was hard going for him and getting him through GCSEs and college was hard work. He Didn't go to uni and although he works full time it's not a very well paid job but his happy , so that's important I guess.

Ds2 was much more focused at school and he did well , but he earns less than his brother and he has a degree! He should have gone down the academic route really , but didn't. I found that a bit sad as I was so rubbish at maths and science myself , but it was his decision at the time.

I know a few people who are very honest that their children are just average or maybe struggle a bit ( as ds 1 did) but mostly people prefer to 'big ' them up I think.
My friends daughter really is incredibly bright and studying medicine. . I would be so proud if she was my child. My dh was clever at school , but you were made to go to work in my day and uni was only for the richer children. Shame really , but it turned out ok for him in the end as an apprentice!

They're all just kids who cares if one reads more or knows more or is better at sport or whatever. They are all good at something whatever it may be, even if it is eating dirt.

Why exactly does it matter if a child is gifted and talented or a so called genius it really doesnt matter so long as they are happy and fulfilled and choose a life that suits them.

Be care full what you wish for. There’s a lot more to life than being top,of the class.

I’m clever enough, I have an MSc, am well read and have had a varied and successful professional life but I’m fundamentally normal. My brother OTOH is a proper genius. It has done absolutely nothing for him except gain him some attention. He is completely uneducated because he was so bored he arsed around throughout his school days. He never acquired a work ethic because he never had to work - anything and everything he tried came easily to him. He is also supremely unemployable because he is a gobby know all who uses his huge intelligence to embarrass his managers and work out new and creative ways of defrauding his employers.

He has zero empathy with ‘normal’ people so has no relationship with his two (lovely) adult children and cannot sustain any romantic relationship for more than a couple of years. He’s a lonely, arrogant man entering middle age with only cheap cider for company.

Well it’s genius or SEN on here, or both. I’m in the two SEN with one average and one struggling. But I was a late bloomer so don’t believe it all hinges on school, or even university for some, so I have hope. Some of the “brighter” kids at younger ages then fell behind or struggled with uni style work.

I was an outstanding child. At age 12i was writing university level thesis and studying philosophy. You want to know where its got me? Nowhere. I self destructed before most peers thought of beginning their lives. My whole life has been an absolute train wreck of mental health problems, initially brought on because I didn't fit in anywhere. I was isolated and alone with expectations and pressures I shouldn't have had to deal with and didn't have the emotional capacity to handle.

DS1 is bright enough, but knows how to work effectively. Due to that he does well in tests and ranks towards the top of his year group. He’s certainly not out of the ordinary though. DS2 is exceptional in maths but struggles with reading (dyslexia) although on par for his age. He’s has trouble concentrating and can be very lazy. He’s the one I worry about more. Ultimately I can only give them the best start I can, but how well they do will be down to them.

In reality, there are very few truly gifted children out there and most are gifted in one specific area only. There are lots of ‘bright enough’ kids who know how to apply themselves and will do well because of that.