To like being looked after by a man?

[Ribrabrob]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I feel very guilty about it but... I like being looked after by a man. Physically, emotionally, financially. It makes me feel safe and secure. I like being the ‘damsel in distress’ and I’m happy to be rescued by a man. For example if I broke down on the motorway and a man helps me change a tyre.

I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex.

Now, I don’t have any strange ‘daddy issues’ because I have a perfectly nice relationship with my loving and caring father, plus my parents have a healthy equal relationship so I’m not sure why I feel this way. I do wonder if it is something I should look into dealing with though - perhaps counseling? Or is that just dramatic? I guess I can’t help how I feel.

So, aibu to enjoy being looked after, taken care of etc? Am I letting other women down by feeling this way and not fighting for equality? Like I say I do feel guilty, and I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this matter because I feel like I’m letting myself down (except when posting a thread on Mumsnet )

I mean I guess it's an easy way to not have to go to work, try at anything, have responsibilities.

But I'm a bit of a ball buster so I'm probably not who you want to ask.

If you're sick and he's your carer it's fine, otherwise yabu. And a bit stupid tbh.

I suggest you knit yourself this man as I doubt he exists and were he to I should think the trade offs would become hideous

If you're happy to live that way, then its nobody else's place to try and make you do otherwise. Personally I'd hate being so dependant, but I wouldn't judge others for their lifestyle choices.

I think it is your choice and nobody else’s business. I have a stressful job, Work full time, take care of the finances and Do most of the cooking. I would love to be looked after. You go for it if it makes you happy 💐

I enjoy certain aspects. Im currently a sahm, so also essentially a housewife. My dd is very independent, so if I didn't do housework when we are at home I'd have nothing to do 60% of the day, and I can't think of anything worse than sitting around on my phone constantly, or watching tv.
I enjoy being at home, and my husband being the working man. I also don't like giving up control, so I have savings that he can't touch if I ever needed them. My name is on everything, and he gets final say over nothing, we have to make decisions together.
However I hate the alpha male thing. I do a lot of diy, I like driving us places. He doesn't wear the trousers.
If it's what you like, then there's no problem in that.

Nonthing wrong with it - despite being the main wage earner I still like being looked after (OK probably couldn't give over complete control - in fact DH will often say even though the vast majority of the time I will defer to him - if it's something I care about then I always win - so if it's going out somewhere I don't mind where then he will pick, however the big decisions I win - I also know that if I say I want to XYZ he will say ok)

I like that my DH is very manly, does all the manly stuff around the house, is protective, is tall and has big muscles! But we also have a business together and earn the same, we both look after our (many) children. So I feel like I have all the good bits of an old fashioned man but none of the less appealing bits.

Are you happy with the flip side of that? Having someone in your life who genuinely considers you inferior? Who considers your opinions less important than their's? Who expects you to defer to them on all important decisions? I like the idea of a strong guy sweeping me off my feet as a bit of a fantasy (never gonna happen) - but I wouldn't enjoy the reality of being considered lesser at all.

Ive always worked, & always will, & always supported my self financially. I am impossible not easy to control either. Not good at following orders.

But I do like a man that does things for me. Im a pretty indifferent cook (apart from a few 'signature' dishes), consider men much better at ironing than me (& have managed to get more than one to do some of my ironing). I love men that cook & clean! And take care of things. Id be relatively happy to hand bill paying etc over to someone as long as decisions were made together.

I dont find the whole fussing over a man thing rewarding - & I havent found many men that like it. I dont want to be their mum. I want them to fuss over me. Totally unfair but there you have it.

I don't know really.

I've lived alone and been very independent. My dh is not controlling but he is definitely a strong type of man...I'm a sahm. I'm not some meek, pathetic damsel in distress but he definitely takes care of me. For example, if we needed work done in our house, he wouldn't dream of me having to deal with tradesmen. He would never expect me to take the car to the garage etc. He deals with the house admin... I have no idea who are energy provider is or who we use for car insurance. I am however entirely capable of dealing with these things if I had to. Also, he would support me entirely if I said I wanted to deal with these things. We kind of fell into this set up rather than either one of us seeking it.

@WellThisWentWell

I’m suprised by these answers. So many times you see post where woman is/wants to be submissive in the bedroom, most replies are wow, amazing, progressive, blablabla. Dominant/violent man is the best! And hell with anyone who dare say anything about it.

But if it goes more in to the lifestyle, nothing but judment, name calling and nastiness.

Strange place,MN.

Sex is about fantasy. This is day-in, day-out, precarious living.

Christ no. I love a dominant man in the bedroom, but buying my first Prada handbag with my first City bonus in my mid twenties was one of the proudest moments of my life. Second was spending £££ of money I’d earned, on an expensive watch for DH’s 40th.

That Destiny’s Child song, Independent Women is my anthem.

Any one else see lots of comments saying “violent men are the best“?

🤣 Not one single time.

Others have pointed out how vulnerable you'd be leaving yourself, but I'm also wondering about the bloke. What happens if he needs to be vulnerable from time to time? What happens if he needs someone to lean on? If he falls ill or loses his job or has a breakdown? Would you be there for him?

It seems to me that you want a man to always be the big, strong one so you can allow yourself to always be little. Doesn't seem very fair to me- and in my experience not how very traditional marriages work either.

Like Maxim de Winter-- 'eat all your breakfast, there's a good girl'.

He he. I'm making my favourite sick noises here.

Romantic, Byronic hero Max who let's not forget offed his first Mrs. Careful what you wish for, OP!

@Bluntness100

And i’ve seen LOTS of those kinf of comments

Really?

Any one else see lots of comments saying “violent men are the best“?

Nope and thankfully Mumsnet is the kind of place that those statements would be robustly challenged.

I pity the op as she obviously hasn’t got that much going for her if her ambition is for a man to look after her and tell her what to do. A couple of equals can look after each other - it doesn’t need either to relinquish control of their lives to achieve it.

I used to have a friend who was the "little woman at home". She had hated working when she was single and so when she got married (to somebody who earned considerably more than she did) and was pregnant soon afterwards, she was happy to give up work to be a SAHM. The husband was then the sole breadwinner and started to control her in a number of ways, so small at first she didn't realise what was happening to her. Another child followed and she had no money of her own. He even told her to take some fairly inexpensive toiletries back to a well known high street store "because that's my money". When the younger child went to school, I think she had realised what he was trying to do to her and eventually found herself a part time job but her confidence was at rock bottom because of what he had done to her. It took her a great deal of courage to leave him and she was helped out by her parents financially in order to do so.

Being feminine,demurring to a man it’s a societal role.⬅️ patriarchy
It’s not a neutrally arrived at decision,it’s decision steeped in History,habit,culture.it was chosen for you
You’ve chosen a lifestyle,that was reinforced,and idealised to women
Only relatively recently has it been challenged,socially ,politically,institutionally

You aren't hurting anyone, crack on and do it
Are you sure about that? Let's get the OP to give us an update in a few years when the novelty has worn off, It's not an example I'd want to set for my daughter in the 21st century. A bit of role play in the bedroom is fine, but don't leave yourself wide open for financial abuse and be totally reliant on your H for everything, how many posts have we read on MN where the woman is trapped in an abusive relationship because the husband controls the purse strings? Too many to mention.

You aren't hurting anyone, crack on and do it That’s a low bar to set

@Notimeforaname

You can feel safe and secure and in practice be anything but very true but if op is happy, then that's all that matters

Nope. Living in a fool's paradise can have nasty real-world consequences. Just because someone is "happy" doesn't mean they are wise, and wisdom is an essential life skill.

If I broke down on the motorway, I would not have the physical strength to attempt any repairs so I'd want the recovery service I pay for to sort out the tyre, I wouldn't trust any random to do it!

If I had testicles they would have crawled right up inside my body at reading that op

[quote AuldAlliance]@MrsTerryPratchett

I'd rather eat my own food.

That made me laugh.

[/quote]
Ditto, pissed myself at that