To like being looked after by a man?

[Ribrabrob]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I feel very guilty about it but... I like being looked after by a man. Physically, emotionally, financially. It makes me feel safe and secure. I like being the ‘damsel in distress’ and I’m happy to be rescued by a man. For example if I broke down on the motorway and a man helps me change a tyre.

I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex.

Now, I don’t have any strange ‘daddy issues’ because I have a perfectly nice relationship with my loving and caring father, plus my parents have a healthy equal relationship so I’m not sure why I feel this way. I do wonder if it is something I should look into dealing with though - perhaps counseling? Or is that just dramatic? I guess I can’t help how I feel.

So, aibu to enjoy being looked after, taken care of etc? Am I letting other women down by feeling this way and not fighting for equality? Like I say I do feel guilty, and I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this matter because I feel like I’m letting myself down (except when posting a thread on Mumsnet )

[quote SummerHeatwave]www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8642805/Woman-blasted-admits-likes-looked-man.html[/quote]
Ooh, I’m internet-famous. That isn’t even an article, it is just cut and paste of this thread.

[quote Starsabove1]@PhilSwagielka me too. The men who use it tend to be fairly unhinged with hatred for everyone but especially themselves.

The whole aplha/beta thing is such toxic nonsense whether it’s used by men or women, it just boggles my mind that people still want to play into it.
I don’t think OP really does - I suspect now that the article has lots of comments & clicks, her work is done. Which is even more disappointing than actually believing it! Well done LaToya

Thankfully the majority of comments here and shockingly on the fail, show that most people no longer think that life choice is a good one![/quote]
The alpha and beta thing is based on misconceptions about wolf society, which is utter bollocks and has been debunked as the wolves in question were captive wolves. I hate the idea that women are so damn stupid we don't know what we want, where is where the cuck thing comes from - the alt right have this idea that left-wing men can't keep a woman and are perfectly happy for other men to fuck her (and it's also based in racism as a lot of cuckold porn has white women being fucked by black men while her white partner watches - the alt right talk about countries being 'cucked' because they assume refugees are going to steal 'their' women). How the woman actually feels is never mentioned, it's just assumed that she wants a Big Manly Man of Manliness to control her deep down and doesn't know it. IIRC Jordan Peterson believes this. As I said, my ex-stepdad was like that and no fucking way do I want to have to deal with what Mum went through. I'd rather have a kind and gentle man who knows his own mind and treats me like a human being than a domineering control freak. I'm not saying I want a spineless coward. Just someone who isn't an arsehole and thinks that because I'm a woman, I'm nothing more than a maid and a fuck toy, i.e. what Tyson Fury thinks women are.

My idea of a relationship is being part of a team, sharing the load for both your benefits, never having to worry alone, talking about everything. I don't see how that's possible if one part of the relationship is the "saviour" and the other the damsal

Not to mention how open you're leaving yourself if you split up etc I mean by all means you do you but I couldn't think of anything worse than giving up my independence to someone and that's what I teach my kids to always be (one of each sex)

I like being looked after by a man.

Don’t most people like being ‘looked after’ to some extent, male or female? Isn’t that what a reciprocal relationship is about?

It's fine. I'm like this too. I've gradually gone more part time and now don't work much at all apart from the odd bit of home working. Prefer to take a more traditional role, be taken care of and happy to look after the children while dh works. Women seem to think they have to be all things these days.

@Fieldofgreycorn

I like being looked after by a man.

Don’t most people like being ‘looked after’ to some extent, male or female? Isn’t that what a reciprocal relationship is about?

There's looked after and there's "looked after". Everyone likes having a cup of tea made from them, getting the odd lift home when their feet are tired from shopping, having someone stroke your head when you watch TV. That's not gendered at all.

What the OP was talking about was a whole different ballgame:

"I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex."

That means ceding all control over your life and in particular over your finances, to a man. That isn't being "looked after", its handing your life on a plate to someone and asking them to use and abuse it as they see fit.

I like it to an extent...

I like my husband to pay for meals out, I like him to open doors for me, help me with my coat, take my arm if a path is a bit wet or slippery.
I like that feeling of being a precious thing they must guard and protect.

But saying that, in all decisions etc, we're equal partners... I see it more as preferring old-fashioned manners from men towards women.

I have often thought that I’d quite like to be ‘kept’. It would be easier than balancing motherhood with working.

However, this is anecdotal but I have heard two stories in the last 12 months of friends or acquaintances who’ve forgiven cheating husbands - because they have to. They don’t have a choice. Because they haven’t worked for years, they have no money of their own, no confidence, nothing outside the home.

One of them was actually manipulated into believing it was HER fault he cheated. Because she nagged him to much and didn’t have sex with him enough when he was out earning all the money. She’s now doing all sorts of filthy stuff in bed that she doesn’t enjoy in order to keep him ‘interested’.

These women are completely stuck. Their husbands WILL do it again. (I know for a fact one of them has already approached a previous affair partner asking to start things up again!) And they’ve just got to put up and shut up.

So the theory is great. The reality often isn’t. Not always, but often. And that’s why the stereotype of the Valium popping 50s housewife exists. Lots of them were utterly miserable.

Monkeynuts18

Yep. It's a very seductive fantasy: who wouldn't want to be looked after, right? And it still exerts a powerful influence over us (because it suits patriarchy). The reality is pretty horrific.

My mum was essentially "kept" by my dad. Having had a great career in her 20s she never went back to work. She didn't want for anything, we were comfortably off, my parents relationship was (generally) good and she loved us dearly but she was clearly utterly miserable. She had no persona in life other than being a mother. She had no friends. She had no money of her own. She couldn't do anything. She felt totally trapped.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

And where does it leave you if he becomes sick or incapacitated? In need of being cared for himself? If you are in this kind of relationship, then he has broken the terms of the agreement; would you pack up and leave without a backward glance, because he is no longer capable of 'looking after' you in the way you want?

And if you would, then what kind of relationship was it in the first place?

I don't think there's anything wrong in enjoying feeling that a man would protect you and look after you. But if that's your 'type', you do need to be on the alert for men who would take advantage of it. The right man would offer you a feeling of security without seeking to control or limit you in any way.

A grown up reciprocal relationship is about looking after each other, those little acts of kindness that make life pleasanter for both of you.

It seems utterly bizarre to me to deliberately want to seek out men who will do all the ‘important stuff’ - having a career, taking responsibility for all the big life decisions etc
I mean, just why, given that men and women have equal abilities.

I’ve worked in the dim and distant in an environments where there’s a bit of a culture Like the OP describes. Some of The men were very outdated and seemed to find it flattering if females at work did the ‘little woman’ routine and Fluttered about making cups of tea and generally being subservient. The interesting thing though is that none of these men actually respected or wanted to be with women like that. Their wives were often equals who had their own decent careers and could stand On their own two feet.

So while it might be something some men find a bit flattering, I’d be wary of thinking they actually want and respect a relationship like this. And if they really did, I’d be thinking that either they were A) insecure and controlling or B) insecure and drippy

What are you going to do when he trades you in for a younger model though?

What if he turns nasty?

A woman should always be able to earn her own money and have a backdoor route out if necessary.

How sad that in this day and age women actively seek to be a ‘damsel in distress’ and be “saved” by a man. I’ll stick to saving myself thanks, it’s lovely to be looked after now and again but in my house we are equal, no alphas and my daughter will be taught how powerful she can be.

I think one reason why I'm very cynical about this whole thing is because both my mum and I have learned the hard way that the man doesn't always stick around forever. When she was a child, my grandad ran off with another woman and left my gran to bring up 4 kids alone. When I was a child, my dad was in and out of hospital with cancer and eventually died of a horrible aggressive brain tumour. My mum remarried and ended up divorced. It's made me more guarded about handing my life over to some man, especially as I do have submissive tendencies (long story).

Another so called article. I wondered when that would appear as there's been a few threads where a poster apparently wants to have a man look after them / wants a man who is an alpha man who'll facilitate them playing housewifey because they just love cleaning / need a dominant man to rescue them from pesky situations that they might not like.

The DM are so shit. (Thursday's truism for you.)

They didn't c&p the best comment on the whole thread, which is still @MrsTerryPratchett saying she'd rather eat her own food.

Why does it say "A British woman"? What relevance does that have and how do they know?

Now I'm cross, because I clicked a sodding DM link and unsurprisingly found a load of lazy shite masquerading as meaningful social commentary.

@PhilSwagielka same. I have seen too many women in my family be ‘kept’ and how it destroyed their lives. Trapped in abusive relationships with men who provide everything material (as and when it suits, subject to whims, slights & punishments) and nothing caring.
Left with no skills for life when these men had the decency to die or piss off.

No thank you. I have been financially independent since university and plan on staying that way.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be cared for, loved or supported as some people seem to think. Quite the opposite, but as an equal who will also care for, love and support my partner.

I wonder what would happen to the relationships on this thread where the man was chosen for being big/strong/protective/manly if those men became ill, disabled or unemployed.

Rigid roles and expectations don’t weather real life all that well.

Not knowing anything about the family finances is all well and good... until, like my mother, you are widowed.

You're not being unreasonable at all. I believe that this is the pattern God sets for us. We can be strong women and very independent, but when we're married, it's wonderful to have a man who feels it's his joyful responsibility to help his wife, to take care of her and to protect her.

You're not being unreasonable at all. I believe that this is the pattern God sets for us. We can be strong women and very independent, but when we're married, it's wonderful to have a man who feels it's his joyful responsibility to help his wife, to take care of her and to protect her.

This sounds as if it was cut and pasted from one of those Christian Domestic Discipline websites, ie Husbandly Spankings For Jesus, or Kink for the Lord.

BurntOrange7 One of Trump's pseudonyms?

@BurntOrange7

You're not being unreasonable at all. I believe that this is the pattern God sets for us. We can be strong women and very independent, but when we're married, it's wonderful to have a man who feels it's his joyful responsibility to help his wife, to take care of her and to protect her.

Quick question. If I'm an atheist, can I make my own decisions?

I don’t believe in God. I don’t think there is a pattern
My joyful responsibility is being financially solvent & having a career

OP, what’s it like to work for the Daily Mail?