To like being looked after by a man?

[Ribrabrob]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I feel very guilty about it but... I like being looked after by a man. Physically, emotionally, financially. It makes me feel safe and secure. I like being the ‘damsel in distress’ and I’m happy to be rescued by a man. For example if I broke down on the motorway and a man helps me change a tyre.

I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex.

Now, I don’t have any strange ‘daddy issues’ because I have a perfectly nice relationship with my loving and caring father, plus my parents have a healthy equal relationship so I’m not sure why I feel this way. I do wonder if it is something I should look into dealing with though - perhaps counseling? Or is that just dramatic? I guess I can’t help how I feel.

So, aibu to enjoy being looked after, taken care of etc? Am I letting other women down by feeling this way and not fighting for equality? Like I say I do feel guilty, and I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this matter because I feel like I’m letting myself down (except when posting a thread on Mumsnet )

It's a lovely fantasy, it's almost like remaining a child - knowing that all the grown up work, like keeping a roof over the head of my family, is someone else's responsibility. The problem is that much of the time it is a fantasy and absolving yourself of responsibility also takes away independence and agency and leavea you very very vulnerable. Not just to the extremes of domestic abuse or the death of a spouse but the more mundane like incompetence or laziness.

@MrsTerryPratchett

(Don't want to derail thread too much...)

Yes it’s like wanting to remain a child, it is not about daddy issues, it’s about wanting to be parented, to not have to be a grown up and do all the hard grind of life, wanting someone to sweep in and do it for you, a fantasy for someone who finds Their life hard.

The reality is that all children grow up, eventually you'd want more freedom and you'd disappoint his expectations of you
More of a reason to give it a go I say.

How can you know if its really what you want unless you try it.

If you were a man on here you’d be called a cock lodger. I don’t think you’d like the kind of man who would want a woman like that.

Okay, I will take this at face value and play. The only place your own inner security can come from is yourself. Trying to place responsibility for this onto another person is an unreasonable expectation that is likely to end in disappointment. The idea of handing total power over the purse-strings to another person is also very unwise. It gives them total power over you, and makes you completely dependent on them. There isn't a man alive who can give you all you say you want unless you're living under some form of coercive control. Believe me when I say that is a situation no woman should covet.

The endless stay-at-home versus working woman debate is a treadmill to nowhere, so I'd say if you really want to be a housewife then crack on. It would never be my choice but when other women make different lifestyle choices to mine I don't take it as some kind of personal affront. But some of your attitudes are not only needy but actually dangerous and could be putting your safety at risk. Every woman should know how to change her own tyre. It's not beyond our intellectual wit or physical strength: all cars are supplied with a jack! Why on earth would you want to wait for a man to come and 'rescue' you, when men are a known risk factor to women rather than the reverse? This attitude is batshit, and I suspect you know it.

I suspect that if the OP is genuine you've got carried away with some romantic fantasy that bears no relation at all to reality for most people who are not in abusive relationships. Live how you want to live by all means, but give some thought to exactly what you might be leaving yourself vulnerable to.

I prefer an equal partnership- some things are a little role reverse in my house as we work to the other person strengths. As an example I do all the electrical setting up TVs etc.

my husband has always said he loves the fact we do lots together working together - for example redecorating a room we do together.
If the grass needs cutting it’s whoever around and free does it. Husband does earn a bit more than me, it’s all in a pot and we both access it equally.
Husband gets school emails as well so he knows what’s going on and can book time off for plays/sports days.
I feel loved and looked after in a sense but it’s equal and I like that. Husband said to me it’s nice that it’s equal as he knows if he lost his job for whatever reason it’s not all on him as the ‘provider’ we both work to provide for our family - whether that be in working, interacting with our children or making our home a home.
But do what makes you both happy is as important

I can’t believe this is real.

On the off chance, since you like being dominated and pushed around, heres me doing it for you. Grow up. You can’t be a baby forever. And yes you are letting the side and all the women who have fought for your freedom down.

In general, I don’t feel the same. I would hate to be a SAHM, I would always want to earn my own money ... and I am a strong advocate of women’s rights and consider myself a feminist. However ... I do admit that I am attracted to masculine men that I feel are strong and also assertive in tricky situations. I’ve tried to unpick this and I guess that as a female I feel vulnerable and I am sometimes frightened of men ... so I want a man on my side to protect me. I don’t ‘need’ it as such, but I feel more relaxed when I am with a strong man I can trust. I do find it shit that I feel that way and sometimes wish I were a man myself ... a strong one obviously ... so I wouldn’t feel the need for ‘protection’.

Each to their own! Not my cup of tea but I get my ideal in a relationship could be another's worst nightmare also

I think if you do like those things OP you also need to plan for a rainy day in the event you and your partner split.

Suspect the op is either trying to be goady though or is single and fantasising about being able to get off the hard grind of life

Yeah it's probably not even a genuine post but it is somthing I've never really thought of til now as I certainly wouldn't want to live that life so stupidly presumed nobody else would..

Bugger choice, this is not a normal sahm scenario. A sahm is doing valuable work, looking after kids. This is a cop out fantasy.

**
😂😂

I’m suprised by these answers.
So many times you see post where woman is/wants to be submissive in the bedroom, most replies are wow, amazing, progressive, blablabla. Dominant/violent man is the best!
And hell with anyone who dare say anything about it.

But if it goes more in to the lifestyle, nothing but judment, name calling and nastiness.

Strange place,MN.

Fine until there is a change in circumstance such as divorce, being widowed, abuse etc

Meh, I don’t know why folks are being annoyed, doesn’t matter if the op is Male or female, being goady or just a fantasist who is struggling with the reality of their life.

It’s not about women’s rights, or equality, it’s about wanting to be a child. To not have responsibilities. To not have to adult, to not have to go to work, struggle to pay bills, fix their own car, to have a parent to do it for you.

This sort of thing is not about sexual equality at its base, it’s about finding life too hard to do as an adult and wishing someone else would step in where mum and dad stopped,

It's your life and you can choose how you live it.

I find it pathetic though personally and I wouldn't have any respect for you.

@WellThisWentWell

I’m suprised by these answers. So many times you see post where woman is/wants to be submissive in the bedroom, most replies are wow, amazing, progressive, blablabla. Dominant/violent man is the best! And hell with anyone who dare say anything about it.

But if it goes more in to the lifestyle, nothing but judment, name calling and nastiness.

Strange place,MN.

I’m on here all the time and I’ve never seen that once.

I think Bluntness100 summed it up pretty well.

untness100

WellThisWentWell
I’m suprised by these answers.
So many times you see post where woman is/wants to be submissive in the bedroom, most replies are wow, amazing, progressive, blablabla. Dominant/violent man is the best!
And hell with anyone who dare say anything about it.

But if it goes more in to the lifestyle, nothing but judment, name calling and nastiness.

Strange place,MN.
I’m on here all the time and I’ve never seen that once.

Okey, i’m here a lot too.
And i’ve seen LOTS of those kinf of comments.

You can think/feel however you want.

You don't need to subscribe to popular views or the hive mind.

You like it, you aren't hurting anyone, you crack on and do it.

I take umbrage at you saying women are weaker. I can tell you now I am stronger than dh in the ways that matter.

Thoughts:
It sounds like the lyric to the Killers' when you were young...waiting on some beautiful boy to save you.

It also sounds a bit like Surrendered Wife.

Some said 50 shades was popular because Christian Grey was a feeder/made Ana eat/took care of her when not being a twat

I want to be cherished. I don't mind what form that takes. That might well be similar to being loved and protected. It should however go both ways.

And i’ve seen LOTS of those kinf of comments

Really?

Any one else see lots of comments saying “violent men are the best“?