To like being looked after by a man?

[Ribrabrob]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I feel very guilty about it but... I like being looked after by a man. Physically, emotionally, financially. It makes me feel safe and secure. I like being the ‘damsel in distress’ and I’m happy to be rescued by a man. For example if I broke down on the motorway and a man helps me change a tyre.

I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex.

Now, I don’t have any strange ‘daddy issues’ because I have a perfectly nice relationship with my loving and caring father, plus my parents have a healthy equal relationship so I’m not sure why I feel this way. I do wonder if it is something I should look into dealing with though - perhaps counseling? Or is that just dramatic? I guess I can’t help how I feel.

So, aibu to enjoy being looked after, taken care of etc? Am I letting other women down by feeling this way and not fighting for equality? Like I say I do feel guilty, and I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this matter because I feel like I’m letting myself down (except when posting a thread on Mumsnet )

I find it scary. I have a friend who is like you. Married a man who earns and doesn't do housework. She has stayed cute, and pretty, and keeps the house and all that. He sits on the sofa drinking beer getting fatter and less pleasant and more sexist every time I see her.

She has washing up gloves with her name on them FFS.

I'd rather eat my own food.

@Witchcraftandhokum

You feel guilty? You should, and dreadfully embarrassed.

Yes this exactly. If I broke down on the motorway I would just feel embarrassed and grateful but wouldn't enjoy putting someone else to the bother of helping me out.

One thing to be happy to be a housewife but quite another to not have any say in the finances etc. That's just bloody dangerous. A woman who decides to be a housewife, raise the children, do all the domestic stuff etc enables the husband to focus on his career. They contribute in very different ways but both are equally entitled to be in control of the family finances and decisions.

"Dominant but not controlling" . Hmmm. Sounds a bit of a gamble. By the time you realise you have the latter as well as the former it might be too late. Pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen, no financial independence, husband having affairs because he's an alpha and that's (often) what they do. {Shudders}

Well it's up to you if that's how you feel!

I'm personally way more empowered at being able to financially look after myself, change a tyre myself, and rescue myself if I need rescuing. I've been a feminist before I even heard of the word and always ensured that I had enough knowledge about 'man' things (cars, DIY and other stereotypes) that I'd never need a man to do anything for me I couldn't do myself.

I was always fiercely independent when with my ex of eleven years. Met DH who while he totally respects me and knows l am well able to stand on my own two feet, he is very protective of me which l do like actually. But as for controlling the money and all that? Nah, l like knowing all that stuff and wouldn't make myself vulnerable by letting him be in charge of that!

The thought of being looked after is great, no work, someone paying for everything, doing difficult/stressful jobs like changing tyres, being taken care of is great

But the reality of having no control over your life, nothing to work towards, nothing to really do would get frustrating and boring. Plus people would start to treat you like you were irrelevent, like an extension of your husband.

But if its what makes you and your husband happy then I suppose thats all that matters

That would be my biggest nightmare having to rely on a bloke or anyone for that matter.
It’s all very well living the dream, but what happens if/when he trots off of heaven forbid dies.

What a lot of awful personal insults. Not sure I can take anyone's views on feminism seriously when they're insulting a sister.

Women can be brainwashed into working too hard and paying for too much y'know - marriage benefits men more than it's ever done.

I'd like a man who could offer emotional support.

The other thing about alpha men is that they need a lot of stimulation. You might seem a teeny but boring to him after a while if you're just sitting at home simpering over him.

I think it’s fine as a role play/ fantasy/ kink in the bedroom, but I don’t think it’s sensible to live your whole life like that.

I think it’s important to have financial security and to know that you could cope alone if needs be.

Nothing wrong with a loving relationship when you look after each other of course, but don’t abandon all sense of self or self reliance.

There's nothing wrong with wanting someone to lean on and who looks after you when you need support. But no one can 'rescue' you and believing that isn't healthy for you or any man you're in a relationship with.

I am literally the complete opposite of you!

I do have issues with males though and I feel very much that I need to never be in a position where a man has to take care of me. Which I am embarrassed about.

I think a middle ground is what everyone should aim for so the relationship is more 50/50

I'd like a man who could offer emotional support.

^^
I would like this too! (I’m single, so not complaining about any current partner!)

You just sound like a lazy fucker to me. Fair play if you can land yourself a man to enable it.

Being a woman in a relationship where I deal with our properties/finances and our business as well as holding down a pt job - it would be nice to have a rest! I feel like I'm spinning plates.

I think I'd be very bored after a week though. There'll be nothing to occupy my mind or time. I'd be fearful of turning into the woman who spends too much time, energy and importance in doing the laundry or tidying the house - and has little else to talk about. I'd be plotting a new business venture and inadvertently getting back into my crazy busy life - I wouldn't be able to help myself.

Or I'd have to turn to drink or drugs

Want what you like, OP, but for the love of God don't make yourself utterly financially ignorant and helpless within your household. That's not submissive or feminine, it's utter idiocy.

How old are you Op?
I felt the same way in my late 20s.
Met a man who I thought fit the bill.
And he did, I had lots of DC and gave up my career.
Thing is, now he treats me with total contempt, as in his eyes I am worthless. I am trapped with no options to leave and pay my own way.

YANBU to feel like that and how dare anyone be rude to you for stating so - it’s none of their business.

To add, I don't mean you shouldn't be a SAHM if that works for your family, but don't get into a position where you literally don't know what happens with money in your household and he could be doing anything without you knowing.

I am strong, independent, feminist, never really need help etcand then I went to India alone for a long period of time. Oh boy, did I need help. I didnt even know how to find a shop, couldn't drive, couldn't speak the language... It just wasnt safe and many times I needed a man to protect me. I was shocked to find that I felt all feminine and actually really liked how they were protective and a bit commanding in situations where I needed help. Like Maxim de Winter 'eat all your breakfast, there's a good girl'.

It wore thin quickly when they wouldn't drop that approach, even when we were in more equal circumstances. Even when I knew more than them. I realised their expectations of me as a 'helpless woman' included never challenging them and not asking questions, never demanding anything.

I think if it works for you, fine, and its ok to enjoy playing at it. But irl there are many problems associated with this role dynamic.

Do you actually have this or is it your fantasy?

Cos it sounds like a lot of old imagined nonsense to me and like it would rapidly pall on you in reality.

OP, I am completely with you. One of the many things I came to loathe about XH is that he expected me to be so sodding competent. He thought this was feminism. I didn't want to be competent. I know I'm competent. I can plumb a sink in, FFS. But I didn't want to do any of that stuff: I wanted to be looked after.