To like being looked after by a man?

[Ribrabrob]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and I feel very guilty about it but... I like being looked after by a man. Physically, emotionally, financially. It makes me feel safe and secure. I like being the ‘damsel in distress’ and I’m happy to be rescued by a man. For example if I broke down on the motorway and a man helps me change a tyre.

I’d be happy to be a housewife and have no say in finances, not work etc. i like it when a man is stronger than me, when he is an alpha male. Not controlling, but dominant. I like that that there are differences between the genders and being seen as the fairer and, dare I say it, weaker sex.

Now, I don’t have any strange ‘daddy issues’ because I have a perfectly nice relationship with my loving and caring father, plus my parents have a healthy equal relationship so I’m not sure why I feel this way. I do wonder if it is something I should look into dealing with though - perhaps counseling? Or is that just dramatic? I guess I can’t help how I feel.

So, aibu to enjoy being looked after, taken care of etc? Am I letting other women down by feeling this way and not fighting for equality? Like I say I do feel guilty, and I do tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this matter because I feel like I’m letting myself down (except when posting a thread on Mumsnet )

"A real woman can do it all herself. A real man won't let her" 🤭

Now and then, yes, for sure. Same as now and then I like to be looked after by my mum....but I think this would get really old really fast.

Sounds like a cop out to me. Not much to aspire to, is it? Having no motivation and little say in your own life?

@MrsTerryPratchett

I'd rather eat my own food.

That made me laugh.

I't was in the position during my marriage of looking after a babe and being financially dependent on my husband. It really backfired because he began to control every area of my life. It was slowly and subtly done and he had control of me without me realising what was going n. He could be so charming. At one point I cancelled my own daily paper because he disapproved of it! It became much worse. So that, in my view, is the downside of having a man take control of things. Never again.

I’m grimacing reading your post. The passive demeanour,demurring to a man
You’re a poor example and a poor role model choosing to be passive. It models bad behaviour, and is a very vulnerable way of life
Women marched and campaigned vociferously for attitudinal and legislative changes, changes you chose to ignore because you like a dominant man
The type of man who’d be attracted to you is likely to be an unreformed caveman. Obvs he conceal it with waffle like I like to be a provider etc
However there are plenty housewife on mn. All with huge earning husband who needs a wife to run the house

We are v different women
I have independent finances. My money is mine.
We have a joint for bills etc eg mortgage,utilities Definitely no shared finances

Our children have double barrelled names
I didn’t change my name
I habitually use Ms

My thoughts on your preference is Fuck that,really

@CrazyToast

I am strong, independent, feminist, never really need help etcand then I went to India alone for a long period of time. Oh boy, did I need help. I didnt even know how to find a shop, couldn't drive, couldn't speak the language... It just wasnt safe and many times I needed a man to protect me. I was shocked to find that I felt all feminine and actually really liked how they were protective and a bit commanding in situations where I needed help. Like Maxim de Winter 'eat all your breakfast, there's a good girl'.

It wore thin quickly when they wouldn't drop that approach, even when we were in more equal circumstances. Even when I knew more than them. I realised their expectations of me as a 'helpless woman' included never challenging them and not asking questions, never demanding anything.

I think if it works for you, fine, and its ok to enjoy playing at it. But irl there are many problems associated with this role dynamic.

Did we go to the same India? My experience couldn't have been more different - whereabouts did you go?

And this explains the success of those romance novels where the billionaire boss woos his virgin secretary, rides to the rescue with his millions of pounds and takes over her life.

Because some women want to be 'saved' from life.

@AuldAlliance I just ate lovely DH-cooked Thai food! Joys of not being a surrendered wife.

I love your use name BTW. The speech by Charles de Gaulle

"In every combat where for five centuries the destiny of France was at stake, there were always men of Scotland to fight side by side with men of France, and what Frenchmen feel is that no people has ever been more generous than yours with its friendship."

I kind of get you op... my DH is a v capable 'manly man' physically strong & able to do pretty much anything from building to plumbing to landscaping etc, but is a horrendous cook and I don't let him near the washing machine!! He does all the windows as I can't be arsed don't do them as well as him! In return I cook & do all laundry. Traditional roles but really just playing to our strengths. There is nobody I'd rather be shipwrecked with as I've total confidence in him keeping us alive & safe & he feels the same as I'd work out the plan!! However... we have separate bank accounts (although share bills equally) as I'm not entirely thick!!

I wouldn’t say daddy issues but you must have lived a very sheltered naive life not to see the risks putting all your security in other peoples hands.

But what if the man who stopped on the motorway attacked you instead of helping you change the tyre?

Your beloved many husband started to hit you in secret? Starts an affair, humiliates you, and you have nowhere to go, no money or resources or knowledge to escape?

How can you trust that it will all go well? You must protect yourself.

I feel like I am being controlled when I’m being looked after, the lack of equal power is distressing for me.

@ShebaShimmyShake

Want what you like, OP, but for the love of God don't make yourself utterly financially ignorant and helpless within your household. That's not submissive or feminine, it's utter idiocy.

Yep. Don't willingly leave yourself vulnerable.

As other posters have said, have you actually had a relationship like this though? I'm assuming in this ideal the man loves and respect you and thinks you're marvellous right? It's rare that's the way in real life so I do wonder if it's a fantasy.

And as long as you support women to have a choice and not all be like you then that part is OK.

It sounds like you're taking all the nice parts of stereotyping though. And in rl there would also be the other side sadly.

Are you in a relationship where this happens?

There are men and women who want this, no difference between the genders, just folks who can’t Be arsed to adult and want someone to do it for them.

Not for me, I couldn’t be with a bloke who wanted looking after like this and I don’t know any men who would find this attractive in a female partner, but everyone is different, and if you’ve found someone to take responsibility for you so you don’t have to, then it’s no ones business but yours and his,

Women marched and campaigned vociferously for attitudinal and legislative changes, changes you chose to ignore

Exactly its a CHOICE, women fought so we could have rights and CHOOSE how we want to live.

OP, whether real or not, wants to live this way.
Who are you to tell her she's making a mockery of the rest of us and ought to live how you see fit?

Not much difference than before then is it... having someone dictate how you should live your life in order to be respected and not offend or outrage them?hmm.

Good luck finding a man to "look after you"

Imo I think the life you portray sounds unbelievably, mind numbingly boring devoid of any responsibility at all on your part as your partner/husband will make all the decisions.

As a fully grown adult woman in the 21st century why on earth does this appeal to you?

@Ribrabrob aw OP, someone beat you to the post on wanting to outrage people with a little woman fantasy a few weeks ago. What a shame you aren’t as daring as you’d hoped.

On the off chance you are serious, wanting to be a damsel in distress who cedes all control to a big, strong man is a dead cert way to attract a man who will very happily control every aspect of your life, treat you as helpless, brainless and worthless and ensure you can’t do a thing without his approval. And leave you as soon as you get too old/big/sick.

No man worth his salt would get into a situation like that - most, thankfully, want equal partnerships with love, care and responsibility working both ways.

If a man wanted the same scenario from a woman he would be called a cocklodger, waster, chancer and lazy. I don’t see why the same can’t be thought of a woman.

Op are you single? I’m guessing you are. Certainly not in a stable relationship. Right?

And as long as you support women to have a choice and not all be like you then that part is OK Absolutely this.

I'd find that suffocating, infantalising and dull AF but whatever tickles your pickle. I had one boyfriend who told me 'You need someone to look after you,' he was a controlling, verbally abusive dickhead. As for not being in control of my financial life, NFW.

What you are describing is a parent - child relationship. The idea of being cared for is very comforting and avoids all the complexities of the adult world. Someone to work for you, make decisions for you etc. The reality is that all children grow up, eventually you'd want more freedom and you'd disappoint his expectations of you.

Exactly its a CHOICE, women fought so we could have rights and CHOOSE how we want to live

Sure, and men have the same right, they can look out for a woman to do all the adulting for them, same difference,

Suspect the op is either trying to be goady though or is single and fantasising about being able to get off the hard grind of life.

No point folks arguing about it in either scenario.