AIBU to ask how you cope with totally disinterested in laws?

[MrsOldma]

NC for this. My in laws show zero interest in my two DS, it’s actually embarrassing. My DH and I have two DS together but he had 3 DS with previous partner and those 3 get sleepovers, thoughtful gifts etc mine do not. Now I really don’t care about gifts etc but I feel so sorry that my sons are so obviously treated differently.

They don’t seem to care, my DH isn’t bothered but sometimes I feel like screaming you have more grandchildren you freaks at them.

Anyone had similar? How do I make sure my two aren’t horribly scarred by this?

@Rhine we got together five years later and I wasn’t his first partner after his loss. Why do you think that’s relevant?

Of course there was and is concern. I have said many times I don’t begrudge my dss any love or attention. My issue is that my dc have not been treated equally by their gps.

And well you hit the nail on the head about the behaviour of my dss in adulthood. It wasn’t healthy and we couldn’t let it continue. Everyone is happier now that they have moved out and moved forward in their lives.

@Rhine

Well this is a massive drip feed isn’t it? Why didn’t you tell us in your OP that your step kids lot their mother at a young age? It’s hugely relevant IMO.

Also a good step mother would have fought their corner when their waste of space father was making them feel unwelcome in their own home for the heinous crime of playing on an Xbox and being a bit lazy. But all you seem to be bothered about is your kids being slighted by their GPs.

Pretty disgraceful IMO.

I know. Of course they may not have had a career mapped out etc given everything they had been through.

It’s little wonder why their GPS made an effort for them. Perhaps they understood the huge impact of losing a parent as a child.

Everyone is happier now that they have moved out

There are no words.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I really don’t appreciate the insinuation that my DH and I didn’t give their loss the weight it deserves. We did. But it doesn’t excuse their life choices, in fact it was one of the things the counselling process highlighted.

This thread is about gps favouring some gc over others.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss there are plenty words. My dss include themselves in the “everyone”. They’ve acknowledged that they were using bereavement as an excuse and needed to step into adult life. They both still attend counselling as required (mostly online) and have had open conversations with us.

You seem to have lost one, there were three to start with

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I know. The circumstances around that are raw and private

Some people are just crap, crap parents, crap grandparents. If they weren't up to much as parents and favouritism was obvious in childhood don't expect things to improve once grandchildren are born. Some GPs put a lot into GC from a first relationship expecting that to be it. The relationship breaks down and later a second family appears. They've already made their commitment (in their eyes) and the additional family is irrelevant. They can't or don't want to start a new relationship with other children, they may see it as a betrayal of the first family almost equivalent with having an affair, they just don't have enough love to go round. I'm not saying these are my views and personally I think it's horrible but I can see where they be emotionally with the situation.

@Flatpackback I never thought if it that way but they aren’t good parents to my dh (imho) so I guess it does stand to reason that they’d be less than great gps. Well to my dc anyway.

This thread has really opened my eyes to how widespread issues like this are. Blatant favouritism, benign indifference and plain old coldness are sadly rife.

Where you the OW?

@Pittapitta no. My dh pp died five years before we met and he had other girlfriends before we got together

@Pittapitta

Where you the OW?

OP has said several times that the step childrens mother died and she met her DP 5 years later.

Why do you feel the need to ask that?

@Pittapitta would that be a reason for shitty gps behaviour? I don’t know anyone who’s been I that situation is that a thing? Surely any kids are innocent of their parents “crimes”?

@LemmysAceCard I just figured @Pittapitta didn’t read the whole thing

@LemmysAceCard skim read the thread would be why I asked that. Calm down- why has a stranger on the internet managed to rile you so much?

@MrsOldma yeah I’m not saying it’s right to treat people differently I’ve just seen it time and time again that’s why I asked but you’re right I didn’t read thread properly, sorry about that!

[quote Pittapitta]@LemmysAceCard skim read the thread would be why I asked that. Calm down- why has a stranger on the internet managed to rile you so much?[/quote]
Because its the usual shit trotted out, problem with the inlaws - were you the OW? Step kids dont like me - were you the OW? DH's dog tries to bit me - were you the OW? DH sister is unkind to me - were you the OW?

Such misogynistic crap.

@LemmysAceCard kinda like the SM bashing that goes on. Pps have assumed that “my” children will be treated differently from dss in the same situations. Whatever yawn

I see it differently I’m afraid. Step kids mother dies when they are still young, grandparents step in to help through the challenging time. Then when OP come a long five years later they are older and probably have health issues and aren’t as quick as they used to be and just aren’t able to give the same support.

The fact that you think it’s acceptable to describe your in laws as ‘freaks’ says a lot to be honest. Immature and pathetic.

I’d love to to hear their side of this story (and the step kids).

@LemmysAceCard ah got it, you were once the OW. I see.

@Rhine that explanation would make sense if my bil and sil didn’t have children who are younger than my dc but who get the preferential treatment.

And I do think it is abnormal or “freakish” to not treat your gc equally.

@Pittapitta so what if she was? Her point was still valid

Same here except PIL and my own parents show zero interest in my 2 DD. PIL have 12 grandchildren so I get my DD are just a number to them. My own parents only have 2 grandchildren had still zero interest. Most days actually it plays on my mind, if I call them out on it we will fall out. Very upsetting isn't it?

[quote MrsOldma]@Rhine that explanation would make sense if my bil and sil didn’t have children who are younger than my dc but who get the preferential treatment.

And I do think it is abnormal or “freakish” to not treat your gc equally.[/quote]
But you’ve said yourself that you moved 60miles away when you and your DH got together. That’s a hell of a long way and I’d imagine it was harder for them to build a close relationship with your kids. Why did you move so far away out of interest?

@rhine I never said that. We all live in the same area and always have