AIBU to ask how you cope with totally disinterested in laws?

[MrsOldma]

NC for this. My in laws show zero interest in my two DS, it’s actually embarrassing. My DH and I have two DS together but he had 3 DS with previous partner and those 3 get sleepovers, thoughtful gifts etc mine do not. Now I really don’t care about gifts etc but I feel so sorry that my sons are so obviously treated differently.

They don’t seem to care, my DH isn’t bothered but sometimes I feel like screaming you have more grandchildren you freaks at them.

Anyone had similar? How do I make sure my two aren’t horribly scarred by this?

@MondeoFan I’m so sorry you’re being treated that way! It used to bother me daily now it’s like I’ve accepted it but every now and then (like the night I made this thread) it bubbles up.

It is upsetting and I hope in time you find the sting lessens. There were some great tips on here from pps about only giving to a relationship what you get back. I know it’s easy to say that but I hope you can take away some of the advice.

Love to you

@MrsOldma that's a good phrase thanks. "Only giving to relationships what you get back"

I think my parents are old school but not old if you know what I mean. They are 69 and 71 so not old but I think they feel they've done their bit in raising children and expect me to do all the chasing - phoning them they never phone me, taking the children over to them - they never come here. When we are there they don't ask their grandchildren what they've been doing or how they are they only ask what I've been doing, work, who I've seen etc.

@LemmysAceCard maybe work on your anger issues. What a vile thing to say, I’m out of here now. Wow just wow.

@MondeoFan that’s strange how they ask about you but not their gc. How old are your dc?

Op have you asked them why they behave this way? Sorry if that’s been mentioned up thread

@Penguinnnnnnnnnnn I haven’t no. My dh says he’s spoken to them over the years but nothings changed.

It started out as things so blatant that it shocked me and I thought I must be wrong. Then overtime it just became “normal”. So much time has passed now that I don’t think there’s any point in asking now. I’ve accepted it for what it is and know it’s their loss but it still winds me up sometimes

@MrsOldma youngest DD is 5 and oldest DD is 15. My eldest knows there is virtually no relationship there and my youngest doesn't ever mention them or ask when she can see them either. Children can feel when they aren't wanted

@MondeoFan that kind of how my kids are they never ask after that set of gps. That’s part of why I worry that they might be upset by thus one day although they seem fine now.

That’s also why I’ve never had a confrontation with pil about this I wouldn’t want to impact the relationship further.

It’s just so odd how gps can act this way towards innocent kids

I'd stop going to their house even if I was invited and I'd only be polite if I saw them in the street. X

@copperoliver that’s pretty much where I am with them now. Except if we see them in the street I just let my DH do the talking, if I was alone I’d have to hide or fake a phone call or something

I'm glad you virtually ignore them they are not worth your time. X

@copperoliver I know you’re right but I still feel sorry that my DC don’t have a proper relationship with them.

I had the same problem with my in-laws and came to the conclusion if they were such not nice people, my children were better off without them. X

@copperoliver you’re so right but I still find it hard to witness my dc being treated like shit. How did you manage it?

I have exactly the same. FIL totally favours DGC from DP previous relationship. Gave my DS a quarter of the amount of money for opening his first account. Gave her 2 lots of xmas pressies and xmas card and nothing for my DS for his first xmas not even a card. It's so sad.

@Friendsoftheearth

I think I can now see why there is a problem with your in laws mrsoldma

You are being very unreasonable on this thread, and it is all about you and your kids. You have barely acknowledged the terrible pain caused to your step children that have lost their mother! You just keep talking about the fact your children missing out on grandparents, It is not the same. They have lost their mother, the very worst thing that can happen to a child.
Your kids have two other grandparents, plus the two that are in your mind substandard.
Your posts are all about your kids and you, when in fact the focus should be on the children that have lost their mother. There is no comparison.
And to begrudge those children extra attention from their gps, whom clearly understand what the children have been through is very unkind.

Perhaps if you mentioned that the children's mother had died and their father busy with his new family and his job, then you might have had a very different response on here.

Twatty reply. Did you not read the bit about younger grandchildren who are also treated better than the ops kids? The loss of a parent has sod all to do with ops dilemma as clearly stated multiple times.

@Rhine

I see it differently I’m afraid. Step kids mother dies when they are still young, grandparents step in to help through the challenging time. Then when OP come a long five years later they are older and probably have health issues and aren’t as quick as they used to be and just aren’t able to give the same support.

The fact that you think it’s acceptable to describe your in laws as ‘freaks’ says a lot to be honest. Immature and pathetic.

I’d love to to hear their side of this story (and the step kids).

How about asking the younger gc from ops sil and bil who get sleepovers and thoughtful gifts. There is no excuse to treat gc differently.