Sexual harassment is an almost universal experience for women

[severeine]

I was having a conversation with a well-meaning male friend who was struggling to believe this. I think it is a case of not realising because he hasn't asked/spoken to enough women and isn't a perpetrator himself. For most women I think it is for to say this starts well before even the teen years and persists for 3 or more decades. I have experienced it myself, from school to work, in random situations and still do now. You don't need to be attractive, I am I suppose what you'd call average, you just need to be a woman, ideally unaccompanied. I was talking to one female friend who was harassed every single day by strangers when she lived in Paris, which is one place I've heard of it happening a lot, only it is everywhere. I wonder what your experiences have been?

I haven’t experienced it - I guess I’m lucky.

Yup. I remember my friend being in tears when we were on holiday in Spain because we were being harassed every night by much, much older men (old enough to be out grandads) that's when I really took heed of how threatening it is to be a woman. We were 17.

Also traveling in India with another female friend in our twenties was fun

Never experienced it but I've always been completely under the radar of most people as I'm very ugly and dress like a bloke.

Dd started to be harassed and stared at from 11.
She hates it.

I was harassed for being fat, and not being attractive enough, because apparently women are there for men’s entertainment

@severeine

I was having a conversation with a well-meaning male friend who was struggling to believe this. I think it is a case of not realising because he hasn't asked/spoken to enough women and isn't a perpetrator himself. For most women I think it is for to say this starts well before even the teen years and persists for 3 or more decades. I have experienced it myself, from school to work, in random situations and still do now. You don't need to be attractive, I am I suppose what you'd call average, you just need to be a woman, ideally unaccompanied. I was talking to one female friend who was harassed every single day by strangers when she lived in Paris, which is one place I've heard of it happening a lot, only it is everywhere. I wonder what your experiences have been?

More men need to understand this and always believe the person saying this. It is prevalent to say the least.

You may well get a slew of "but this never happened to me", but this post shouldn't be an attempt at a census that denies the lived experiences of other women.

Dd also recently left a job behind a bar because she couldn’t cope with the sexual comments from local men, who have known her since she was born, and a boss who thought it was funny and wouldn’t deal with it.

Yup. First experienced directly at 13 years of age when a guy and his mate wanted me to 'show them places for a great time'. They stopped their car then crawled alongside me half my way home .... from school, country lane. Eventually drove off when a teacher stopped.

But I remember age 11 my mum stomping over to where I was doing cartwheels at a bbq and telling me to stop. On the way home (pretending to sleep in the car) I overheard my parents discussing whether or not the friend of my dad's was being inappropriate discussing whether or mot I was wearing a bra, I then connected my mum's seeming rage as not being directed at me (for once). But the minor things, car horns, meeting comments, guys standing needlessly close on the underground. ... well. I can't even remember becoming aware of that shit.

God yes. I'm talking about the 70s/80s but it was rife

But it’s not to do with how attractive/ not attractive someone is. It is not about the woman.

It’s about intimidation, power, control, entitlement - all horrible qualities that objectify and dehumanise the other.

I also dont know a woman who hasnt experienced anything (and that definitely includes me wearing male clothes too ... as soon as men realise in fact it seems to trigger some sort of over the top you just need a man / to try more and youd "get lucky" bs). I tend to think there are less men that think this is acceptable now but its still got to be a good 1/3 that either condone or would engage in active misogyny in this way.

I’ve never experienced this, and I’d say it’s either because I’ve been lucky, or I’m nothing to look at, or have a don’t-mess-with-me face.

I’ve travelled extensively around the UK, Europe, U.S, New Zealand and Australia - and nothing.

Lots. Once about my tits when I was pushing one of my children to school, in their buggy.

Women are still the vulnerable sex.

It seems not to happen to some women though despite what they wear so maybe there's the perceived vulnerability that men sense in women that they feel they can intimidate a stranger.

But it’s not to do with how attractive/ not attractive someone is. It is not about the woman. It’s about intimidation, power, control, entitlement - all horrible qualities that objectify and dehumanise the other.

This is so true. Two of my friends at school who often got the worst of the comments/intimidation were girls who were deemed "unattractive" by the scummy boys in our year who felt entitled to comment on their looks as if it was their god given right. It was as though girls were purely there as objects and their worthiness based on how attractive they were. Sickening and I know it still effects one of those girls almost 20 years later.

Yep I don't believe there's a single woman on earth who has not received unwelcome attention from men

Yes it is

I was aware from a very young age that some men looked at me in a way that made me uncomfortable (I was in foster care for a while it’s rife thankfully I escaped from the abuse but it made me hyper vigilant)

From the age of developing it was constant from comments to gawping to harassment

Thankfully as I became more confident it lessened

I think many men think the odd experience we may mention are our only experiences they fail to grasp how often we are harassed and many just can’t understand how threatening it can be. I have been asked why do haven’t punched someone who has sexually assaulted me own the shame the humiliation and the fear he is willing to sexually assault me he is likely to be willing to punch me too

As a teenager (from age of 13) I waitressed. Not a single shift went by without my boobs being discussed or attempts to grab me. These were just normal "family" men "having a laugh"

In the army...well as one of less than 20 women on a base with several hundred men there was an unspoken expectation that we were there for their entertainment rather than pursuing careers of our own I actually got dragged to guardhouse for lamping a bloke who tried getting his hand in my bra unsolicited

Now an almost invisible, overweight and average looking woman I still get comments about my boobs as "banter".

It's shit and constant even for someone as unremarkable looking as me. I can't imagine how attractive women get on.

Yup, pretty much. I was first catcalled when I was about 12. And I am not pretty or with a "feminine" curvy figure (flat chested actually).

I just don't think men realise what a normal, basic experience this is for women and girls.

I started getting stared at, beeped at and shouted at from cars when I was 12. I was in a high school uniform but I was tiny (I’m only 5ft0 as an adult) and hadn’t started developing. I very much looked like a child.

It didn’t get better as I got older and have been leered at and catcalled whilst pregnant, and even had a drunk guy start walking alongside me making sexual suggestions as I walked along with my toddler DD and my newborn in the pram. We lived in the city centre of a city with a reputation for being rough as fuck at the time which probably contributed to it. I’ve since moved and as yet my eldest (almost 13 now) doesn’t seem to have suffered it just yet.

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t experienced it to some degree and some of my friends stories are considerably worse than mine.

YANBU.

It started around age 11 and still occasionally get it now, aged 60!

I’ve never experienced it and after conversations with friends in the past they haven’t either.

It doesn’t happen to every single woman.

I used to think it had never really happened to me. I've never experienced for example flashing, parents friends or relatives trying it on or similar. But there have been so many more minor incidents that I'd never given much thought to as they are just part of life.

Then I got groped in a crowd a few years ago and it made me think. Does this happen to men? Virtually never. That thing where men touch you on the waist to squeeze past you in pubs, do they do that to other men? No. That thing where they say "smile, it might never happen" in the street. Doesn't happen to men. That time when I couldn't remember which pocket my ringing phone was in and I was patting them to find it "I'll help you with that, snigger". Same when I absent mindedly tugged up a bra strap in the street one day. And you never know when they're going to do it, it catches you off guard and makes you uncomfortable. That's why they do it. To remind you who's in charge.

The worst place I experienced it was when I moved to Ireland at 18 in the mid 90s.

I couldn't leave my house without being shouted at - there was a busy road at the end of my street and 9 times out of 10 when I stopped to cross it I'd get beeped or shouted at by men in cars.

In nightclubs my best friend and I learned to dance always looking at the floor. If you accidentally caught the eye of a bloke they would make a beeline for you and attach themselves limpet-like to you. I'm serious that glancing someone in the eye could be treated as some kind of consent for being grabbed and groped.

I also suffered from an English accent which - as most men their 'knew' - meant that I was a protestant slag and would definitely be up for it.

I often wonder what it's like for young women living in Ireland now that Ireland has gone woke.

Yup. Casual groping at gigs/clubs, catcalling in the street, stealthing, workplace discrimination... it all adds up. I just don’t think men realise how all-pervasive it really is.