Sexual harassment is an almost universal experience for women

[severeine]

I was having a conversation with a well-meaning male friend who was struggling to believe this. I think it is a case of not realising because he hasn't asked/spoken to enough women and isn't a perpetrator himself. For most women I think it is for to say this starts well before even the teen years and persists for 3 or more decades. I have experienced it myself, from school to work, in random situations and still do now. You don't need to be attractive, I am I suppose what you'd call average, you just need to be a woman, ideally unaccompanied. I was talking to one female friend who was harassed every single day by strangers when she lived in Paris, which is one place I've heard of it happening a lot, only it is everywhere. I wonder what your experiences have been?

First time about 12 years old men driving alongside me and my friends trying to get us into their car.
Regularly since then up to now (42 years old). Not just calling in the street but physical groping in public and sexual harassment at work.
I remember walking along a street with my boyfriend (now DH) and getting hissed at ( you know those strange sounds some blokes do that sound like they are trying to call a cat to them) by a group of blokes and him being genuinely puzzled and saying, 'What was THAT?!'

I had to explain, those were the types of noises that men make at you - not him but other men. He really couldn't understand it and was shocked that I was so blasé about it.
I don't know any of my female friends who haven't been on the end of some kind of harassment over the years.

Urgh, I hate that squeezing past you and grabbing your waist in pubs. So many weird situations too. I remember being about 11 on a train. Fairly empty and a dark. And an old man came and sat a few seats away opposite me. He was old. And he just stared at me the whole journey. I was so uncomfortable but didn’t even have a name for what I felt. Let alone the courage to move seats. I thought I’d get told off by the conductor for sitting in the wrong seat.

Like a previous poster, I read a thread like this a while ago and thought- well it hasn’t happened to me. But then I remembered- the bum groping in pubs, late train journeys alone after work trips where a group of guys would get too close and touch your knee, a guy snogging me uninvited on holiday. It just seems so normal I hadn’t really thought about it, and all I ever thought was- thank god that didn’t progress to something worse. And I do feel lucky nothing worse has happened. Though constantly in fear that it still could, and that fear now extends to my daughter too.

Yup. And I think a lot of women who say they haven't experienced it ar the type who dont let it bother them. Factually - cat calling, random groping in public, men who approach in bars/clubs and dont take the immediate no as an answer all count. But for lots of women, because they dont feel unsafe or disempowered in these situations they dont consider it harassment. But it is.

Yes , but now I’m 47 ! I just get sexism at work instead
Yay

I'm shocked to see posters say it hasn't happened to them - not disbelieving them at all its just that I don't know any woman in real life it hasn't happened to. There are things I didn't recognise until many years later - I have experienced so many things from a really young age but no more than any of my friends. I remember being called frigid from about 12 by disgusting boys at school because obviously there is something wrong with you if you're not interested in a greasy haired acne ridden gobshite with BO

Yup started at a convey younger age and was always men in 2's or groups. I do remember one really old man well into his 70's saying some really inappropriate things to me while I was helping my friend run a charity bring and buy stall. Made me feel quite sick and self conscious. I was in trackies and a jumper, not that it makes a difference.

Very young, not convey younger 🙄

Absolutely everywhere and from age 13 to 50

From 11. I was blonde though and developed early. In pretty much every country I've been to except Iceland and China (although still lots of sexism, no harassment).

When women say it's never happened, are we including 'cheer up love' and being followed and comments on looks etc.? because I find it incredible that some women haven't experienced that. Considering it was EVERY SINGLE building site to EVERY SINGLE woman that worked past in the 80s.

YANBU.
I started when I was at primary school, I matured early and looked a lot older than I was. I don’t even remember one incident that was the moment I realised I was being gawked at, it was just ever present. I wasn’t even a pretty teenager, I just had big tits. I was attractive in my twenties, and the lecherous comments, being followed round a nightclub, catcalled in the street etc continued - I think it’s a big part of why I don’t like boozy nights out and never have. I often say I wish I had the confidence of a balding, overweight middle-aged white man, because why on Earth wouldn’t I want to sleep with him?!
In my thirties now and it happened in fucking Asda last week.

Yep, since about 12 I think. From cat calls whistles and comments shouted from cars (more when younger including one delightful threat to rape me which resulted in my now husband being headbutted when he swore at them back) to bum grabbing, waist touching and arm round shoulders in bars. of course its me with the issue when called out.

Happens less now as rarely at bars or clubs without dh and otherwise the toddler often attached to me is a pretty big turn off I assume.

But with age (hah, I'm only in my 30s) comes weariness and no bullshitting which often leads to sexism and agism. Last year I was on a hen and called out some guys for blatantly negging one of the other (younger, much more beautiful! But also not into it) girls in the group. Obviously I was just jealous he wasn't going for "the old one".

I also remember wearing my engagement ring whilst being out with some girls at a bar, a guy and his mate were chatting to us when one turned to the other and said "that ones not worth it mate, she's wearing a ring". Because my worth as a person is clearly based on the very small chance I might sleep with a man, clearly.

Every single woman I have spoken to about this has received some kind of inappropriate behaviour from men. Be it comments and innuendos or physical abuse.

I have been fairly lucky - it has mainly been inappropriate comments and questions. Mainly men at work asking about my sex life and preferences. The man who used to walk past all the womens' desks and shout out 'all over your pretty little face'. My boss who spotted my pants poking out of the top of my trousers and felt it was appropriate to comment on. A male colleague who thought it was ok to ask me how many times a week I had sex. The group of men on the street who smacked me on the arse as I walked past (I was fourteen).

A girl at my school (also aged fourteen) got raped in our local graveyard. Another friend got followed home and head butted,when she tried to fight the man off. Another friend got followed on the street and had a man grab her and stick his fingers inside her. My sister, sitting opposite a man on the tube got told 'you had your legs open so wide I nearly came' - she was wearing jeans. I could go on.

I am so fucking furious. Women deal with this shit every single day of their lives and yet we are having to fight to keep our safe spaces.

I’m a 50 something average looking female - recently I was wandering around a car boot sale and a random bloke similar age to me - just said ‘nice tits’ and walked past!
I told DP later and he was WTAF!!!

I really didn't enjoy Paris because of the harassment I encountered. From the airport, to being chased down the street - not a fan! But you're right OP it's universal - same in NYC.

Never experienced it.
What is the % of women who have?

@Oblomov20

Never experienced it. What is the % of women who have?

Never anything passing a building site? not once?

It was constant when I was younger. So percentages seem odd to me, being as not a day went by during my teens and 20s. My heart used to sink when I saw workmen.

Headmaster in primary school used to put his hand up girls' skirts. He taught one of my classes for a while when the regular teacher was on maternity leave, when I was 10. So you could say it stated then for me and as all the girls in my class.

I can think of three occasions without even trying - being groped on a tube escalator, a male colleague who liked to sit to close and grab my arm or leg and being curb crawled on my way to the gym in my sweatpants

My hairdressers tell me that in a specific place in the city centre when out with each other as women they always link arms because several times the smallest woman has been physically picked up by a drunken bloke who thinks it is hilarious to 'kidnap' and run with her to the other end of the street away from all her friends and then drop her and run off. What a sickening power play.

Yep don’t know any female who hasn’t.

Funnily enough this came up on a zoom call with ex colleagues blokes we worked with said how “lucky” us girls were where we worked before as nothing like that would of happened (he had been talking about an incident at his work) myself and the other women on the call laughed and started to list our top ten “incidents” at our old place of work that had happened to us. I think I was more surprised at how shocked they were, like what were you doing walking round with your eyes closed.

I can honestly say I have not experienced this.

I have been a lone runner, a long distance commuter in to London and walked home alone many times at night and I have never experienced sexual harassment.

Yep. Almost daily from the age of about 11 until late teens, then it kind of changed form and was men in clubs grabbing you etc, but it is the early years that stick with me. I reached puberty young, had blonde hair and big boobs. This made grown men and teenage boys alike treat me like I was fair game. Like I had made my body like that on purpose just for their attention. Thinking about it now - especially with a teenage daughter - makes me rage.
But I don't think I know any woman who hasn't been through something like this.

All of my close friends have experienced some sort of harassment ranging from catcalling to rape. The problem is that many people don't consider harassment on the catcalling side of the range is sexual harassment. Many people consider that this is just boys being boys and an acceptable way of demonstrating their appreciation for the woman involved who should be flattered at the attention.

I hated being catcalled, getting my arse and boobs groped, having to forcibly push men off me, and being called a bitch when I wouldn't have sex with someone I kissed. Out of my friends/sister/cousins, I got off lightly.

Reading that back sounds horrendous but the saddest thing is that it's just normal occurrences for women. Even sadder still, many people still think that some of those things aren't harassment.

It was a daily occurrence for me when I lived in Paris. Street harassment there is appalling. I was also sexually assaulted there.

And plenty of catcalling here. Flashers. Obscene phone calls (bit of a retro one, that one).

Dd is 13. It started for her when she was 11. She’s already been flashed at and dealt with street harassment.