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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lost confidence due to partners comment

173 replies

Anon2801 · 17/08/2020 11:23

Hi all,
Im really struggling with something and really need a bit of advice. I'm a slightly older woman than my partner who is 35 and we've been together for nearly two years. Last year, my partner said something to me that had such a big impact on my self esteem and really hurt my feelings, its affected our physical relationship simply because I am now so self conscious and have no self esteem left. He made a comment saying that I had a "badly packed kebab" which I learned was a derogatory term for a woman's genitals. My heart sank and I was shocked and i even started looking at surgery. Is it understandable to feel so hurt and self conscious by his comment or am I overreacting. It brings me to tears sometimes and I don't know what to do. Thank you.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 17/08/2020 11:25

Why the fuck didn't you instantly dump this disgusting pig? That's the only thing you need to change. What an utter prick.

Oneandabean · 17/08/2020 11:27

Agree with pp get rid of him. He sounds like an immature pig. You deserve much better

premiumshoes · 17/08/2020 11:28

You don't know what to do?

Tell him to get to fuck and carry on with your life happily?

Immigrantsong · 17/08/2020 11:28

OP it isn't too late to tell him he can go eat elsewhere.

LTB

RiteAid · 17/08/2020 11:30

Oh OP, I’m so sorry.

You do NOT need surgery. You just don’t need this horrible prick.

Genitals come in all kinds of shapes and sizes which are absolutely normal and nothing at all to be judged for. He is just a horrible, immature man who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

You deserve much better than this.

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/08/2020 11:30

I know what to do: dump the hateful misogynistic prick. How dare he.

Why do you mention you're older? That shouldn't be an issue if the relationship is good. Has he made comments about that too? He sounds like the kind of shit who deliberately targets women with low self esteem so he can bring their confidence down to nothing, because no woman with any self respect would stay with him. He wants you to think you're so awful that nobody else would have you. That's not true, obviously, but even if it were, so fucking what? How can being single be worse than being enslaved to a woman-hating arsewipe whose sole purpose in the relationship is to destroy you?

Grapewrath · 17/08/2020 11:32

Op the problem here is that your self esteem is so cripplingly low that you haven’t taken this comment as is it- a ridiculously immature comment from a total cunt. Instead of recognising him as a total arsehole you have internalised his comment as truth. That is a huge issue.
Get rid of this dickhead and start working on some self love

FlySheMust · 17/08/2020 11:34

You deserve better.

Bluntness100 · 17/08/2020 11:36

Why didn’t you just dump his sorry arse?

ErickBroch · 17/08/2020 11:36

The only way to move on is to dump him. That is disgusting and no shit you have no confidence after that. You will find another partner who is nothing like this - it's not normal and you don't need to stick around for it.

BluebellForest836 · 17/08/2020 11:37

Why have you stayed with him? That is vile!

GoJetterGirl · 17/08/2020 11:39

Dump his ass...

jessstan2 · 17/08/2020 11:39

That is an awful thing for him to have said. Did you ask him what he meant? I have no idea. However what I do know is there is nothing wrong with your genitals and he has probably been looking at unrealistic pictures.

Most men appreciate a proper woman.

I'd get rid of him fast in your position and certainly wouldn't have been brooding over his stupid remark since last year.

Don't let him spoil your life.

Original poster
Anon2801 · 17/08/2020 11:39

Its such a relief to hear that my reaction is normal. When I've tried to explain how it's affected me, he gets angry and tells me he was joking and that I need to forget about it, but i simply can't. I do know that i shouldn't put up with some of the things he says but for some reason, im finding it really hard to just walk away, whereas in other psst relationships, it wouldn't have been a problem, and i cant understand why this is affecting me so much.

OP posts:
Bumbrella · 17/08/2020 11:48

Say his dick looks like a wonky baby carrot from Morrison’s and dump him.

ToastedSausages · 17/08/2020 11:51

Say his dick looks like a wonky baby carrot from Morrison’s and dump him.

Nicely put.

Honestly, OP, it makes me sad to think that you've internalised his disgusting misogyny, rather than recognising it as the comment of an utter pig. You deserve far more.

Branleuse · 17/08/2020 11:59

if he thinks its a badly packed kebab, then maybe he should fuck off and not come near it.
Nobodies genitals are that pretty close up objectively, but if you fancy someone and are into them, then thats a different story. He insulted you in a really intimate way and id find that really hurtful and possibly unforgiveable

Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 17/08/2020 12:03

Honestly, is his penis any different to any mans? They're not pretty either.
Tell him so.
Seem shocked at his upset.
I'd start referring to his penis as the mole rat.

Rumbletumbleinmytummy · 17/08/2020 12:06

Tell him his pemis looks like a naked mole rat. That one. Do it when you have his penis in your hand, then drop it.

See how the nasty fucker likes that one.

Takingontheworld · 17/08/2020 12:06

This sounds like this goes much deeper- you reference other shit things he says /does.

The OP is enough to dump on the spot though.

Flowers DO NOT GET SURGERY GET RID OF HIM.

ShebaShimmyShake · 17/08/2020 12:08

@Anon2801

Its such a relief to hear that my reaction is normal. When I've tried to explain how it's affected me, he gets angry and tells me he was joking and that I need to forget about it, but i simply can't. I do know that i shouldn't put up with some of the things he says but for some reason, im finding it really hard to just walk away, whereas in other psst relationships, it wouldn't have been a problem, and i cant understand why this is affecting me so much.
I expect his modus operandi from the start has been to bring down your confidence so you've probably been wrong footed from day 1 without realising it. Lockdown may have made things worse in any number of ways.

It is a revolting misogynistic comment that says everything about him and nothing about you.

TwentyViginti · 17/08/2020 12:23

My genitalia isn't 'neat and tidy' like some women's, but in my sexually active lfe spanning 48 years, my exh, ex LTR's or FWB has EVER commented on this.

Guess how near they'd have got to it if they had?

Clue: Not very!

EatsShootsAndRuns · 17/08/2020 12:27

Well it's a good thing you're never going to have to see it again then, isn't it.

TwentyViginti · 17/08/2020 12:28

*Have NEVER commented

Help1101 · 17/08/2020 12:30

Please get rid of this ‘man’