Lost confidence due to partners comment

[Anon2801]

Hi all,
Im really struggling with something and really need a bit of advice. I'm a slightly older woman than my partner who is 35 and we've been together for nearly two years. Last year, my partner said something to me that had such a big impact on my self esteem and really hurt my feelings, its affected our physical relationship simply because I am now so self conscious and have no self esteem left. He made a comment saying that I had a "badly packed kebab" which I learned was a derogatory term for a woman's genitals. My heart sank and I was shocked and i even started looking at surgery. Is it understandable to feel so hurt and self conscious by his comment or am I overreacting. It brings me to tears sometimes and I don't know what to do. Thank you.

This is a Tedx by Laura Dodsworth (100 vaginas documenary artist)

Disgusted at this, I really am, tell him kebabs off the menu as you throw him out hugs.

I'd dump him for saying this about anyone, let alone me.

That's so rude & unkind. He sounds very immature. I'd tell him to leave, OP.

That’s disgustingly misogynistic.

I’m assuming he means the labia minor can be seen outside the labia major? That’s completely normal- someone women have neater genitals I’m sure, but mine certainly protrude outside.

I think it was better when everyone had plenty of pubic hair so it wasn’t possible to analyse the tiny details of differences between genitals!

As if dicks are Monets.

Beeyatch 😂😂😂😂👏

@justasking111

There is a painting by an artist female who painted a pile of vaginas all different, cannot remember who she is or I would put up the picture for you. He really is vile the funniest looking anatomy is the male one imo.

when a man made eroding my self esteem his mission, I was so disempowered I held on hoping he'd give back the confidence he'd taken. Sadly it doesn't work that way, I got my confidence back when I left and no longer had to put up with his comments.

Very good point from FOJN.

You do need surgery.
You need a wankerectomy.

You stayed?

I’m sure his penis is lovely to look at.

What a horrid thing to say. I’d of said yeah and your cock looks like that manky shrivelled up chilli that everyone chucks out the kebab, all thin and limp no good to anyone.

Seriously though don’t change yourself for anyone, the only thing that needs to change is him.

@VettiyaIruken

You do need surgery. You need a wankerectomy.

I'm stealing wankerectomy 😅

Agree with everyone, you don’t need surgery, you just need to ditch him!

When I was younger I dated someone who acted like going down on me was disgusting. I don’t think it was me particularly, just in general. But it made me really self conscious and paranoid even when I was with people who were much more enthusiastic about it! Even though I know it was their issue far more than mine

Men who put women down usually have a chip on their shoulder and do it to make themselves better. Give any nasty comments back by saying, 'that's not true'. Just because someone says something does not mean it's true. Don't own it.

Please don't have painful surgery esp for such a dickhead. I feel really angry on your behalf

Honestly OP you know you’re better than this.

Vaginas, vulvas, labias, clitorises, public hair all come in different shapes, colours and sizes.

Have confidence in yourself to get rid this idiot.

Completely agree that you must leave, OP. There really is no coming back from remarks like this. The only solution is to get rid of him together with his associated insult - you’ll never be able to separate them. The longer you stay, the longer you will suffer the low self- esteem he has inflicted on you. Get angry - anger in this situation is an expression of self respect and a refusal to accept horrible and abusive behaviour. Assert your own worth and leave. This is a lesson on what never to accept in the future.

Unless his member's a Monet tell him to stfu! You'd be well shot of him and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you but certainly a lot wrong with him and his dick so don't waste your time on the nasty idiot and get rid of him!

Have you told him how upsetting you found his comment and that it is still playing on your mind whenever anything physical happens? You could just dump him but I don't think that future relationships will be easy with these hurtful comments echoing in your ears.

(which is not to say that you shouldn't separate but you might want to talk it through first)

Wow. He's fortunate you're still communicating with him. If it was me, kebab would be off the menu permanently.

I have really taken all of your help and advice on board. It's helped to just get others points of view. I have spoken to him and although he's apologised, he just gets defensive and tells me it was a joke and that I need to forget it and stop focusing on the negatives whatever that means

It wasn't a joke, he's just apologising now for a quiet life. He's a nasty shit and you deserve better. I hope that you are secure enough to just chuck the little shit out.

You wonder at some people! Focusing on the negative? Has he said something lovely about it recently that you've forgotten?!!

Ovienna here, ready for deployment with my pitchfork!

LTB

@Anon2801
My ex has a real thing about not liking Women's external genitalia
So much so, that I wondered if he was Gay.

Suffice to say his latest wife spoke to me about him...And he hasn't changed at all!

Don't go getting surgery.. Men's todgers and bawbags are hardly the most aesthetically appealing things- but we don't go making them feel bad about themselves.

Why would you want surgery??
Don't let this oaf destroy your confidence.