Lost confidence due to partners comment

[Anon2801]

Hi all,
Im really struggling with something and really need a bit of advice. I'm a slightly older woman than my partner who is 35 and we've been together for nearly two years. Last year, my partner said something to me that had such a big impact on my self esteem and really hurt my feelings, its affected our physical relationship simply because I am now so self conscious and have no self esteem left. He made a comment saying that I had a "badly packed kebab" which I learned was a derogatory term for a woman's genitals. My heart sank and I was shocked and i even started looking at surgery. Is it understandable to feel so hurt and self conscious by his comment or am I overreacting. It brings me to tears sometimes and I don't know what to do. Thank you.

@TwentyViginti

He wouldn’t be seeing my kebab again no matter how neatly it was packed.
No kebab for him!

I'd suggest he explore if there is a more obvious reason he isn't attracted to female genitalia.
Seriously though , he's just horrible .

What a revolting man he is! Please please do what’s best for your mental health and leave him.

Oh wow, you poor thing! What a horrific thing to say to anyone, let alone the woman you're supposed to love. He should be on his knees begging for forgiveness, not dismissing your feelings. Wow, that would be an absolute dealbreaker for me. I'm pretty sure all "kebabs" are pretty ugly close up and that you're absolutely fine and "normal", if such a blanket concept exists. You're worth so much more than this man.

OP, he's a disgusting excuse for a partner. Has he still been trying to get his leg over too ?? If so, why ? If you're so disgusting 'down there' why would he ever want to go there ??

You are perfectly NORMAL and do NOT need surgery (unless you can get removal of a gangrenous, pus filled partner on the NHS ? [grin)

He's hurt you badly and simply says 'shut up, it was a joke..'
He IS the bloody joke !

Your answer ? FUCK RIGHT OFF, out the room, out the house, out the street, then fuck off some more !

You really need to kick him to the kerb, or you're going to suffer further abuse from this cretin.

NO-ONE who loves or cares for you would hurt you like that, no-one.

If my DH said that to me he’d never have sex with me again! Ever! What an utter twat!
He was bang out of order and now he’s trying to make it your fault because - gaslighting you into thinking you’re wrong. He’s disgusting and you’re not wrong to be this upset.

You don’t need surgery btw, women are all different in anatomy, however you could amputate the nasty twat from your life - that’d work.

I want to echo what other pp have said. This man is totally disrespectful. What a vile and childish thing to say, made all the worse by refusing to acknowledge how upset it has made you.
There's so much porn nowadays and the hairless, virtually lipless porno vulva is maybe what a lot of guys have seen a lot of - online. But most of us know that porn bodies and indeed porn sex is nothing like real bodies and real sex - in a good way. Would he be happy to be compared to unrealistic standards?
Do not waste another second thinking you need surgery. Either give him a final chance to apologise (because we do all make mistakes) or dump him and leave him to "enjoy" looking at porn vaginas instead of feeling a real one - warm, wet, lovely, hairy, squishy, imperfect - around his likely equally imperfect penis.

OP, he's a disgusting excuse for a partner. Has he still been trying to get his leg over too ?? If so, why ? If you're so disgusting 'down there' why would he ever want to go there ?? You are perfectly NORMAL and do NOT need surgery (unless you can get removal of a gangrenous, pus filled partner on the NHS ? [grin) He's hurt you badly and simply says 'shut up, it was a joke..'  He IS the bloody joke ! Your answer ? FUCK RIGHT OFF, out the room, out the house, out the street, then fuck off some more ! You really need to kick him to the kerb, or you're going to suffer further abuse from this cretin. NO-ONE who loves or cares for you would hurt you like that, no-one. 🔔This with bells on!!

I'm so angry for you!! How dare he?
OP that is never a joke. He came out with that because thats what he thinks.
Someone who loves you would never, ever think that let alone throw it back at you.
Do you know how to reclaim your self esteem? Get rid of him, and that will empower you.
What a pig to have said such a disgusting that.

Bloody hell, if someone said that to me it’d be the last time they saw me or my “kebab” again. What an absolute cockwomble!

WHAT? That is a hideous thing to say to you. Get rid of this absolute idiot.

Please leave op. A partner should make you feel beautiful and loved and you should feel safe around him. He makes you feel worthless because of his arsehole comment. You deserve better. Much better

If someone said that to me I literally couldn’t be physical with them again. I don’t know how you’ve stayed to be honest.

A joke? Where no one laughs.

Dump him. Tell him you've always struggled with his inadequate penis.

That is an awful, awful thing to say. I have no idea how you come back from that one.

""badly packed kebab"

Utter bastard
That would be the end of any relationship for me

Tell him that his smelly micro pickle isn't coming near that kebab until he reads up on female anatomy. Lets be honest, most ladies undercarriage looks like it has been run over by a double decker bus...especially after childbirth. Porn and cosmetic surgery has changed our vision about how these bits should look. Personally I have a hideous female parts inside and out...even my gynae surgeon told me I was a lot better looking on the outside than the inside. I just laughed it off and suggest you reframe how you feel about his comments.

Don't internalise his comments and let him ruin your life. You have bigger problems in your life than a 'badly packed kebab'...best drop this fella and get someone who is just glad to get anywhere near your lady parts.

This is disgusting. This excuse for a man says something awful and untrue about you, makes you feel awful to the point you are considering unneccessary surgery.

Leave this idiotic pig. How dare he do that to you.

It is NOT TRUE. He has problems with women and female genitalia, obviously. And with being a kind and decent person.

Please please please please leave this horrible person. I am livid on your behalf. IT IS NOT TRUE.

I once went out with a guy who likened my nether regions to a "punched lasagne"...what a charmer!
I did think that was a bit rich coming from someone who had a cock like a cashew nut so I took great pleasure in telling him this as I threw him out my flat.

for some reason, im finding it really hard to just walk away, whereas in other psst relationships, it wouldn't have been a problem, and i cant understand why this is affecting me so much.

Not sure if it's any help but in my personal experience when a man made eroding my self esteem his mission, I was so disempowered I held on hoping he'd give back the confidence he'd taken. Sadly it doesn't work that way, I got my confidence back when I left and no longer had to put up with his comments. I hope you find the courage to leave, you deserve better.

How can there be so many men out there who don't know what a woman looks like?

I'm sure he'd find it hilarious if you made jokes about his raw chipolata and forget about it straight away wouldn't he.

Anyone would be hurt and angry and if he's telling you different he is completely deluded or trying to gaslight you

Sorry, of course the answer is that they do know, but they're useless sorry sacks who know they're so shit that no self-respecting woman would stay with them...so they work by trying to destroy women's confidence so that they won't leave. Ultimately, deep down, they know they're shit and that you could do much better, so they try to stop you realising that.

Your reaction is entirely normal and his reaction that he demand you just forget about it and move on is very telling, if his original comment didn’t already say enough about him.

He hasn’t asked forgiveness, he just thinks it’s his right to insult you and you need to take it and move on. In case you need that spelled out.

Please leave him. This isn’t just a ‘LTB’ situation, it’s a ‘please, please, go be free of this awful human being.’