Lost confidence due to partners comment

[Anon2801]

Hi all,
Im really struggling with something and really need a bit of advice. I'm a slightly older woman than my partner who is 35 and we've been together for nearly two years. Last year, my partner said something to me that had such a big impact on my self esteem and really hurt my feelings, its affected our physical relationship simply because I am now so self conscious and have no self esteem left. He made a comment saying that I had a "badly packed kebab" which I learned was a derogatory term for a woman's genitals. My heart sank and I was shocked and i even started looking at surgery. Is it understandable to feel so hurt and self conscious by his comment or am I overreacting. It brings me to tears sometimes and I don't know what to do. Thank you.

He sounds a lot like an utterly twattish ex of mine (same chronological age as me, about 15 years younger in terms of personality and social development though I couldn't see it at the time) from my early 30s. He made comments about how crap sex was with me as I "couldn't relax". Luckily my next partner (younger than me) was fabulous in bed and very loving (not still together but he did help me recover my self esteem).

Honestly, get rid of this useless piece of dreck. You deserve better.

@justasking111

There is a painting by an artist female who painted a pile of vaginas all different, cannot remember who she is or I would put up the picture for you. He really is vile the funniest looking anatomy is the male one imo.

There was a study (scientific) to find out what a "normal" vulva etc looks like and they found something really interesting -that there is no normal. www.papermag.com/no-normal-vulva-2584388978.html?rebelltitem=2#rebelltitem2

There is a "porn" expectation -but that is not normal.

What a revolting expression. He sounds like a nasty kid rather than a 35 year old man.

You do not need surgery to change your genitalia to impress this vile human being; the only surgery you need to is to cut him out of your life.

Having surgery (to cut this man from your life) would be worth much pain and risk! Luckily you can get rid of him without need of knife.

Rules for the future:
-Jokes should be funny (to BOTH of you). They should not be aimed at hurting.

-You are allowed to talk to your partner about how they have hurt your feelings.

I wouldn't pass comment on his penis...that's reducing yourself to his level of stupid comments. I'd just leave him.
Although, I must admit, as a descriptive term for female genitalia, it does make me laugh. It's a pretty good description. But it's a pretty good description of what is perfectly normal!

Found an article.

www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/vagina-normal-pelvic-floor-physio_ca_5cf010fce4b0e346ce7ab869?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAACgUoxJ4ERwvkS8KLxpALh_eXuVQvUd0smy4HJSRpPRYZpuukw0ZlRB8GpjBfRK-JESzNTu5lVn1rieR8zxAO1EtDgiOLNsEHArBRUGOd7hw53y_-t0QZiRHvmwLeSOMJSh4TZt3aogkMs_aVZwVmNuNjEOjyZ3YgFLR4y93Hk-4

He should watch more porn to see the variety of shapes and sizes of our kebabs. All normal.

AWFUL. It’s not you - it’s him - really.

Every woman (and man) is different and to say such things to your partner is completely out of line.

Please get rid of him, you will feel so much better.

It's an awful term yes - but it's a generic one? As in it's no different than hairy axe wound, bacon rose etc - when used it's not meant to describe what YOUR fifi looks like, it's just a jokey word for it.

I would never take that personally tbh, much like if I had referred to him playing the skin flute I wouldn't expect him to interpret that as it actually looking like a skin flute??

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder; I'd say that your partner has very ugly eyes.

How dare he be so childishly rude - and deliberately mean to someone he is supposed to love and cherish.

@Rumbletumbleinmytummy that picture !

OP you could 'lovingly' refer to him as the little-mole-rat from here on.

obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2004.00517.x
Interesting study.

@Juno231

It's an awful term yes - but it's a generic one? As in it's no different than hairy axe wound, bacon rose etc - when used it's not meant to describe what YOUR fifi looks like, it's just a jokey word for it.

I would never take that personally tbh, much like if I had referred to him playing the skin flute I wouldn't expect him to interpret that as it actually looking like a skin flute??

Hairy axe wound? That's just as fucking horrible. Joking does not automatically have to be misogynistic - although there does seem to be a link. I wonder why that is?

It's not you, it's him. There is nothing wrong with you. Your self esteem will start to rise as soon as you send yourself the (true) message that you are worth more than this, by dumping him. Doing it with a side of humiliation for him would be just a bonus.

The only surgery you need is a bastard-ectomy! Get rid of this crude, sexist man.

Good lord
How fucking rude
My dh treats me with respect, he would not even think such a thing And if he dared to say such a degrading thing to my face ,he Would not be my dh for long .,and he would 100% not be seeing me without clothes on ever again
Nasty ,very nasty ,and no respect to say that

Just to give yourself more confidence op ,I suggest you try to find the film about 100 vaginas ,I’ve watched it and it gave me so much more confidence, not that I was lacking ,but ,I don’t know I just felt good about mine ,it felt normal ..watch it if you can find it

I can understand how you feel, when I first met my childs father a few years ago he asked my if I had had children because of the way it felt. It ruined my confidence for years and in the end while having an examination I asked the doctor and told her why. She just laughed and shook her head saying everything was as it should be. The years I spent tensed up and not able to relax you wouldn't believe. And all for some brainless moron who was rubbish in bed anyway!. Honestly the hurtful things we take to heart are not worth the time of day. I bet your fanny is top notch.

Get rid asap

@Juno231

It's an awful term yes - but it's a generic one? As in it's no different than hairy axe wound, bacon rose etc - when used it's not meant to describe what YOUR fifi looks like, it's just a jokey word for it.

I would never take that personally tbh, much like if I had referred to him playing the skin flute I wouldn't expect him to interpret that as it actually looking like a skin flute??

Jesus Christ, what the actual fuck would a “skin flute” look like? You have some really awful expressions in your vocabulary. (Though “fifi” may we’ll be the worst”)

How revolting is he, get rid, don’t understand why he would even think to come out with a disgusting remark like that, I’d get rid

Look, he's meant to be your partner. He's meant to love you, care for you, make you feel good, respect you.

He's doing the opposite.

He doesn't deserve you.

I'd get rid of him. I'd rather be single my entire life than be with a creep like that. Time to get angry with him!

Genitals come in all kinds of shapes and sizes which are absolutely normal and nothing at all to be judged for. He is just a horrible, immature man who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Absolutly over time i've seen my fair share and none of them I would have said that they needed anything altering!!

He sounds very immature.
I would dump him and walk away with your head held high.
Don’t waste any more of your life on him.

Sounds like negging. Gross male behaviour. Who's got time for that, eh. He is doing you a favour by showing you his character.