Step son allergic to cat

[CatNappers]

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

It isn't worth the risk

Nobody is trying to disrespect what you're saying, I'm sure it was awful for your son, but this really is a matter of opinion. Mild allergies are incredibly common. Severe allergic reactions aren't.

Cat allergies are miserable and can get worse over time (I know by experience). Cat dander will be all over the house. Poor SS

But if he was allergic to cats, he would surely experience the reaction elsewhere in the house other than in his bedroom, as the cats will be in other rooms in the house as well as in the bedroom. But he isn't experiencing that, only in his bedroom.

It's possible to be allergic to other things and not to cats.

Why are some of you so determined to blame this on the cats? The DSS needs to be tested for allergies; if he is allergic the cats should be rehomed. But they need to find out either way.

@Ineedflour The DSS is the one who encourages the cats to come into his bed!

They don't know it's the cat! I swear some people see the word 'cat' in a thread title and lose the ability to think like a rational human being.

I think some people would only be happy if OP immediately put the cat in a bag with a brick and chucked it in a river the first time DSS sneezed!

My pets predate my DH and DSD so it is a different situation, but I would not even consider rehoming them if either of them developed mild reactions after direct contact. Also same goes if it was me that developed a mild allergy.

OP just tell your DH, ok get the plans together for the shed and we’ll go from there. Sounds like he never will so nothing lost.

I think blaming allergies on pets is the easy option for some people.

I went to my GP about my hayfever a few years ago and she tried to say it was more likely a cat allergy. It definitely isn't, I only get it from March to September, when the cat is outside more often. When he's indoors all the time in winter I'm fine.

I think some people would only be happy if OP immediately put the cat in a bag with a brick and chucked it in a river the first time DSS sneezed!

Please don't give them ideas! 🤣

Your DH and SS need to take more responsibility OP! It's not like the boy is a baby...he's 11! He knows what he's doing and can try to stop it if he wants to by keeping the cat out and closing the door...it sounds like he's just being stubborn! And it seems like he gets it from his father, who apparently is unwilling to try something so simple as to close a bloody door 🤦‍♀️

It's not a massive reaction by the sound of it...let his nose run! Tell him if it's that bad, close the door, but the cats are staying!

I love cats, always have. But they make me sick. Their dander gets everywhere, even in homes where you keep the doors closed and the cat out.

The posters who claim their cats are more important than OP's allergies remind me of how my own mother dismissed my suffering. Nights were bad because the dander settles in your lungs and you aren't active and able to filter it as easily (same reason why recovering COVID patients are told to get up and move to clear their lungs). As an adult, I find what she did awfully selfish.

Being exposed to this my whole childhood made my lungs worse and now in middle age, I suffer more from respiratory illnesses than other people. It's not just "a bit of sniffles."

Posters should remember this is a child and his health is the responsibility of the adults in his life. There seems to be some real cognitive dissonance going on with the "oh no! Cat haters!" posts. Allergy sufferers do not hate cats, they hate when people dismiss them for being sick from cats. I would hope all parents love their children more than their pets.

I have empathy for the OP that it's fallen on her shoulders, but please, from a former child whose allergies were dismissed, please don't do that to this boy. And remember, even after you rehome your pet, the allergens will be in the air, carpet, boxes, and walls, drapes, etc. for years. A massive cleaning will help immensely.

I love my cats so much there is no way I would rehome for a minor allergy. In fact I would move out elsewhere myself with cats first.

@Delphinium20 But the DSS here is choosing to have the cats on his bed, even under the covers. He sneaks them into his room. So this isn't a case of 'poor DSS'. It doesn't even sound as if it's the cats that are the cause of this, as he has this allergy at his mum's place as well.

They need to work out what he's actually allergic to.

[quote Mittens030869]@Delphinium20 But the DSS here is choosing to have the cats on his bed, even under the covers. He sneaks them into his room. So this isn't a case of 'poor DSS'. It doesn't even sound as if it's the cats that are the cause of this, as he has this allergy at his mum's place as well.

They need to work out what he's actually allergic to.[/quote]
You can have lingering symptoms days after when you are not in a home with cats - especially if the boy is bringing clothes/jackets, etc. between homes that would bring the dander. So the fact he has symptoms at his mom's also doesn't rule out an allergy.

Yes, the boy loves the cat (as I loved mine and slept with him), but the parents (esp DH) need to set some rules about it - for his own good. Kind of like what parents do...which is why the OP is annoyed with her DH as he's not helping her parent.

I developed a mild allergy to cats when I was about 12. Similar to the OP’s DSS by the sound of things. Runny nose, itchy eyes. I adored my cat and would never have got rid of her.

I took antihistamines and my GP prescribed me a nasal spray, I think it was very low dose steroid.

I was largely fine. And after a couple of years my symptoms stopped, apparently growing out of the allergy is pretty common.

Currently have a cat lying next to me on my pillow

@aSofaNearYou

It isn't worth the risk

Nobody is trying to disrespect what you're saying, I'm sure it was awful for your son, but this really is a matter of opinion. Mild allergies are incredibly common. Severe allergic reactions aren't.

Exactly , I mean who in their right mind cares if a child is just mildly suffering but not in any real medical danger.

Let him suffer will build character!

Right?

Yes, OP should totally dump her pets immediately, so an 11 year old with possible mild allergy (who has no issues in the rest of the house) doesn't need to keep their bedroom door closed. Pets are totally disposable, after all.

*Exactly , I mean who in their right mind cares if a child is just mildly suffering but not in any real medical danger.

Let him suffer will build character!*

As many others have said, it would be a different matter if OPs DSS was distressed by it and would himself prefer they got rid of the cat so he didn't have to suffer the symptoms. But that's not how he feels. Plus I would say at his age he has actually done a massive disservice to the poor cat if they were to rehome it for his sake without him having at least tried to manage the situation by closing his door, if he really is suffering.

Like I said before, there were a lot of mild allergies in my house growing up. When your whole family has hayfever so are basically just allergic to the outside world for half the year, you do learn to manage and accept it as part of your life. My sister was allergic to our family cats, and has just sent me a load of photos of her snuggling another cat (by choice 😱). I'm not saying I don't "care" that a child is only mildly suffering, but I don't think I'm saying anything shocking by saying many people can and do choose to cope with mild allergies, and choose to keep interacting with the thing that sets them off because the symptoms to not outweigh the reward.

But the allergy is happening only in the bedroom not elsewhere in the house, which would surely not be the case if he was allergic to cats, as the cats do roam around elsewhere in the house. (My DH is allergic to dogs, so I do know this.)

I think there's probably something else that the DSS is allergic to in the bedroom, and probably in his bedroom at his mum's. I've seen my DH have a really bad allergy to something in bedrooms when we've been away. For example, is he allergic to feather pillows? My DB is and has to make sure he doesn't sleep with one. Or dust mites. (I wouldn't have known this if I hadn't married my DH, as it makes no difference to me what I place my head on.)

My DH thought he was allergic to cats, but when we got together and I had a cat, he found that he wasn't.

Imagine how the young boy would feel if his beloved cats were rehomed and it turned out that he still had those symptoms? If it was my DD1 (11), she would take a long time to get over it.

Having said all that, if this was DD1, we would be telling her not to have the cats in her bedroom. We would say that we wouldn't keep the cats if he didn't cooperate. Then if the symptoms in the bedroom continued without the cats there, we would try something else.

The DSS's dad needs to step up and be a dad.

Rehouse. My husband lived with severe allergies to his family pets until he moved out in his 20s. It affected every aspect of his life including his achievement at school. He spent his entire teens in his bedroom to avoid the cat hair and isolated from his family. It's not worth the illness and resentment. Health comes first.

But the allergy is happening only in the bedroom not elsewhere in the house, which would surely not be the case if he was allergic to cats, as the cats do roam around elsewhere in the house.

allergies/breathing issues tend to be worse when lying down.
and cats are differnt to dogs as they groom themselves with their tongue/saliva. the minuscules particles from that are highly allergenic and float about in the air throughout the home. no amount of door closing will eliminate them.

I dont understand why this is even a question. A child of your family is getting sick because of something that is in your home
Why are you not eliminating this? Hovering dusting etc won't do much. I say this as someone who have a similar cat allergy to your ds. I can go to peoples houses if they have cats however i learned to never go to an exercise class after as that has a massive effect and it looks bad if you are gasping for air having to stop a class.

Op its way more than the cats here its remembering thia is your stepson home and he needs to be safe. Keep him safe.

I'd tell DH that they would be revoked before the cat.

Also I know someone who did rehome their very very loved cat because of a child's allergy.

And then it turned out he wasn't allergic to the cat but to the shake and Vac.

@AskingforaBaskin

I'd tell DH that they would be revoked before the cat.

Also I know someone who did rehome their very very loved cat because of a child's allergy.

And then it turned out he wasn't allergic to the cat but to the shake and Vac.

FFS not revoked rehomed

But why are you assuming that it has to be the cat and not anything else? Why not admit that there are other things that cause allergies? I'm not saying it isn't, but there are other things that cause allergy reactions in bedrooms, like feather pillows in my DH's case, which you conveniently refused to consider. It just sounds like a concentrated allergy in one particular room, which I've seen my DH experience.

This allergy conveniently disappears in the rest of the house and then strangely reappears in his mum's house where seemingly there aren't any cats.

They should at least do some detective work before rehoming DSS's beloved cats. It really will upset him if he still has an allergy to something.

Why the vested interest in it being an allergy to cats to the exclusion of all other possibilities? My DH thought he was allergic to cats, and was unsure about mine. I wouldn't have wanted to live a life without cats, so if he hadn't given it a go, we wouldn't be together 18 years later.

It doesn't make any sense that his "cat allergy" only occurs in one room of the house. Why have you all jumped to the conclusion that it's the cats?