Step son allergic to cat

[CatNappers]

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

Non allergy sufferers don't realise just how grim it can be. It's not just "a sniffle and itchy eyes"

Almost everyone has said if the allergy is severe they would consider rehoming, and many of us are allergy sufferers, but the fact is many people do choose to have pets despite being allergic, because for many the symptoms are mild or manageable. This seems in line with OPs step son's behaviour because if it was really bothering him, he would just stop letting it in his room.

Under the circumstances described here I wouldn't even consider rehoming the cat. (I am allergic and have a cat.) Many things can help.

I would say it depends (a) how bad the allergy is and (b) how much time dss spends at your house.

We have cats, and some friends with cat allergies, and I'm amazed that some of them actively seek out the cats, pick them up and stroke them, and then say they are itching. Your dss seems to be behaving in a similar way by encouraging the cats to sleep on his bed. Can you shut the cats up in the kitchen before everyone goes to bed, so it doesn't matter if he leaves his bedroom door open?

@minimike

It is difficult to believe that adults are still trying to justify harming a child. Or are victim blaming by saying it's the boys fault somehow. There must be some sort of order or supervision of the children if there has been a separation. They would not like it and steps would be taken against the custody (or whatever). Get rid of the cats. Get the house professionally cleaned, rugs soft furnishings etc PROOVE to the child you care.

No one is justifying harming a child FFS! They don't even know he's allergic to the cats! I would be telling 'D'H that the cats won't be going anywhere until his son has had an allergy test.

CatNappers - you've had a really hard time here.

I had cat allergies as a child, very similar to your SS. Only direct exposure caused any issues, and when I ahem got a cat I took antihistamine every day and after a few weeks of constant exposure I didn't need to take them any more, and have been fine ever since.

This is very different to my friends allergy - just being in the same house makes her feel awful and it impacts her breathing. If it was that kind of allergy, that's different. But it clearly isn't the case.

I agree you need to exhaust every other possibility first, and I'd get rid of the husband before I got rid of my cats! :D

[quote ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble]@FlySheMust DSS doesn't have asthma. He also has similar reactions at his mum's.
[/quote]
That's how all asthmatics start. Mild reactions to begin with. I wouldn't take the risk with my son's health for a cat.

That's how all asthmatics start. Mild reactions to begin with. I wouldn't take the risk with my son's health for a cat.

They don't know it's the cat! I swear some people see the word 'cat' in a thread title and lose the ability to think like a rational human being.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

That's how all asthmatics start. Mild reactions to begin with. I wouldn't take the risk with my son's health for a cat.

They don't know it's the cat! I swear some people see the word 'cat' in a thread title and lose the ability to think like a rational human being.

Exactly! I'd be telling the husband, take SS to the Doctor and confirm that it is actually the cats and then we can discuss a solution, until then shut up about the cats!! If he's that concerned about his son he would have brought him ages ago

Hi OP. Ready yourself for a long answer, but it's going to be a good one. From someone who's allergic to pretty much everything.

First: is the really allergic to the cat? I did not read everything, but if he's not been tested, it might be your DSS is allergic to something else. Maybe dust/pollen the the cat is carrying inside, or something in his bedroom. Can you check for mold/dust? Also see what his duvet and pillows are made of. Down feathers are prime ground for Acari and as such aren't recommended for allergy sufferers.

Ok, let's say it is the cat. I already saw some suggestions of anti-histamines, but I didn't see any for treatments. I finally got my allergy managed this year with nasal sprays. Some might say rehoming the cat is the easier option (and it is), but in my experience allergic people aren't allergic to just one thing. Take me: allergic to the three most common Acari in domestic households, one of which triggers a reaction on me 300x the normal amount, dogs, cats, mold. And I own both a dog and a cat. The spray that worked for me was Avamys (Fluticasone furoate). I went from 50+ sneezes every day to 1 or 2 with no runny nose and tears. Nasal sprays are also more effective and present fewer side effects than pills. It might be worth discussing it with a GP.

Then, if it doesn't work, I would consider rehoming. Please feel free to PM me if you want any more information (I know more than the average person due to both suffering from allergies and a science degree that includes Immunology, but I'm no expert).

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

That's how all asthmatics start. Mild reactions to begin with. I wouldn't take the risk with my son's health for a cat.

They don't know it's the cat! I swear some people see the word 'cat' in a thread title and lose the ability to think like a rational human being.

Of course it's the cat. Don't be silly. Desperate grasp at a straw there.

I also think it's the cat.
and I also think it's rather pathetic that the adults in that household are not protecting the child from the allergens.
sadly the cat needs to be rehomed to keep the child healthy.

Of course it's the cat. Don't be silly. Desperate grasp at a straw there.

You've been polishing your crystal ball then have you? The child hasn't had an allergy test and some random on the internet decides it's obviously the cat, despite him having symptoms at his Mum's, and I'm the silly one.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

Of course it's the cat. Don't be silly. Desperate grasp at a straw there.

You've been polishing your crystal ball then have you? The child hasn't had an allergy test and some random on the internet decides it's obviously the cat, despite him having symptoms at his Mum's, and I'm the silly one.

Yup, you are.

So are you saying the child doesn't need an allergy test @FlySheMust? What if the cat is rehomed and the allergy continues? I understand that you think you're far more knowledgeable and it's unlikely but what if?

Damn and I spent all that time doing allergy test, when I could have just asked randomers on MN to diagnose..

FlySheMust - honestly, you're coming across as a bit of an arse here

Op's DH needs to actually do some parenting, which includes allergy testing.
Then DH needs to work around the results, not OP

PinkSparklyPussyCat You are definitely not the silly one. Not that you need validation, but sometimes, it's nice to hear from a third party

Thank you @FredWinnie!

Everything OP has said points to cat allergy. I've seen it enough times. I've pointed out twice that my DS was very, very ill with a reaction to a cat and people seem to just dismiss it.

He nearly died. I hope the same doesn't happen to DSS here but it could happen. In this case I do know better than most how devastating a cat allergy can be. To see people witter on about possible cures or ways of controlling it seems ridiculous to me. The consultant said to keep him away from cats. He had the tests and, among other things, cats were the top allergy. They usually are.

I cannot understand why people think OP should take the risk. But maybe they haven't seen a child being resuscitated.

@FlySheMust then why does it only happen in his bedroom?

Why is he displaying symptoms when he's at his mum's?

My brother is severely allergic to cats. Shutting the door etc really do not help in his case. Cats spores will be all over the house already. It's so hard to get rid of.

When he moved into a new property, the previous owners had cats. He washed and repainted all the walls, shampooed the carpets and he still suffered.

I think you are going to have to rehome them unfortunately.

[quote ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble]@FlySheMust then why does it only happen in his bedroom?

Why is he displaying symptoms when he's at his mum's?[/quote]
He could be developing allergies to other things as well. OP and her DH know it's the cats causing the problem. Its fur and dander will rub off on the bedclothes and on his clothes.

Allergies really have to be taken seriously because they usually lead to asthma. And people die every day from asthma. It isn't worth the risk, it really isn't.

I have pet allergies and asthma. I had tests in my childhood so I knew what I was allergic to. We had dogs. When I moved away I got a dog. Then cats. I've always had animals. I would make his room a pet free zone and expect his dad to work with me to enforce it. No striking and then touching face. Daily antihistamine. Regular hoovering with a pet hoover. Wash bedding regularly. Air filter.

Is it worth speaking to his mum if DH won't take him to be tested?- say he's having X symptoms, DH thinks it may be the cat but SS says he gets the same at her house, where there is no cat, and offer to pay for allergy testing (as it sounds like if you were legally able to take him to be tested you would it's just DH wants to get rid of the cat rather than actually help his son)

Why all the posts about severe and anaphylactic allergies? OP's DSD does not have a severe allergy and he is not suffering. Of course that would be a totally different story. I have several friends who are allergic to cats and dogs, and they can sleep over at ours just fine, as long as they don't actually cuddle the pets.

@G5000

Why all the posts about severe and anaphylactic allergies? OP's DSD does not have a severe allergy and he is not suffering. Of course that would be a totally different story. I have several friends who are allergic to cats and dogs, and they can sleep over at ours just fine, as long as they don't actually cuddle the pets.

DS was ok with cats and just a bit sneezy until one day he wasn't.

It isn't worth the risk.