Step son allergic to cat

[CatNappers]

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

YANBU! I have a diagnosed allergy to cats but know that I build up a tolerance to ones I'm around. I have two cats and I'm pretty much fine now with them downstairs but I do not let them upstairs and in the bedrooms. This works very well for me. On occasion dp lets the cats in our room coz he's such a soft touch and I ALWAYS react much much worse. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to try. Should it not work then yes you need to look at other ways forward. Getting rid of the cat should be a final option when all else has been tried given its not a severe allergy

Why can’t the cat be shut downstairs at night?

I’m kind of with you; my DH is allergic to cats but we have 2 and it only plays up if they go on our bed so we don’t let them in the bedroom. I do think it’s worth trying and if it wasn’t causing breathing problems I’d do the same with my kids.

yabu
health goes before pets
living with allergies is miserable.

@MrsApplepants

Why can’t the cat be shut downstairs at night?

Our downstairs is open plan and so they can get upstairs onto the landing. They only come up there though to sleep on DSS' bed because they've been encouraged to since we got them.

Hold old is dss?

How old*

How old is stepson?

You haven’t actually said.

I wouldn’t rehome the cats either. There are various options such as piriton for SS, keeping the cats out of the bedroom and intense cleaning

Also try petal cleanse wipes. They are supposed to reduce dander

Both dh and dd are allergic to cats and they can trigger their asthma. We have a cat and this is what we do.

Dd loves the cat but understands she can’t have the cat in her room and can only stroke her every now and then.

She hasn’t had a reaction to our cat because of how we restrict her

He doesn't live with allergies and isn't miserable. It is literally only when he goes to bed. He is absolutely fine until then. If it was constant and he was miserable, I of course wouldn't hesitate. But right now it seems the obvious start of the allergies is when he gets in bed which is why I want to see if it helps it if we stop that from happening.

If it doesn't, it doesn't and I'd look at other ways forward whether that be the shed or rehoming.

He is 11.

Your Stepson can take allergy tablets for when he is at yours. Your Husband is acting rediculous and obviously not a cat lover. Pls don't get rid of your poor cats , it will cause so much suffering for them !

Can’t the kids switch rooms even just temporarily to see if other child suffers too

How old is stepson, is he old enough to understand about allergies? If he is, it’s foolish that he takes the cat into his bed.
What is said to him when he’s found to have done that?

He'll have a horrible time of it even if you keep them out of his room or not. I'd re home them. It's miserable to have an allergy like that

Have you posted about this before OP? I feel like I've read this thread before...

I'm allergic to cats. At 54 I'm of an age where allergies weren't understood and I had a miserable poorly childhood, living in a house with a cat, because of it.
I was back and forth to the Dr s, hospitals. Had every sort of cough medicine. Had my tonsils out, sinuses rinsed, adenoids out all when I was really young.
It was only when our cat died, we had a while without one and then got another that my parents and the GP finally made the connection. I was 11 by then. Even then my mother had a strop about having to rehome the new cat.
Rehome the cat.

You husband needs to get on board and support you and SS in taking steps to improve the situation. He can't just stamp his feet and demand rehoming when basic first steps haven't been even tried properly yet.

I would refuse to rehome them. How unfair.

I have a friend who has the same sort of reaction to cats so she takes an allergy pill whenever she comes to my house and she's absolutely fine. Start there and see if there's an improvement.

A bit of a runny nose?

I wouldn't be rehoming the cats.

Tell them door to his bedroom must be kept closed, cats out, and they have to pitch in on regular vacuuming. Your not rehoming your cats.

I had an ex who grew up in a home with pets, even though he was allergic.
His allergies grew worse and worse over the years, he is really, really resentful to his DP for keeping the pets when they saw how much he suffered.
It's even more delicate as a step mum, to be seen to choose a cat over a child's wellbeing.
I'd think hard about how you want this to play out long term.

They don't need rehoming. Pay for a decent air purifier and wash bedding regularly, all will be fine.

My step son is not back and forth to the dr's or hospital appointments, he is not asthmatic or wheezing. If it were making him seriously ill then I wouldn't even hesitate. I'm really not some uncaring, horrible step mum. I love the kids to pieces. But his allergy is not severe so I want to see if we can improve it first for him as it seems to only be triggered in his room.

Try everything first. Starting with keeping the bedroom door shut. An automatic closer is a good idea but cat tails could get trapped in the door, so perhaps not appropriate.

That’s a good idea a pp had about kids swapping rooms temporarily.

Perhaps you could rig up a temporary mesh door like a ceiling height stair gate at the top of the landing to keep them out of all bedrooms.

He literally gets them under the covers with him and cuddles them some times!

he's a twat then - at 11 he knows what he needs to do. He sounds as though he really doesn't want the cats to go. So you need to tell him: either he does what he's told or you will be losing your pets.

I have a cat allergy and i have cats. They are never allowed in the bedrooms full stop, and i have got better over time with the general allergy (but i have to remember to wash my hands a lot.