Step son allergic to cat

[CatNappers]

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

Unless he's been tested at an allergy clinic you don't really know that it's the cats. Could be something the cats are in contact with outside (pollen, feathers etc) & bringing into the home with them. Try giving them a wipe down with a damp towel when they come in. I have to do that with mine due to DS1's hay-fever.

Firstly may not be the cats. Need to be tested to be sure. Could be something cats are bringing in. Secondly, this happened to me overnight. I have three cats. Things that I have done that really helped: buy a heap filter and have it running in my room. Spray communal spaces with anti allergy spray, wipe cats down with an anti-allergy liquid ( forgotten what it’s called but can buy on amazon and suppresses dander) Keep cats out of room. No reason to rehome and plenty of folk manage their allergies perfectly well.

*hepa filter air prurifyer!

How old are the kids? Sorry if I missed it. Of they are old enough, discuss the situation with them. Make them aware that there is a chance the beloved cats may be rehomed if they can't keep the door shut. Kids policing each other is generally very effective IMO. Plus this way you and the kids will be on the same page about trying things to keep the cats. We have two dogs and I can't even imagine how traumatized my kids would be if we seriously discussed rehoming them.

Do you have a particular allergy spray for the communal areas you can recommend @Tadpolesandfroglets? Thank you.

How much does your SS live with you? If It's just a couple of nights a week then it's tough love time - at 11 he's old enough to get it - he shuts his door or does he want to be responsible for the whole family having to give up the cats??

(Why would MN delete a previous thread about kids and cat allergies??)

Lots of displacement activity, it seems to me. Why the fuck are you not furious with your useless, entitled, dp?

www.amazon.co.uk/AirCleanse-Spray-Dustmite-Pollen-Allergens/dp/B019IO93VA/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?hvlocphy=9046712&hvnetw=g&keywords=cat+allergen+spray&hvadid=259155431225&qid=1597649132&dchild=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoNfv4tqh6wIVBrDtCh08fgK-EAAYAiAAEgIVw_D_BwE&hydadcr=17968_1818073&hvdev=m&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-307538924601&adgrpid=54800182553&hvrand=264659153296810835&sr=8-3 We use this one!

And this air filter.... www.amazon.co.uk/Levoit-Purifiers-Filtration-Eliminator-LV-H132/dp/B071D58ZY5/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=air+purifiers+for+home&sprefix=air+pu&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1597649188&sr=8-3

And I think dander remover is called ‘Allerpet’ but brushing regularly (outside) will really help.

Allergies can get worse very quickly. I cannot understand why you are hesitating.

I told you my DS ended up in A&E very, very ill. Asthma kills.

How would you feel if it happened to DSS?

Please get rid of the cats for his sake.

Perfect. Will order. Thank you!

Allergies can get worse but conversely they can also just as quickly disappear. You can also live with mild allergies and manage them happily. Good luck OP!

I'm allergic to cats, it started off as a runny nose, itchy eyes. But it got progressively worse to the point my eyes would swell and shut, I'd itch all over, vomit and be really quite poorly. These symptoms changed over a period of 2 years, so whilst the allergy might only be slight now, it could get worse.

Plus, don't be fooled it's limited to the bedroom either. I can't even step foot in my brothers house as he has cats and my allergy flares up straight away. Medication doesn't work, even if I take it in advance. I can no longer hot desk at work in case someone who has a cat sits on my chair.

It really is a terrible allergy which often gets worse. I don't think you will ever be able to stop it if the cat remains at home sadly.

I developed an allergy to our cats smiliar age. I would never have dreamed of rehoming her. We kept her off my bed and washed her down with the allergy liquid also I took antihistamines when I needed to. That worked fine.

I am allergic to cats. If I am in a house with them, I sometimes sneeze and feel mildly like I have hayfever. I slept at my brother's on the futon his cats sleep on during the day and felt dreadful when I woke up. It was much worse sleeping with my head so close to lots of cat hair.

So I think your ideas are good! I am surprised people are saying you may kill your step son, given that you have said he isn't asthmatic. My friend loves cats and has 2 and he takes an antihistamine year round to control his allergy.

Hope you can get the door closed and cats out of the bedroom!

You are being perfectly reasonable. I got cats and then realised I was allergic to them. Similar to your DSS it a full on allergy but a runny nose and slight wheezy when around them. I stopped letting them in my room and it really helped. I also got an inhaler from the doctors which I use at night.

There is no way I would consider getting rid of my cats.

I think your DH wants rid of the cat and is using it as an excuse. All your suggestions are very reasonable. I would just tell your DH that under no circumstances are you getting rid of your cat until DSS tries closing his door at night and that would be the end of the conversation.

Also I think it’s shocking for your DH to teach a child that a pet is so disposable over a bit of a sniffle.

• it is NOT a full on allergy.

@FlySheMust DSS doesn't have asthma. He also has similar reactions at his mum's.

I’m not asthmatic, but l get severe asthma around cats. I’m severely allergic, but started off mildly like your step son. I’ve been hospitalised over it.

Sleeping on his bed isn’t the issue. The allergen molecules are very ‘sticky’ and can cling to walls and ceilings for 6 months.

When l bought my first house, the vendors had a cat, l was severely affected for the first 6 months of moving in. Non stop sneezing and wheezing. It only went when we ripped up the carpets.

Now l would never buy a house from someone who had a pet.

I actually know loads of people that have cats and are allergic to them (including my sister growing up), so I agree with you that it is an extreme reaction to get rid of the cat, assuming it's just a bit of itching and sneezing. Growing up, my sister kept her bedroom door shut, and we wouldn't let the cats on certain surfaces/blankets my sister used downstairs. It wasn't that hard to navigate tbh, she mainly just had flare ups when she chose to cuddle them. We both had hayfever and were used to regular allergy flare ups without considering it the end of the world.

Your DH also sounds like a bit of a lazy shit for pretending to be so bothered about DSS he would rehome a beloved animal, but making absolutely no attempts to control the pretty controllable situation in the meantime. YANBU OP, don't get rid of the cat, insist that DSS needs to start closing his bedroom door, and keep on top of the washing.

Shut the door, try an over the counter antihistamine. Are you sure it's the cat, this year hay fever has been particularly bad, plus I'm allergic to dp's bedding (sorted now, feathers are a no no for me). I get the symptoms you describe if I encounter feathers.

I grew up with cats right from birth. I went away to uni at 18 and came back allergic to them. Sneezing, and asthma attacks. Only seemed to react to one cat, but that was my cat and had always slept in my room.

My mum would put a thick double blanket over my single bed in case the cats crept in. She’d keep the door shut. Intensely hoover and I’d change the bedsheets when I went back and keep the door shut. This worked fine.

You need to lay down law - tell DSS he has to keep the door shut and the cat out of his room. No cats in his bedroom ever.

It is difficult to believe that adults are still trying to justify harming a child.

Or are victim blaming by saying it's the boys fault somehow.
There must be some sort of order or supervision of the children if there has been a separation. They would not like it and steps would be taken against the custody (or whatever).

Get rid of the cats.
Get the house professionally cleaned, rugs soft furnishings etc
PROOVE to the child you care.

@minimike it's not even a confirmed cat allergy yet !