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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Step son allergic to cat

383 replies

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:14

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

OP posts:
Dominicgoings · 16/08/2020 19:17

Are the cats allowed in any other parts of the house? How can you avoid contact if so?

HermioneWeasley · 16/08/2020 19:18

How serious is the allergy? Is he ill with it? Asthmatic?

Your house will be covered in cat hair so sleeping on his bed is a red herring - it will be all over all of you and the hair will get on him. If it’s more than a very mild sniffle than YABU and rather cruel.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:18

@Dominicgoings

Are the cats allowed in any other parts of the house? How can you avoid contact if so?
They are but tbh they are outside a lot of the day, they only really come in to sleep and they go straight to DSS' room to do that because they've been encouraged to since we had them! (By the kids).

They don't really bother with the other rooms and it's only when he's been in bed/his bedroom that he starts sneezing etc...

OP posts:
tinierclanger · 16/08/2020 19:20

Is it a bad reaction? What are the symptoms? It all depends, cat allergies can be very severe.

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 16/08/2020 19:20

Does ss live with you? How often is he there, can be not take an antihistamine?
I'm allergic to cats and dogs and you tend to build up a tolerance to your own.

FlySheMust · 16/08/2020 19:21

It really isn't a small issue. DS1 has had to be hospitalised after contact with a cat when he was little.

Asthma can kill. Please take the allergy seriously. The cats should go.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:21

It's not bad in the sense that he starts wheezing or is asthmatic or anything. He just gets a runny nose and his eyes itch a little.

I just want us to try closing the doors and see if it helps, that's the only time he ever seems to start with the nose and eyes when he's been in there.

OP posts:
Dmacka75 · 16/08/2020 19:21

As a sufferer of cat allergy, it's not pleasant!
What would you do if one of your kids developed an allergy?

FadedRed · 16/08/2020 19:21

An automatic closing device on DSS’s door?

ScorpioSphinxInACalicoDress · 16/08/2020 19:23

I am a cat lover and don't particularly like children.

That said, you really can't prioritise your cats over your step-son. What would you want doing with the cats if it was your own child?

It depends on the severity of the allergy and how you manage the cats around the house (You have to stop them going in the child's room not leave the responsibility to him etc) but ultimately if the situation can't be managed then I think your husband is right.

FlySheMust · 16/08/2020 19:23

That's how he is now. It will probably get worse. Closing the doors will make no difference if the cat is in the house he will be inhaling the dander.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 16/08/2020 19:23

@Dmacka75

As a sufferer of cat allergy, it's not pleasant! What would you do if one of your kids developed an allergy?
Try several things and expect the others to get on board with it and actually follow some simple rules before rehoming the family pets?
FelicityBeedle · 16/08/2020 19:23

I have a cat allergy to my old childhood cat, being in it’s general vicinity and interacting it makes me sneeze occasionally. Letting it sleep on the bed I’m using causes an awful reaction. Absolutely your DH and stepson need to start closing the bedroom door, your other suggestions are great.
Perhaps one of those Automatic chains to close the door if they’re still not to be trusted?

PlanDeRaccordement · 16/08/2020 19:24

Rehome the cats or make them outdoor cats with the heated shed shelter idea your DH had.
Humans are more important than pets.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:24

@Dmacka75

As a sufferer of cat allergy, it's not pleasant! What would you do if one of your kids developed an allergy?
I'd tell them to stop letting them sleep on their bed first!

I'm not saying I won't consider rehoming them at all, ever. But I feel like no one is helping themselves either. DSS will still happily let them sleep on his bed despite me saying until I'm blue in the face that he needs to stop doing that and remember to close his door so they can't get on the sheets.

He literally gets them under the covers with him and cuddles them some times!

OP posts:
tiredanddangerous · 16/08/2020 19:26

You are not being unreasonable. He needs to keep his bedroom door closed, carpets and soft furnishings need vacuuming every day and give him an antihistamine. He also needs to keep his hands away from his face if he's touched the cats.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/08/2020 19:28

Sorry but you are being massively unreasonable.

Allergy to cats is to do with the dander not the hair itself. The dander will be all over your house, regress of whether the cats go in those rooms.

Your stepson's health trumps the cats. You need to remove them. If not be prepared that your dh may tell you to leave with them

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:28

It depends on the severity of the allergy and how you manage the cats around the house (You have to stop them going in the child's room not leave the responsibility to him etc) but ultimately if the situation can't be managed then I think your husband is right

I'm really not leaving all the responsibility to DSS, I've said he will need to try and remember to close the door, I've asked DH to remind him when he gets them up too.

I've got them night lights so the door can be closed at night (which I then wake up in the morning and it's been opened again), I have suggested getting a sheet to cover the bed every day when he gets out, I've started washing the sheets more regularly.

DH does nothing. His immediate thing is 're home'. And literally refuses to try doing anything I've suggested.

I don't mind the shed idea, more than rehoming them. It's just if they can take to it.

OP posts:
IWouldLikeToKnow · 16/08/2020 19:29

I work in an allergy clinic and when children test positive to animals the family are advised to rehome the pet. I think you are being unreasonable not to do so.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:29

carpets and soft furnishings need vacuuming every day and give him an antihistamine

I am doing this too, hoovering daily, washing the pillow cases etc.. on the sofas all the time. He is fine until he goes in his bedroom.

OP posts:
Chloemol · 16/08/2020 19:30

Your dh needs to give them a chance as everyone else enjoys the cats. He needs to teach his son to close his bedroom door and keep the cat out

Until he does I would not be re homing them

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 16/08/2020 19:32

TBH if he loves the cats that much, he'll be heartbroken if they're rehomed due to his allergy and possibly feel really guilty too.

So, OP is actually right to try as many things as possible first, before rehoming for everyone's sake.

@CatNappers does he know you are having talks about rehoming and that it's a real possibility ?

Something like "X we know you really love the cats and live having them with you but they are making you poorly. If they keep getting in your bed they might make you even more poorly and it will be too dangerous to have them around."

Make sure they're not with him at night, even if you and your DH need to do several checks. Could the bedsheets be changed daily depending on how long he's staying? He can help with that.

Get both him and DH on board with keeping the cats out of his bedroom first. If no improvement the outside shelter might be an option.

nettytree · 16/08/2020 19:32

Have you tried the anti allergy food for cats. It's a bit pricey but it's worth a try.

Merryoldgoat · 16/08/2020 19:32

You are being ridiculous. Of course you need to rehome the cat.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:32

@Chloemol

Your dh needs to give them a chance as everyone else enjoys the cats. He needs to teach his son to close his bedroom door and keep the cat out

Until he does I would not be re homing them

The kids (none my own so it's not my own kids taking preference or anything) do love them, even DSS doesn't want them to go.

I think we should look into the shed thing, if they can take to it and be warm enough in the winter I don't mind that as they spend a lot of time outdoors anyway.

OP posts:
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