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Step son allergic to cat

383 replies

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:14

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

OP posts:
Bollss · 16/08/2020 20:46

I wouldn't get rid of the cat.

If dss can't even be arsed to close his bedroom door, it can't be that bad.

He should at least try other options first before rehoming.

Wolfiefan · 16/08/2020 20:46

Not all allergies are so bad.
If the child was suffering so badly I doubt the OP would leave that info out.

TintagliaBlue · 16/08/2020 20:47

I’m allergic to cats, I have nine. My youngest is probably allergic but hey ho. We both have anti histamines daily. We manage. I’m way more allergic than my youngest. I’ve lost my sense of smell. But we love our rescue cats, we wouldn’t be without him. I think it’s crazy to think about getting rid of them before you’ve tried the top sheet, extra washing, daily damp dust and hoovering.

BoggledBudgie · 16/08/2020 20:47

Snap Screens! They’ve been a godsend keeping cats out the bedrooms in my place!!

Aragog · 16/08/2020 20:47

Can you restrict the cats to the lower half of the house, and not have them upstairs at all?

Can DS take an allergy tablet when visiting for now until a solution can be sought? I know this is not ideal long term but DD does this when visiting friends and family with cats.

Barton10 · 16/08/2020 20:49

Does DSS know that if he doesn’t stop letting the cats on his bed and keeps forgetting to close the door then you will get rid of the cats? I would gently explain this to him but be firm that he needs to do what you are asking or you will have no choice.

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 16/08/2020 20:49

People are advocating rehoming because allergies get worse. They don't suddenly go away overnight.

My dd is allergic to certain types of dogs. Repeated exposure to them could cause an anaphylaxis reaction which could be fatal.

Rehome cats or potentially cause a fatal allergic reaction in step son....does that put things more into perspective @waitingforadulthood

FatCatThinCat · 16/08/2020 20:49

I have a cat allergy, it triggers my asthma. I still have 3 cats and volunteer at the local cat shelter. Meds help.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 16/08/2020 20:50

try an air purifier in his bedroom

Wolfiefan · 16/08/2020 20:50

They don’t necessarily get worse either @Tinyhumansurvivalist

Bollss · 16/08/2020 20:51

@Tinyhumansurvivalist

People are advocating rehoming because allergies get worse. They don't suddenly go away overnight.

My dd is allergic to certain types of dogs. Repeated exposure to them could cause an anaphylaxis reaction which could be fatal.

Rehome cats or potentially cause a fatal allergic reaction in step son....does that put things more into perspective @waitingforadulthood

They don't always get worse Hmm
Aquamarine1029 · 16/08/2020 20:52

Hold on... Has your stepson actually been diagnosed with a cat allergy? Has he had the testing done? Surely, that should be the first course of action. It could be something else entirely that he's sensitive to.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 16/08/2020 20:52

@waitingforadulthood

I just don't understand posters immediately saying re home the cats?! Mn is historically very anti rehoming - I've seen threads where dogs bite children a nd op is lambasted a cruel heartless bastard, told to go to behaviorist, vets, everything and anything before rehoming and should she rehome said pet, she should never ever get another pet as she's an irresponsible cock who isn't capable of ownership. Mn hopes she feels guilt forever.

In this case for an incredibly mild allergy, where basic cleanliness isn't u pheld, anti histamines don't appear to have been used, and these pets are encouraged to interact with the sufferer - suddenly mn is all for rehoming.

Op, don't rehome, not until all the other, sensible options are explored. If they don't work or the allergy gets worse, then look to rehome. But certainly not before

Because OP is a stepmum. Then all bets are off.
ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 16/08/2020 20:55

@heartsonacake
@cakeandchampagne

@BillywigSting

How about the poor,neglected,suffering 11 yo stops taking the cats into bed with him,under his blanket first?

How about his dad,if he's that worried, helps with reinforcing the rules and boundaries, checks the cat aren't in his bed, helps with the hoovering and washing etc?

minimike · 16/08/2020 20:55

You should be prosecuted on two counts.
For making your young child ill by deliberately keeping cats.
And for being so crazy not to understand what you are doing.

Wolfiefan · 16/08/2020 20:57

@TrustTheGeneGenie they don’t. Not for everyone. This child is suffering so badly he cuddles the cat in his bed. Confused

Bollss · 16/08/2020 20:58

@minimike

You should be prosecuted on two counts. For making your young child ill by deliberately keeping cats. And for being so crazy not to understand what you are doing.
Oh for god sake. He should be prosecuted for making himself deliberately Ill in that case then eh.
waitingforadulthood · 16/08/2020 20:59

@Tinyhumansurvivalist of course in your instance and example completely.

However your experience is anecdoctal. And as this thread reflects there are as many anecdotal examples where that isn't the case (including, crucially, the ops example, to whom we are all responding)

The fact of the matter is allergies manifest and develop I many and different ways. For the op to assume worse case scenario despite her witnessing almost best case scenario , where allergy is concerned anyway- best case is no allergy really - would be ridiculous. Before re homing it is right to explore the other option. . It is wrong to re home before exploring the other options (options that work for many as evidenced here)

Hoggleludo · 16/08/2020 20:59

@Tinyhumansurvivalist

People are advocating rehoming because allergies get worse. They don't suddenly go away overnight.

My dd is allergic to certain types of dogs. Repeated exposure to them could cause an anaphylaxis reaction which could be fatal.

Rehome cats or potentially cause a fatal allergic reaction in step son....does that put things more into perspective @waitingforadulthood

Thank you!
MaybeDoctor · 16/08/2020 20:59

So an 11 year old is supposed to take antihistamines on an ongoing basis every time he has contact with his father?

They are a widely available over-the-counter medicine but they do have side effects - a quick google shows that drowsiness is common and that irritability/nervousness is also a known side effect, especially in children.

This isn't the same as taking them as a one-off after a bout of nettle rash or for a few weeks during hayfever season.

AnaadiNitya · 16/08/2020 21:00

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Bouledeneige · 16/08/2020 21:04

I hate cats. I'm allergic to them. Its a miserable allergy and it affects me after an hour or two of being in a cat house. It has nothing to do with sleeping in the room with them - its a house thing. I personally would never put my kid through living with the allergy.

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 16/08/2020 21:09

@minimike he's 11!

He takes the cats in his bed,under his covers all by himself!

He is fine during the day/around the house.

It's really bad in his bedroom. Coincidence?

Abouttimemum · 16/08/2020 21:09

At age 11 I shared a car with two dogs on the way home from a holiday, I had a severe asthma attack And almost died. That was the first time there was any sign of any issues. I largely grew out of the asthma in my 20s but the allergies remain.

This week we looked after FIL dog for a few days as he has been in hospital. Dog was in the kitchen behind a baby gate, with access to the large rear garden all day. Despite having no contact with him I can barely breathe today, my eyes are puffy and skin is lifting. Animals leave their hairs and scent everywhere. I don’t even have to be in the Same room as them. It’s truly awful.

It’s not the animals’ fault so I don’t blame them when I’m ill obviously, but I’d be absolutely livid if someone who was supposed to love me put my health at risk just because they wanted a pet.

spinningaround72 · 16/08/2020 21:10

I think you should try to keep the door closed etc. Is there anything he can take for allergies?

I love cats so much I'd be rehoming the step son to the shed 🙈