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Step son allergic to cat

383 replies

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 19:14

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

OP posts:
RuudGullitOnAShed · 16/08/2020 20:10

Have you tried an air filter? My sister has a mild reaction to one of my cats (of course, the one who loves her most)
We bought an air purifier and if she is staying it is on in her bedroom all day and she has been fine.

chocolatespiders · 16/08/2020 20:10

My daughter has a similar allergy so I will link some of the stuff we find helpful.
I know you mention it but try and keep cat out of his room.
Antihistamine tablet
Petal cleanse on cats coat.
Air cleanse from amazon
De humidifier
I find this to be excellent and only use it once a month spray on carpets and hoover hour later.

www.amazon.co.uk/Allersearch-ADMS-Anti-Allergen-Spray-oz/dp/B0010DLYR4/ref=mp_s_a_1_16?dchild=1&keywords=Cat+allergy&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1597604850&sr=8-16

I also feed cats grain free food as that is meant to lower the amount of dander. Purina also have a new food out called live clear which reduces the allergy.

I didn't realise you can develop an allergy after some time.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 20:11

I'm not sure what his mother thinks or if she even knows. It's not something that is affecting him massively during his day to day life.

We asked what he's like at his mum's and he said he gets the same thing there but not as bad (he has hayfever and he's bad outdoors when the pollen count is high or if it's particularly dusty, I have the same and it can set us both off a little if I hoover/dust in the same room for example).

OP posts:
MaskingForIt · 16/08/2020 20:12

OP, get an auto-closing mechanism for DSS’s door.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 20:12

I'll look into the auto closing. Thank you.

OP posts:
CatNappers · 16/08/2020 20:14

@chocolatespiders

My daughter has a similar allergy so I will link some of the stuff we find helpful. I know you mention it but try and keep cat out of his room. Antihistamine tablet Petal cleanse on cats coat. Air cleanse from amazon De humidifier I find this to be excellent and only use it once a month spray on carpets and hoover hour later.

]]

I also feed cats grain free food as that is meant to lower the amount of dander. Purina also have a new food out called live clear which reduces the allergy.

I didn't realise you can develop an allergy after some time.

Thanks so much for this I'll take a look.

It seems so, we've had the cats for years now.

OP posts:
Purpleartichoke · 16/08/2020 20:14

The cat needs to be rehomed. Leaving the bedroom door closed at all
Times will just make the room stuffy and unpleasant.

CatNappers · 16/08/2020 20:15

just make the room stuffy and unpleasant

I always close my bedroom door and just have the window open, never find it stuffy or unpleasant Confused

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 16/08/2020 20:16

I don't think you are being unreasonable, if his allergy starts when he's in bed is it possible he actually has dust mites, bed bugs, or an allergy to his pillow?
Also, brush your cats every day and finish with a wipe over with a damp cloth.

Sunflowerlover20 · 16/08/2020 20:17

How is his time split between you and his mums? Is it 50/50?

Also you just mentioned he does get some symptoms at his mums but not as bad so this isn’t a issue just at yours?

CausingChaos2 · 16/08/2020 20:18

You just sound like a cat hater purple what rubbish!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/08/2020 20:18

Yes at 11yo he is old enough to take some responsibility to close his door and not cuddle the cats in his bed Shock
He is agggrevating himself and creating a lot more work for you with the extra washing of his bedding .

Try the Petal cleanse on the cats
Explain to him that his actions are aggrevating the condition and it may result in the beloved cats being re homed .

I'm quite glad our two cats aren't that cuddly . They will sleep on beds but only share with DD .

My DD was very allergic to 2 of our guinea-pigs (out of 8 guineas) I offered to swap one on mine for the allergenic ones but she refused . They wouldn't have been re homed it's just that I would've cuddled those ones .
Worse when they sat near her neck which of course they like to do .
Luckily she has no issues with cat fur .

Banish the cats from his room.
Telll him not to cuddle them in bed
Can you wash his duvet/pillows in a high temp wash?

One of those air filters that trap really fine pollen and dust particles .

Some people wash cats . I am rather too fond of the skin on my hands .

ChateauMargaux · 16/08/2020 20:19

If he also has hayfever and reacts to dust, and you do as well... I would definitely be removing all possible sources of reaction to reduce the load on his body.. and yours!!!

AgeLikeWine · 16/08/2020 20:19

I’m allergic to both cats (literally) and children (metaphorically). I have every sympathy with DSS. Allergies can be minimised and dismissed by those who don’t suffer from them.

Even I think re-homing the cats before establishing whether the problem can be successfully managed by separating cats & child is hasty. Obviously the cats must be kept out of his room at all times. Could their access to the house be restricted to the kitchen only? If the rest of the house could be a cat-free zone, that could be a reasonable compromise.

NellGwynsPenguin · 16/08/2020 20:19

Rehome the cat.
Allergies can kill.

sixlemons · 16/08/2020 20:19

I'd be telling your DH that either HE REMEMBERS TO SHUT THE SODDING BEDROOM DOOR EVERY TIME or you will be rehoming him instead of the cats.

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 16/08/2020 20:20

The shed sounds a good idea.
Dh can pop out and kiss dss goodnight!!
Seriously if it was a food allergy at 11 dss would be expected to attempt to manage it.
Anti histamines. Hand washing after touching dcats. Door closed at night.
If dss doesn't like pills maybe he will make more effort to be responsible..

UntamedWisteria · 16/08/2020 20:20

I'm allergic to cats.

If I'm even in the presence of one for more than 20 minutes I start to sneeze, my eyes itch, and my asthma is triggered.

But I'm an adult & can cope.

I think it would be kind to a 2 year old who visits often to regime the cats.

UntamedWisteria · 16/08/2020 20:20

rehome

Feralkidsatthecampsite · 16/08/2020 20:21

The dss is 11.
Amount of dcats is 2.

BunniesLoveBananas · 16/08/2020 20:21

YANBU

Not sure why people are immediately saying you need to rehome the cat.

I agree you have a commitment to that cat and should try to make it work before resorting to rehoming. This means ensuring the cat doesn't go into his bedroom and see if this helps, to start off with.

You say it's worse in his bedroom so maybe it is a mild allergy and only when he lies down on the bed cat has been on that it affects him.

Perhaps you could agree with DH that you will try certain things eg keeping cat out of bedroom (which he will have to go along with too)

AnneElliott · 16/08/2020 20:22

I agree with you op - I was told I'm allergic to cats and the Dr immeaditley thought I'd just give them away Hmm.

They're part of my family so that wasn't happening. I agree they need to be out of the bedroom and sofas hoovered etc. Very odd to want to get rid of them without trying closing doors first.

VanillaSpiceCandle · 16/08/2020 20:26

He’s old enough to take some responsibility for himself and close his bedroom door, vacuum his own bedroom, wash his hands after touching the car and take some antihistamines.

It’s completely unfair to rehome loved pets when it’s so mild. Also people tend to get used to their own pets. I’m allergic to dogs but my parents got a dog and at first it was bad, I got used to her. I have dogs as an adult and again it was difficult at first but now it’s fine.

MaybeDoctor · 16/08/2020 20:27

I think it is quite different for an adult to choose to have pets and live with allergies to knowingly putting a child in that situation. Let alone suggesting that he should take medication because of it Hmm.

His reaction is mild at the moment, but it may not always stay that way.

I've had quite a lot of problems with hives/allergic reactions recently - repeated bouts of bright red hives all over my face. Although I have had mild hay fever and other allergies, this particular reaction had never happened to me before. The impact on me was disturbed sleep, discomfort, altered appearance, wanting to scratch my face off...or taking high doses of antihistamines and feeling doped out. In the end the doctor gave me a 30 day course of steroids and it has still come back once afterwards. Not ideal!

Hoggleludo · 16/08/2020 20:28

I would move out

I’ve got allergies. I tell you it’s not pleasant at all

There is no way I would be in a house with something I’m allergic too. The itching eyes. At night. Not sleeping

Oh. I couldn’t bare it

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