Step son allergic to cat

[CatNappers]

DSS has developed an allergy to our cats (2). It's only a recent thing in the last year, he never seemed to have a problem before.

DH is determined that we are rehoming them. I don't want to.

His argument is that his son is suffering and he's not having it. Which I understand, however, my argument is that DSS is always letting them sleep on his bed!

I've said time and time again we need to keep the bedroom door closed. I've gone to buy night lights so we can close the door at night, I've said I'll wash the sheets more regularly (just do them after normal amount of time atm) and was going to go this weekend to buy a 'top sheet' which we could put over each morning and take off each night to keep the sheets underneath fresh.

However, neither DH or DSS ever remember to close the bedroom door and so every day when I go past after they've got up or DSS has been in his room, the cat goes on the bed and then DSS suffers.

I don't know what to do. It really doesn't sit right with me just getting rid of an animal we committed to having (and which I love and the kids do too) before we've actually made an effort to do something about it i.e. being vigilant with keeping the bedroom doors closed.

He's now suggested we get an insulated shed in the garden with a few cat beds, blankets etc... And see if the cats will sleep in there at night and not let them in the house anymore.

I don't want SS to be ill but at the same time I feel like no one is making any effort to help themselves and every suggestion I make is just shot down with 'we won't remember to do that' or 'it just won't work'. I feel like he just wants the easy way out which is to get rid of them.

I don't want to re-home them.

You can buy a lotion that you spray on a cloth and wipe over the cats which really helps.

If it got worse or didn't improve then I would consider it. I understand he comes first. I just want to see if there's anything we can do first. Not even just for me, DSS would be gutted too if they had to go!

Everyone demanding the cat gets rehomed, why can’t the OP and DH work together on other options first.

Such as what everyone has suggested such as a piriton and cleaning

If that doesn’t work, then rehoming is the only option. But they need to see if they can limit it first

It would seem obvious that you have to try and stop the cats going in the bedroom. Cats get used to sleeping and lounging in a regular place, but will find somewhere else in the house if you make an effort to change things.

I would re-home a Husband, and not any of my three cats !

Nothing would make me re-home my cats! Nothing!

My son is allergic to lots of things and if there is something that causes his problems, I see it in his mood and his energy levels as much if not more than in his symptoms. I wouldn't have his immune system under a constant low level of stress even if his symptoms were not bad. That stress will put pressure on his immune system.

CatNappers you ain't going to win this one. On mums net step mums must put up with anything.
Bio kid upsetting step kid? Get rid of bio kid 🤣.
If it's just a runny nose and only when he goes bed cause he let's cats in then needs to be a team effort to keep cats out.
I'd put a baby gate or something similar up

My sister developed a similar allergy to our cat when we were children.

Itchy eyes etc. Not severe.

The cat wasn’t allowed in her bedroom, and rarely upstairs. But she had free run downstairs. Rehoming here was never even considered as an option ( the cat that is!!).

@Darkestseasonofall did you ex hide the cats under his cover and slept with them all night despite being told not to?

My son has a cat a allergy but not a wheezy one; itchy eyes, sneezy etc. But cats have always adored him, he loves them too. If I’d got rid of ours he’d have been deeply upset, they’ve been a real comfort over the years (we’ve had a succession of cats). He’s 37 now and our two current cats are so happy when he visits and he strokes them into delirium but then quickly washes his hands!

If your DSS isn’t ill i.e. asthmatic, wheezy, then he’s fine. Try and stop him letting the cat sleep on his bed and encourage hand washing etc. Honestly, plenty of people have bad hay fever but find ways to cope.

He needs to take responsibility for his own health - he's 11, not 4. Even my daughter knows what milk she can and can't have in the fridge, and she's only 18 months old!

If he won't make the effort then I'd start saying to him that he's bringing it on himself and to stop moaning. My daughter also has a dust allergy (as well as others) and takes antihistamines daily.

If he doesn't care about feeling terrible and snotty, why should you be made to?

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Try this first!!!

There was a thread identical to this a few weeks ago. Mn deleted it.
Wonder is the same poster back again 🤔

At 11 he’s old enough to be sensible about the cats, and to know that he shouldn’t sleep with them. Have you told him that they will be sent away if he continues to behave stupidly?

I have a friend with a cat allergy. Pretty bad, he flares up within half an hour of being in my house (I have several cats). Always needs to take an antihistamine when he comes over. But he loves cats and has now got one of his own. He took antihistamines to begin with, but now seems to have built up a natural resistance.

My brother had a severe cat allergy which causes breathing problems. He is asthmatic.
My mum kept the cats. They were only allowed downstairs and not on the sofa. Their coats were treated with a product called petal cleanse which I think sticks down the sander so he didn't inhale it. They had all the downstairs carpets ripped up and replaced with laminate, got the most powerful hoover available and used it daily. My brother took and still takes medication for the asthma and allergies.
My brother is still alive and well (and living at home at 29). The cat is also still there, well one of them. The other two died of old age.

Personally I would try all of that stuff first before rehoming.

@IWouldLikeToKnow
What awful advice!
I have developed a cat allergy. We have two. They’re not going anywhere. I damp dust, keep them off my pillow and wash my hands after I’ve touched them. Groom them outside regularly. Hoover with a really good hoover.
Petal cleanse is the stuff that you wipe over the cat.
I use an inhaler and take a daily antihistamine. (Have other allergies too.)
No way would I get rid of my cats rather than shut the cats out of his room. Ridiculous.

As a sufferer of cat allergy, it's not pleasant!
What would you do if one of your kids developed an allergy?

I also developed an allergy to cats (at the time we had three). I decided that I loved them too mucho part with them, but that when they died, we couldn't get any more.. About 15 years later, they died.

We got two more.

I had grown to regard runny eyes and a constant sniffle and post-nasal drip as a small pice to pay for my lovely cats.

Rehome the cats. Step son comes above cats

This sounds mild. I find piriton works well for my pollen allergies and if your dss took allergy medication, this would probably be an easy fix. The only issue is that if he doesn’t take antihistamines regularly the effect will be lessened. You can always try doubling up just for the days he is with you (I was told I could take loratidine and piriton, one am, one pm, but I’m an adult) or ask his mum to let him take a dose the day before he comes.

I am allergic to cats, and had a miserable time all the way through childhood, because my family were half arsed about it.
Tbh it doesn't really matter much whether you keep them out of a bedroom if they go everywhere else.
The absolute worst was when they sat on a towel and I didn't know.
If that was my son I wouldn't be letting him go to a catty place I'm afraid and if I was your dH I would be looking to have all contact out of your house so I think YABU and not doing enough.

What’s his mother’s view ? I would n’t be surprised if she stops him coming around.

@LovingLola

There was a thread identical to this a few weeks ago. Mn deleted it. Wonder is the same poster back again 🤔

Really?! No it genuinely isn't. Happy for MNHQ to confirm.

To me YANBU and it's common sense to explore other options before re-homing the cats. I think do as you suggest and don't lets the cats upstairs or on his bed. Give the room a completely clean then see how he goes. Could you put an automatic closer on his door so the cats can't get in there?

Allergies to cats come and go so he may improve . You are right in saying that effort needs to be made to keep the bedroom door shut ! He also needs to make sure to wash his hands after stroking them and not touching his eyes. I can be that person at times . You could also give him a mild antihistamine if he is poorly with it .