My boss essentially warned me for racial insensitivity - aibu?

[Sakalibre]

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

If I had to sit through a presentation about systemic sexism with a load of male colleagues where women were labelled as victims I would also say something - and be pretty miffed if a man then told me I was wrong

That's what I was asking. How much emphasis was given to the word or concept of victim and how it was presented.

Somehow, the word victim does seem to be taken as an insult these days. When it shouldn't.
The insult should be to the perpetrators. It's sad that the only non-white in the room felt insulted, whereas everybody else didn't seem to object to being called racist in fact.

Someone said earlier:
*this likely has to do with the fact that you’re not actually Black so your perspective is not directly in line with the core purpose of BLM and Black people in general. You don’t get to speak for Black people.

The problem is that by you “speaking up”, your white colleagues will likely say, “Oh see, there’s a non-white person that doesn’t subscribe to that bullshit victim mentality they all keep going on about. I’ll just ignore the conversations around diversity then.” Which then sets the conversation back by a lot. Think about the larger structure of things instead of wanting to pipe up and set yourself apart from the “other brown people” which could likely be due to a subconscious seeking of approval from white people.*

This. I'm Asian and I know I need to stay in my lane when it comes to BLM. There is a hierarchy of racism.
I get really pissed off with people who have been lucky discrediting the efforts of anti racism campaigners.

BTW what was wrong with me saying where my grandparents were from? It was my way of pointing out I'm not white.

Your boss was an idiot and I can’t believe posters are essentially telling you to STFU too.

Obviously your lived experience as a brown woman doesn’t count as it’s not the right lived experience..

Maybe it came across like you were criticising your colleagues?

I agree with @cinammonbuns- I think that OP’s post was vague and I am trying to work out what was actually said and why her boss had stern words with her

Upon reflection, was that your main objection? That the focus was on the victims and not so much on those effectively supporting systemic racism?

@Sakalibre

BTW what was wrong with me saying where my grandparents were from? It was my way of pointing out I'm not white.

It’s a term used to discredit people. It’s not you - it’s them

The only correct andswer from your boss would have been
"Thank you for sharing your perspective, I'll give it some thought".

Wow that is awful. I too object to the idea of non-white people being constantly referred to and thought of as 'victims'. It is really telling that as the only brown person in the room, you were the one pulled up for 'wrong think.' To my mind this sums up everything that's wrong with the new version of 'antiracism'. It's all about getting everyone to think in the same racialised way, with certain people marked as victims and others as oppressors - and yet there is nothing to protect a person who is not white if they don't parrot the 'correct' way of thinking.

Sorry if I haven't expressed that very well, OP, but no, you are definitely not being unreasonable. Are you in a union? Do you have any more sympathetic managers? I would definitely be thinking about taking this further, as it does look like you are being singled out.

YABU, just go in, do your work, keep your opinions to yourself and keep your job.
Any excuse to get rid of people at the moment, choose a different hill to die on.

@areyoubeingserviced

I agree with *@cinammonbuns*- I think that OP’s post was vague and I am trying to work out what was actually said and why her boss had stern words with her

She’s repeated several times she said she didn’t identify as being a victim like the presentation said she was.

She, as a woman of colour, a non white person has every right to feel.

Keep standing up for yourself, you have every right to speak out against all the woke nonsense which seeks to convince the BAME Community they are oppressed and can only achieve in life if they get special treatment and a hand up. Complete bollocks, success has far more to do with social class than the colour of your skin. YANBU

What did he tell you off For? Was it "you shouldn't think that" or "you shouldn't criticise"? It's hard without knowing the context of the presentation - was it an internal thing that someone in the team had put together, or a formal training session etc... if it was something the company has paid a provider to produce, then I'd be feeding back to the Learning team afterwards to point out that the provider may not be the experts they claim to be...

Honestly, I think your options are either let it go, or escalate it - I doubt there's any point bringing it up with your boss again, he'll probably just get irritated.

Is there a mentoring scheme or any sort of diversity employee group at your company? They would probably be able to offer some support around how to address patronising and potentially discriminating behaviour better than those of us who don't know your company's culture.

Ironically, now you ARE a victim, because as the only non-white person in your team, you are now being singled out for not wanting to be labelled as a victim.

My head is spinning.

I mean, I guess you could raise your boss' intervention as an example of systemic racism in your organisation... try playing their game against them? You'd have a point, I think, if you did approach it that way. It does sound like you were singled out.

@Lweji

If I had to sit through a presentation about systemic sexism with a load of male colleagues where women were labelled as victims I would also say something - and be pretty miffed if a man then told me I was wrong

That's what I was asking. How much emphasis was given to the word or concept of victim and how it was presented.

Somehow, the word victim does seem to be taken as an insult these days. When it shouldn't.
The insult should be to the perpetrators. It's sad that the only non-white in the room felt insulted, whereas everybody else didn't seem to object to being called racist in fact.

It's not about it being an insult Labelling someone as a "victim" casts them in a passive role, simply done to. Have brown and black people not played an active role in resisting racism? Haven't women fought against patriarchy?

As someone else has said, the whole victim thing can strike a very paternalistic tone - "poor victims, but don't worry we have seen the error of our ways and are now going to save you!".

People don't object to the victim narrative because they think"the word victim is taken as an insult these days", but because that narrative is disempowering and unhelpful.

@Sakalibre look at the people who are agreeing with you on this thread. Most likely racists who are looking for any excuse to disregard the work they have to do. This is what your boss was trying to convey to you. You’re doing the racists’ work for them by being “the model minority”.

OP. You expressed an opinion on the presentation. Surely that's why they had it so that people could raise questions and discuss it.

What I do find concerning is that he called a one to one meeting for "a very stern telling off" he would't let you explain and extracted an apology.
I'd be asking HR if this meeting goes on a record somewhere as a verbal warning and if it will affect your prospects. If your boss won't let you explain what you mean maybe someone else will.
You are on a grad scheme. Is there someone who supervises that appart from your immediate boss you could talk to.

@cinammonbuns and @Lweji this always happens on MN regarding racism.

So, you didn't like being told that being non-white automatically made you a victim. Then your line manager victimised you until you apologised for thinking that you were actually alright and now you really are a victim. Nice circular logic there.

op I think your boss was probably being racist actually in the light of @HathorX comment

@Sakalibre and if you’ve never heard the term “model minority” please look it up and understand how it upholds systemic racism.

Just to clarify
You got told off f saying you weren't a victim?
You surely must have said something else?

If the only narrative about people of color/BAME is that they are victims, it's a way to perpetuate racism. It's using a stereotype. When used by white people it also reminds everyone (including white people) of how much power and cultural capital white people hold, rather than attempting to undermine that power and promote equity.

I'd want to know more about where the presentation was from. Who put it together etc. If it was a group of white people trying to (probably with good intent) explain the lived experiences of black people, that's very problematic.

If white people want to know how a person of color experiences the world they should do 2 things. 1. Sit the fuck down. 2. Shut the fuck up.

OP - what do you want to do about this, if anything? You know your situation best, so is it worth raising a complaint, or do you simply want some support from this thread before returning to work tomorrow?