My boss essentially warned me for racial insensitivity - aibu?

[Sakalibre]

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

@Sakalibre

Non-white people were explicitly labelled victims.

See this is what they didn’t like. You as a non white person have to be a victim so that they as white woke can come along and save you. The ultimate narcissism.

YANBU, but think you do sound a bit entitled by opening saying that you have BAME family members, are under 30 and the only female so have a 'unique' perspective. I especially don't see how the latter two are relevant

Her sex and age are extremely relevant here actually, I guarantee you that the boss wouldn’t have hauled a man in for a telling off, and i would be surprised if he would have asked an older women in for a telling off too.

OP:
Firstly don’t feel bad, right now you feel wrong footed and I don’t blame you because instead of using your experience of racism to further the discussion of why institutional racism needs addressing you have been told to pipe down, and you have been told to pipe down precisely because you are female, brown and young. Add in your female socialisation to this and now you are questioning if you were in the wrong after all.

YOU WERE NOT WRONG!

I know we talk about being strong women etc etc but actually it’s bloody hard to stand up for yourself (and always harder to stand up for yourself than it is to stand up for others). I think you should go to HR with this, and explain what happened, how it made you feel and why it was inappropriate. It’s about time all these businesses actually started being accountable for the sexist racist shit they are allowed to get away with.

@Moondust001 what on either are you talking about? ‘Being brown’ is not the same as ‘being black’ exactly the same way being black is not the same as being brown. I never said anything to imply that brown people didn’t experience racism. You completely made that up in your own head.

The talk was not specifically about BLM it was used to explain why systematic racism was being addressed.

how come youre the only brown person and woman in that company?
Sounds like THEY need to do more than just talk about it and maybe you need to accept that there is a reason that theres hardly any diversity in many companies, and thats not because of lack of talent

@Sakalibre ok thanks for clarifying. If you feel upset that the talk portrayed black/brown/ethnic minorities as victims then I would definitely bring that up with your boss. You do not need to apologise for having an opinion.

the whole BLM presentations taking place at work are not going to have impact if people can't have a constructive conversation around them. That's part of the reason racism has become so insidious in many ways

Totally agree. You’re entitled to an opinion OP and I agree you had a unique perspective in that situation based on what you’ve said. All your boss needed to do was thank you for your feedback.

Hi OP

Invalidating your personal experiences on things raised in the presentation, when you're the only one who has experienced it, is ridiculous.

I'm not sure what you can do about it though. What was said in the stern telling off? If it was that youd embarrassed him by pointing out some perceived criticism of s presentation he had written then maybe he feels like you should have raised it with him separately. If he is merely pissed off at you for having an opinion about being given a label you don't agree with then you could always get HR involved (as if you've already spoken to him I'm not sure doing so again will help) but it may well backfire.

You could always say he raised some great issues and you're pleased he started a debate and offer as the only BAME person to do your own presentation?

@Dreeple

Hammeringinmyhead: The guy being interviewed on telly whose wife bursts in chasing the escaped kids?

Yeah. It may have made more sense to well-paid Americans who may even employ a nanny.
Anyway, subsequent posts here have somewhat clarified the OP’s position.

Still don’t like her claim about being under thirty making her interesting or clever though!

I don't think she said she was interesting or clever - just that her perspective as a young, brown woman was unique in a room of middle aged white men. Which clearly it is

@JingsMahBucket thank you for being one of the only people on the thread who has a few brain cells to rub together it’s honestly like talking to a brick wall sometimes on here.

"Still don’t like her claim about being under thirty making her interesting or clever though!"

???

@cinammonbuns

What has where your grandparents were born have anything to do with anything?

Sigh...

That didn't take long, there.ahould be an award for this

OP is there anyone else you can talk to? A HR person? It’s not okay for your feelings and views to have been dismissed this way. Did anyone else in the room express any other opinions that related to yours?

[quote cinammonbuns]@Nikori. Where did I ever say that?
Can you read?
The OP was clearly saying they were taking about BLM.[/quote]
Yes, I can read very well.

The OP said that it was a presentation about systemic racism in relation to the BLM movement, not that it was explicitly about the BLM movement, but that it was about systemic racism.

@cinammonbuns

Also you have been way too vague for anyone to say whether you were wrong or not.

We must have read different OPs.

It was very clear.

@Lweji

Non-white people were explicitly labelled victims.

I don't quite get it.
By definition, the victims of racism are non-white people, as women are victims of sexism.

Is that the sort of blank statement you're objecting to?
Is it that the word victim seems to have acquired a somewhat pejorative meaning?

Did you mean to say you didn't experience racism?

Do you not think lots of women would object to an equality presentation that labelled women as victims?

It's pretty dismissive/belittling and ignores women's agency.

If I had to sit through a presentation about systemic sexism with a load of male colleagues where women were labelled as victims I would also say something - and be pretty miffed if a man then told me I was wrong.

But you are a victim of a racist society whether you like it or not.

BTW, OP, it's systemic racism (as in part of the system, also institutional) not systematic (as in done according to a fixed plan; methodical), although one could argue that it's both.

I don’t know why cinnamonbuns is so determined to derail this thread, but anyway,

We were shown a video clip where we were supposed to assume a Far-Eastern-looking woman was the nanny not the wife.
I am assumed to be my own children's nanny pretty much in every "middle-class" activity group we are attending. I am Eastern European, with a very thick accent, the children are native English speakers. I don't think that those assumptions are made with some inherent malice. It is just a stereotype which is probably true in many cases. It'd be really bizarre if some middle aged white man tried to shush me and insisted that I need to feel like a victim in these situations.

Lweji - of course, it is - whoops :)

I am a disabled brown woman. I hear it from men re being a woman, whites re being brown and able bodied re disability. Even my husband has an opinion. It's very draining. You are young, it will start to wear you down as you reach middle age in my and my friends experience.

How depressing for this to happen. OP you need to address this with your boss and maybe even their line manager. Who put the presentation together? Could you suggest you collaborate and help to reshape it?

Sorry hit post by mistake. I thought the OP was clear about her issue and I think she has a valid point. Racism isn’t about what white peoples think or feel. White peoples need to listen to the voices of those who are actually experiencing racism and really listen. I hope you can explain this to your boss and he can understand.