My boss essentially warned me for racial insensitivity - aibu?

[Sakalibre]

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin.

I follow a black women on FB who states exactly the same thing. I think, in light of the recent BLM movement, there is a certain group of people who are absolutely revelling in moral superiority by standing up for what they believe are the poor little oppressed ethnic minorities. They’re feeling ultra woke and cutting edge. And what you said challenges this belief they’ve got. It’s like saying “No, stay oppressed so us heroes can keep sticking up for you!” It’s insulting and patronising.

Can you explain what was send in the presentation that had the potential to be deemed offensive?

I would follow up with the manager. If you found the presentation offensive tell him you did. And why. Tell him that you felt he dismissed your concern and that is at odds with the objective of the diversity training.

@Dreeple

I just sleep through these things.

We were shown a video clip where we were supposed to assume a Far-Eastern-looking woman was the nanny not the wife.

A month later we got another worthy presentation containing the same video clip with the same surprise that she’s not the nanny. Yawn.

I don’t even know any nannies or anyone who has ever had a nanny.

I think all the Far Eastern women I know are wives of white Scottish men. Is that good or bad?

The guy being interviewed on telly whose wife bursts in chasing the escaped kids?

I never disputed the existence of systematic racism. I actually prefaced my point by saying that. I personally don't want to be referred to as a victim (which occurred in the presentation) based on one characteristic of mine.

This was the argument around BLM wasn’t it.? Where brown people were not entitled to comment on their personal experience as it was a time for black people to be heard. Didn’t Priti Patel come under fire for trying to give her own personal experience in the press? I suspect this is why your boss decided to talk to you about it but I’ve no idea if he had a right to. The whole diversity movement seems very colourist at times.

Also while obviously you have some experience of racism (I’m guessing that’s what the talk was about) because of being brown as you said, you cannot directly compare that to being black

Are you deliberately trying to be goady? Are you honestly saying that racism doesnt affect "brown" people as much as "black" people?

I think you are trying to be goady, based on your earlier comment about white people having grandparents born in India. Its true, but its not really whats being discussed here because by definition, WHITE PEOPLE ARE NOT NON-WHITE.

FFS.

I would urge people against using the term BAME. It’s hugely reductionist. Experiences of a windrush generation black man will be very different to a young Asian woman. We need to allow people to share these experiences openly.

Your boss was an idiot (frankly!) for telling you off. He would have been justified in saying that your experiences may not speak for every ‘non white’ person but silencing your thoughts is probably a nice blend of racism/misogyny/ageism/fear ... serious training own goal

@Sakalibre I agree with @justanotherneighinparadise that this likely has to do with the fact that you’re not actually Black so your perspective is not directly in line with the core purpose of BLM and Black people in general. You don’t get to speak for Black people.

The problem is that by you “speaking up”, your white colleagues will likely say, “Oh see, there’s a non-white person that doesn’t subscribe to that bullshit victim mentality they all keep going on about. I’ll just ignore the conversations around diversity then.” Which then sets the conversation back by a lot. Think about the larger structure of things instead of wanting to pipe up and set yourself apart from the “other brown people” which could likely be due to a subconscious seeking of approval from white people.

@Nikori. Where did I ever say that?
Can you read?
The OP was clearly saying they were taking about BLM.

I think your entitled to say what you like about being seen as a victim ect, he has no right to say other wise.

Can you give some examples of the things you objected to in the presentation?

What made you feel like you were viewed as a victim?

For example, if this was a presentation about sexism, would it make you feel like a victim too?

I don't agree you should be shut down without being asked for an explanation at least. It does sound like something done to pay lip service to some sort of policy without a real want for discussion and engagement.
But it would help if we could understand your specific objections, even if to help you address it any next time.

I wouldn't let this go. Go back to your boss and explain to him why he's being a cunt. Take the bull by the horns, stand up for yourself, what he's done isn't on.

Also while obviously you have some experience of racism (I’m guessing that’s what the talk was about) because of being brown as you said, you cannot directly compare that to being black

Racism is still racism.

@cinammonbuns

Also based on your posts I still don’t think I can give a valid assessment on whether you were in the wrong or not but if you feel that you want to make yourself clearer to yourself manager then do so.

Also while obviously you have some experience of racism (I’m guessing that’s what the talk was about) because of being brown as you said, you cannot directly compare that to being black.

On what basis are you qualified to decide what is right or wrong, regardless of what the poster says? Do you also have some form of unique insight that enables you to decide right from wrong? And could you please explain how "being brown" is not directly comparable to "being black"?

FFS I think you have just nicely summed up the exact thing the OP is talking about. I have no idea what colour your skin is, nor do I care, but you have managed to be utterly patronising and judgemental without saying a single thing, whilst simultaneously signalling that the only relevant opinion is yours though you won't state what that is.

This is exactly what is wrong with so many "debates" at the moment. In the rush to be politically correct about everything, we are creating new polarised narratives that allow for only one version of the truth. So we are replacing one fictionalised set "facts"with another. If only life were that easy.

Huh? I'm confused. So after a presentation about BLM you got up and said you didn't want to be a victim? Did the presentation presents black and asian community as victims?

I am brown too btw, and work in a very white environment.

@funnylittlefloozie
Are you deliberately trying to be goady? Are you honestly saying that racism doesnt affect "brown" people as much as "black" people?

Erm, I don’t think that’s what was being said at all. Take a step back for a second.

Non-white people were explicitly labelled victims.

@Lweji

Can you give some examples of the things you objected to in the presentation?

What made you feel like you were viewed as a victim?

For example, if this was a presentation about sexism, would it make you feel like a victim too?

I don't agree you should be shut down without being asked for an explanation at least. It does sound like something done to pay lip service to some sort of policy without a real want for discussion and engagement.
But it would help if we could understand your specific objections, even if to help you address it any next time.

But if she'd spoken up as the only woman in the room and said that she didn't wish to be viewed as a victim because of her sex, I bet my bottom dollar there'd be no problem. Her boss is using her views as an opportunity to virtue signal.

Didn’t Priti Patel come under fire for trying to give her own personal experience in the press?

My memory was more that she insisted her version was the only version, so we could ignore anyone elses. She probably didn't help herself by trying to pretend her family "fled" Uganda, when they didn't.

Hammeringinmyhead: The guy being interviewed on telly whose wife bursts in chasing the escaped kids?

Yeah. It may have made more sense to well-paid Americans who may even employ a nanny.
Anyway, subsequent posts here have somewhat clarified the OP’s position.

Still don’t like her claim about being under thirty making her interesting or clever though!

@funnylittlefloozie the lack of reading comprehension on here is honestly astonishing. In the OP the OP never stated that she was non-white, she simply stated where her grandparents were born. Then later on AFTER I commented she said she was brown.

Also in the original comment the OP said the talk was referring to BLM. Which is why I said obviously she would have experiences of racism as a brown person but not experiences of racism as a black person. Goodness.

@MulticolourMophead please actually read my posts.

The talk was extremely comprehensive. BLM was explained/contextualised and a lot of history was covered

Ah ok I see OP...presentation sounds like it was trying to do good but came off all neo-colonial/paternalistic. Can you speak to the person who designed it?

Overall I'd go to HR tbh, your boss isn't ever really going to understand where you are coming from.

Non-white people were explicitly labelled victims.

I don't quite get it.
By definition, the victims of racism are non-white people, as women are victims of sexism.

Is that the sort of blank statement you're objecting to?
Is it that the word victim seems to have acquired a somewhat pejorative meaning?

Did you mean to say you didn't experience racism?