My boss essentially warned me for racial insensitivity - aibu?

[Sakalibre]

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

Everyone is terrified of speaking about race- IRL, not on forums. Especially but not only white people. The penalty for “ getting it wrong” can be too high in terms of social disapproval etc. So a lot of people just keep quiet. It’s a sad state of affairs. I grew up in Algeria and I know racial prejudice is multi directional but a lot of people don’t want to hear that.

@HannahStern

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

How interesting that you cannot spell Morocco correctly, yet you claim that your maternal grandparents were born there.

HannahStern, I occasionally struggle with Dun Laoghaire, and, in fact, many Irish spellings of place names. I also sometimes do typos of places that I do know how to spell. I still claim that all of my grandparents were born in Ireland. Do you doubt that?

@HannahStern

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

How interesting that you cannot spell Morocco correctly, yet you claim that your maternal grandparents were born there.

It took me years to spell one of my own middle names and I still have to check it, it’s not English and I forget all the time.

Still my name though.

Op you’re not being clear at all. What did your boss give you a telling off for exactly. What did he or she say?

You're under 30. When you're just under 40 you won't be feeling confused or questioning yourself, you'll be angry and fed up and probably flounce. When you're just under 50, you'll be cynical and dismissive but feel impotent. I can't tell you what happens after that.

My advice is to find your people and take your moral grounding from them. We all have to deal with morons in the workplace: being an idiot is a truly equal-opportunities right. Your real life happens outside of work, so just make sure you've enough people around you to remind you which way the world really should spin.

These kind of presentations are rarely designed to elicit discussion or argument. No-one’s opinion was sought or asked for and you broke the rules. I would argue that the sole purpose of said presentations is a boat-load of virtue-signalling and you offering your own perspective was patently unwelcome. I would advise you to keep your counsel on this one, no matter how you feel. You could be putting your own prospects in jeopardy by doing otherwise. We are living in “interesting” times.

You should not have felt like you had to say anything at the end of the presentation but clearly you did.

I can't understand your line manager getting cross with you though.

Maybe - no one was meant to say a word and the presentation was purely 'procedure' in view of recent events.

Half the problem is bad comms so personally I can't see anything wrong in what you did. I would however take a colleague into any discussions you have with your line manager.

But it wasn't about you. Because you're not black.

I'm fed up of brown people thinking they have the same experience as black people. You don't.

The presentation was about black lives and now back lives matter. Not your under 30 female brown life.

Keep that to yourself - why even bring yourself into it - that one itself is diminishing and racist - and that's why black lives matter is a movement for black people. It's the same as if an Irish person gave their opinion - cos they're Irish. Or an Arab - they're not black.

@Sakalibre

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

The presentation was about BLM. So to be frank, unless you have a massive dripfeed to say you are black, your opinion did not matter.

The presentation was about systemic racism and the OP says it talked about "non-white" people, so why wouldn't her opinion matter?

I’m sorry that “nanny assumption” happens to you, even if you do appear to handle it well.
I genuinely cannot see what is here to be sorry for. A nanny is not a criminal, it is a decent and well paid occupation, and when I had a nanny, her "take home" was more than twice what my "take home after nanny" was, and she definitely afforded a much higher quality of life than myself. The assumption came from naice well-off English mums as well as from other Eastern European nannies. The same happens to a colleague from Phillipines, by the way, and she is similarly not too bothered about it.

It’s very difficult to determine who is in the ‘wrong’ without being privy to the conversation and being aware of the tone used by the parties involved.

Dear god the minimising going on here.

A young, brown woman needs to justify what was said to her by a middle aged, white man?

But it wasn't about you. Because you're not black.

I'm fed up of brown people thinking they have the same experience as black people. You don't.

The presentation was about black lives and now back lives matter. Not your under 30 female brown life.

Keep that to yourself - why even bring yourself into it - that one itself is diminishing and racist - and that's why black lives matter is a movement for black people. It's the same as if an Irish person gave their opinion - cos they're Irish. Or an Arab - they're not black.

Quoting OP:

The talk was not specifically about BLM it was used to explain why systematic racism was being addressed.

FUCKING LEARN TO READ.

"the whole victim thing can strike a very paternalistic tone - "poor victims, but don't worry we have seen the error of our ways and are now going to save you!".

People don't object to the victim narrative because they think"the word victim is taken as an insult these days", but because that narrative is disempowering and unhelpful"

Exactly this, thank you.

@Moondust001
cinammonbuns

*Also based on your posts I still don’t think I can give a valid assessment on whether you were in the wrong or not but if you feel that you want to make yourself clearer to yourself manager then do so.

Also while obviously you have some experience of racism (I’m guessing that’s what the talk was about) because of being brown as you said, you cannot directly compare that to being black.

On what basis are you qualified to decide what is right or wrong, regardless of what the poster says? Do you also have some form of unique insight that enables you to decide right from wrong? And could you please explain how "being brown" is not directly comparable to "being black"?

FFS I think you have just nicely summed up the exact thing the OP is talking about. I have no idea what colour your skin is, nor do I care, but you have managed to be utterly patronising and judgemental without saying a single thing, whilst simultaneously signalling that the only relevant opinion is yours though you won't state what that is.

This is exactly what is wrong with so many "debates" at the moment. In the rush to be politically correct about everything, we are creating new polarised narratives that allow for only one version of the truth. So we are replacing one fictionalised set "facts"with another. If only life were that easy.*

Excellent post!

If the presentation specifically referred to non white people as victims then you were well within your right to say you’re not a victim

That being said, you have dripfed and not been entirely clear throughout this thread so who knows🤷🏻‍♀️

"You should not have felt like you had to say anything at the end of the presentation but clearly you did."

why is that for you to decide?

OP are you white presenting? (I ask as it’s unusual for a person of a specific ethnic minority and who unmistakably presents as such, to explain their skin colour through grandpaternal ethnicity, unless they are actually white presenting).

Perhaps if the above is true, your manager thought you were being racially insensitive.

This is classic critical theory bullshit.

Any minority group which does not subscribe to the victim hood narrative (e.g. Jews or Asians in the US) is labelled "white-adjacent". You're basically benefiting from privilege somehow.

Welcome to the fun, you're either down with systemic racism as the determining factor of everything in our society, or you're a racist who benefits from system racism.

Did you say this in front of everyone?

I did, I was very conflicted but chose to speak up during the q&a portion of the presentation.

So basically they ticked a box about racism and you mistook it for meaning the company actually wanted an open and honest discussion about racism.

How silly of you

Email. Make it very factual but point out that you are in fact from a mixed race background and had believed the training earth discussions about improvement. Ask if they just actually expected everyone to watch it and go to work.

State that you feel that given an stern talking to a verbal warning totally goes against what they had just trained staff in.

And I'd comment that considering direct boss is white and typical of the person in industry you'd hoped he want to increase diversity and suggest he is placed on further courses!

I'd copy in HR and your bosses boss.

HannahStern - I'm dyslexic

Also, my parents were both born in the UK. I have never been to either India or Morocco so neither country holds particular significance tbh.

Yanbu.
Can’t argue with the party line. 1984.

@HannahStern
'How interesting that you cannot spell Morocco correctly, yet you claim that your maternal grandparents were born there.'

WTF!? Is this all you got from this!??
Yes, definitely batshit crazy.

@MellowBird85

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin.

I follow a black women on FB who states exactly the same thing. I think, in light of the recent BLM movement, there is a certain group of people who are absolutely revelling in moral superiority by standing up for what they believe are the poor little oppressed ethnic minorities. They’re feeling ultra woke and cutting edge. And what you said challenges this belief they’ve got. It’s like saying “No, stay oppressed so us heroes can keep sticking up for you!” It’s insulting and patronising.

I (brown skinned woman) am often surprised at white people taking extreme offence at things that didn't bother me in the least. It's really weird. The black/brown people I know are far less sensitive than woke whites. In my (multi-racial) home country people say things to each other involving their race in a perfectly natural way, that white people would find incredibly offensive. For instance, it's quite normal over there, when describing someone, to name their race or skin-tone -- I get the feeling you can't do that in Europe as it's seen as fundamentally racist. Along with the "I don't see race" or "I'm colour-blind" nonsense.