My boss essentially warned me for racial insensitivity - aibu?

[Sakalibre]

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

@HannahStern - sorry to take us back a page, but I’m guffawing at this - you do know that actual real life people in Morocco don’t actually use the word Morocco?

Just a little factoid to add to your vast education.

No actually she did explicitly say what she said multiple times 🥴

If you could quote the OP and show me, I'd really appreciate it.

And you think that white people might be offended that non white people dont feel like victims - only in your world maybe ...

And if you could explain how you reached that conclusion about what I think, I'd also really appreciate it, so that I can be more clear about my thoughts next time.

Aridane - he did not literally tell me to fuck off obviously

Please point out how I've been immature? So bloody patronising.

I'm a 25 yo woman fgs that had the nerve to express an opinion.

Yanbu, but these types of training are usually meant to make people nod and agree. Saying anything even remotely controversial will not go down well.

-he did not literally tell me to fuck off obviously

Nope - not obvious to me. In fact not much of what you have posted is particularly clear. I am getting a glimmer as to how it may have gone and I think your father has called it correctly

(bold fail)

I'm a 25 yo woman fgs that had the nerve to express an opinion.

But what did you actually say?

@Sakalibre

Aridane - he did not literally tell me to fuck off obviously

And what did he say? As close as possible to actual words.

yeah, OP, best will in the world and all that: you are not being very clear and I'm another one who agreed with your dad.

I think i mentioned it before: you're young. Watch and learn.

I don’t know and didn’t purport to know What the line manager (other than I now know he did NOT say to SHUT THE FUCK UP. I merely said Inhad a “glimmer” of how it may have gone. HTH

@Bluntness100

Sometimes race threads go this way on MN with a select few hmm loudly telling you that your experiences and views don’t matter.

Can you link us to one post where someone has said her views don’t matter? Saying others views also matter doesn’t equate to saying hers don’t.

So I think you need to show us the posts you’re referring to. Or withdraw your post.

This isn’t a formal debate and you’re not my teacher. I cannot “withdraw”, what the heck?!! It’s my opinion and I stand by it. I will read back through the thread this evening when I’m on my laptop and show you where a few - and note, I said a few - were essentially telling her that her experiences don’t matter.

Well who knew there was a hierarchy of racism? Talk about a race to the bottom? Or have we got to a stage where people actually are finding being a victim beneficial? Op you have just as much right to comment on this issue as anyone else. But for your careers sake-park having any kind of opinion, nod and mentally kick your manager in the balls repeatedly.

If the OP portrayed a view that implied that non-white people would or could be offended, it could have been taken as her speaking for others, which she can't or shouldn't. In that sense, she would have deserved a bollocking.

Or not.

That is why I've been trying to get her to state what her words were.
Because she came here to ask if she was being unreasonable.
Last time I've checked MN wasn't the land of the automatic "you're right, hun".

She won't say, Lweji. I've been trying to find out what was said in the presentation, what the context of the word 'victim(s)' was, what was actually said, whether anything was said concerning her directly...but nope. All I got for asking the questions was a load of vile abuse (not from the OP).

Well who knew there was a hierarchy of racism? Talk about a race to the bottom?

No pun intended ?

@Lweji

If the OP portrayed a view that implied that non-white people would or could be offended, it could have been taken as her speaking for others, which she can't or shouldn't. In that sense, she would have deserved a bollocking.

Or not.

That is why I've been trying to get her to state what her words were.
Because she came here to ask if she was being unreasonable.
Last time I've checked MN wasn't the land of the automatic "you're right, hun".

I think this is the point. She could have been offensive to someone for whom the issue is personal. Someone with a BAME family member or whose race isn’t obvious. Like a Jewish person. That the OP continually references herself as the core of whatever contention she made indicates she doesn’t really think beyond herself.

Being from a minority doesn’t preclude you from making an offensive or racist statement. I can think of one rl experience where someone with a similar background to the OP made a blatant statement and got sacked for it.

Based on her communication on here, it’s fairly easy to see a manager having to have a word.

Being a BAME young woman in a male environment you are oppressed on many levels. This isn't just virtue signalling on the race front by your boss, but a clear sign of systemic sexism too IMHO.

How dare you not victimise yourself by default when the white male boss tells you you should?

Imo I have stated what I said during the q&a portion of the presentation, I don't have much to add to my PPs

My boss told me that I was out of line and that many people would find what I said to be incredibly offensive and that I should be me more careful in future. He said I was lucky that X was not listening in blah blah (this was all done via a video conferencing service).

Pretty sure he called me divisive or something similar as well. His tone was aggressive and he talked over me when I was attempted to explain myself.

Sorry if I didn't provide a detailed transcript...

The OP has been perfectly clear from the beginning.

The amount of patronising and bullshit on this thread is unreal. I guess people are just way more willing to believe a white middle aged man about everything, even about the experience of a young, non white woman. Unreal.

OP continually references herself as the core of whatever contention she made indicates she doesn’t really think beyond herself

???

I used my background and dislike of the term "victim" to merely state I doubt I'm alone in disliking the narrative presented during the call.

I really don't understand why some posters are intent on casting me as some self-obsessed, immature weirdo for merely questioning a term and drawing upon my own background and life experience. What else could I cite?

I know what people mean by keep quiet and think of your career etc... But I think if OP puts it in writing and is professional it should not be an issue. I think in some ways to accept the critisim without challenge could be more damaging to her career. She could be seen as that person who is racially insensitive. I think it is important to nip this in the bud but with good grace, professionalism and facts/evidence.

As a matter of interest did the material talk about the victimising behaviour of white people or did it focus more on non white people being victims. What I mean really is - where was the focus on white people or non white people?
Good luck.

Sakalibre your never going to win an argument with a few faceless nobodies on
the internet.

Lots of posters hear you and understand where you are coming from and a few have given great advice on how to proceed - if you want to.

Dont let people you don’t know or won’t ever see get under your skin

Imo I have stated what I said during the q&a portion of the presentation, I don't have much to add to my PPs

Your OP isn't too clear and I couldn't see anything after that apart from (like on this post) different accounts of how your boss reacted.

But please explain to me again. Indulge me.

Your account now of what your boss said seems to suggest he may have had a point. So, explain to us, why not. Other than you're entitled to your opinion.

Is your boss white? If he is, how can he possibly tell you how your experience of racism and your thoughts on the framing of people as victims be invalid and inappropriate?