My boss essentially warned me for racial insensitivity - aibu?

[Sakalibre]

Firstly, my maternal grandparents were born in Morroco and my paternal grandparents were born in India.

I'm in my 2nd year of a grad scheme (financial services).

Last week, we were given a presentation which addressed systematic racism in relation to the BLM movement.

I am the only female in my team of 15 and the only person under 30 so have a unique perspective.

At the end of the presentation, I very sensitively and tactfully stated I personally do not like being viewed as a victim purely based on the colour of my skin. I tried to say this in a constructive way that some non-white people could take offence to some of the things that had been stated in the presentation. I emphasised this was just an opinion

Anyway, I had a 1 to 1 meeting with my line manager following this presentation and I was given what can only be described as a very stern telling off. I tried to explain my position but he was having none of it. In the end, I actually apologised to him. Which I regret now.

Over the weekend I've given it all a lot of thought. Why should my feelings be discounted? Why shut down the conversation?

WIBU? Should I go over this again with my boss tomorrow?

@Notredamn
No, it is YOU that has misunderstood.

Some more eyesballs for Mumbles dog to eat off the floor! 🙄

@SadSoVerySad thank you and you are right. The online comments I’ve seen are awful. Then there was the “bubonic plague cases” but most of the plague cases every year are in the US... but of course the media focused on China. I saw your comment earlier and I agree with everything you said. I try not to declare my ethnicity either. We’re just strong women, doesn’t matter what we look like x

@SadSoVerySad
For some, it's all too easy to look for others to blame. And it doesn't help if you happen to be in the wrong gang (race, religion, tax bracket, etc - unfortunately the list goes on...).

False sterotypes and grouping all people who may look similar regardless of how individuals lead their lives breeds this kind of ignorance. So sad.

I'm fed up of brown people thinking they have the same experience as black people. You don't.

Yes (hence my Priti Patel comment)

@BubblyBluePebbles I really, really haven't misunderstood. My post was a question but I take it you gloss over question marks....?
Poor dogs.

I have many non white friends and they are all fed up with the victim emphasis of the blm movement. As one friend put it, they came to a country that they knew was white majority and didn't practice their religion as widely (Hindu) all they have experienced is welcoming and they have had more opportunities than staying in their country of birth, she said she doesn't think things are perfect but they have never been denied things based on race (both are civil servants). One persons view, but it seems like if you don't subscribe to the blm ideology exactly you are a traitor or just plain wrong. Life is very different based on so many factors and racism is not homogeneous. What bugs me most is diversity training being delivered by middle class white men!

@TheMumblesofMumbledom
You're very welcome. I'm sure there will continue to be an indefinite supply of eyeballs for her 😄

YABU for turning the word "victim" into a pejorative and demanding everyone else joins you in such behaviour. There is nothing wrong with using the objective descriptor "victim"; it is not an insult, it is not a pejorative, and it should carry no shame.

Perpetuating the idea that being a victim of something is weak or shameful causes real people real harm and suffering, so I'm glad you were told to stop on that count.

Well put, @user14562156358

Agreed, Aridane

@Notredamn
No, I did not gloss over the question marks that you placed at the end of your sentence.
It was simply a stupid question!

You came to a decision by deciding to tell the OP that she is 'YABU', whilst still asking stupid questions (e.g. what this? and what's that?).

The OP said what she said!
It is her opinion of how she felt and/or how she was made to feel.
Who are you to question whether anybody's lived experience fits YOUR definition?

Does the colour of one's skin make them a victim? (Strategically placed question mark here)
And yes, it's a stupid question!
Go and crawl back under whatever rock you've been existing under.

Another set of eyeballs for Mumbles dog 🙄

It's not about saying being a victim is shameful. But if you're not a victim and don't want to be described as a victim, then what right has someone else to tell you you are one? And then there's the wider issue of describing whole groups of people as victims and seeing them through the lens of victimhood rather than any other more positive descriptors. It is pretty racist to describe all non-white people as victims. It doesn't mean that racism isn't real. It means that people are full human beings of all kinds of personalities, experiences and attributes that have nothing to do with their skin colour or the way they've been treated because of their skin colour.

@Notredamn
@Aridane
Seriously, go back and read the whole damn thread again!

The whole thing sounds cack-handed. I'm very cynical about diversity training. We had it up the wazoo in the NHS and I still had to deal with prejudice from my colleagues over being Jewish and disabled (because people under 40 shouldn't be disabled, it seems). I got my arm twisted into attending a diversity event even though I wanted to go home and knew staying on extra time would trigger a fibro flare, not to mention meetings like that where we have to do stupid group shit make me panicky. But no, my line manager insisted and I ended up going into sensory overload, having a meltdown and feeling like shit. If you're not going to actually LISTEN to disabled people and make allowances for us, you're just virtue signalling.

Also, white people can't be 'woke'. 'Woke' specifically refers to the black American experience.

@BubblyBluePebbles I'm not going to rise to your endless goading of me, I will just say you've misunderstood my post, badly.

Unless the OP was personally addressed as a victim, or the presentation addressed all POC as victims merely based on that fact (which I was wanting to clarify by asking), then she is being unreasonable as she wasn't being called a victim, and if the presentation was talking of victims of racial prejudice and racism, then that is the correct terminology to use.

@BubblyBluePebbles

Have read the thread . Feel free to try to shut down debate in racism and views that differ to your by saying RTFT

So are you saying that there are different levels of racism? That racists are smart enough to distinguish between different ethnicities?

Of course there are different levels on of racism!!

Also, white people can't be 'woke'. 'Woke' specifically refers to the black American experience.

Which is now used ironically for white people who try to...?

Try to what, pretend to be black? I don't get it.

'Woke' on Mumsnet, in my experience, means 'anyone left-wing'. I got called woke for saying I thought G-d Save the Queen was a dirge. I wasn't trying to be right on. I genuinely think it's dirgey. And it had nothing to do with racism.

@Aridane

YABU for turning the word "victim" into a pejorative and demanding everyone else joins you in such behaviour. There is nothing wrong with using the objective descriptor "victim"; it is not an insult, it is not a pejorative, and it should carry no shame.

Perpetuating the idea that being a victim of something is weak or shameful causes real people real harm and suffering, so I'm glad you were told to stop on that count.

Well put, @user14562156358

But the thing is, I have simply NOT been a victim of racism in the last 10-15 years or longer. It has nothing to do with the "turning the word victim into a pejorative". I've not been a victim, and I should be able to say that without some woke white boss coming after me.

That's fair enough, @Lamahaha. It's understandable you wouldn't want to be referred to as a victim of a crime when you haven't been.

The thing with institutional sexism, for example, is that every woman is a victim, iyswim.

I really don't know what to do! Earlier today I was intent on discussing the issue further with my boss as I feel my nuanced perspective could be useful but ultimately I'm pretty sure anything I have to say is going to fall on deaf ears.

As a black person, I have to say this is the most fucking ridiculous thread I've read in a while. Racism is racism, whether you're brown or white. If somebody states their parents were born in India, then the likelihood is, what with the end of the fucking British Empire and all, that their parents are not white. Contrary to popular opinion, we don't like being portrayed as victims, so if a non-white person comes here and tells you that that's how she's being made to feel, in the name of equality or whatever the fuck, then believe her, FFS.

Your view is totally valid!!!

I’m horrified that you aren’t allowed an opinion and your boss sounds very “white saviour”, how dare he categorise you as a victim because of your ethnicity. Just because you are brown it doesn’t mean you have to feel the same as every other brown person.

There is a similar movement with people who have experience abuse preferring the the term “survivor” to “victim” and they have defined themselves.

Your boss is a twat.

Please show him this comment.