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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Absolutely livid

468 replies

Whathastheworldbecome · 16/08/2020 08:09

My dp (3 years) went to work yesterday. We have only recently moved in together.

Before he went to work I got up with him at 7am and made him breakfast. While he was out I cleaned the house, hovered, mopped, dusted, walked the dog, cleaned the bedroom, cleaned the ensuite and the main bathroom and put fresh bedding on. I watered the lawn for him at his request. I ironed him clothes for work and made a slow cooker dinner. I also did a food shop. I worked all day trying to get the place in decent order so when he came home he wouldn’t have to do anything, he could just put his feet up.

I put one note on the fridge asking him to empty the kitchen bin. The reason I didn’t do it is because the outside bin needs compacted down, otherwise I’d have done it myself.

He comes home and goes straight to the fridge, looks at the note and states “do you not know how to empty a bin?” It wasn’t said with any sarcasm. He was being serious.

I was completely taken a back, I thought he’d be chuffed with all the work I’d done. I told him what I’d done all day and why I hadn’t emptied the bin. I then opened the fridge told him I’d gotten his favourite dessert in and I’d put water in the fridge for him as it was such a hot day.

His response was “yeah because that was really hard to do.”

I ended up taking the rubbish out myself and went for a bath and had a little cry. His response to this was to tell me he does housework all the time and doesn’t cast up about it which is what he felt I was doing. I just feel like crap today and has really put me off living with him.

OP posts:
nostaples · 17/08/2020 19:14

Sounds like a 1950s relationship. Do you not work?

You need to live your life in a way that’s fulfilling for you.

Tbh I probably wouldn’t notice or care if my dh did this. I would rather he was out earning money that we could save or spend enjoying ourselves. Divorced now. He resented all the housework he did and saw it as an excuse for other failings in the relationship.

Now I do all the housework As well as working without the song and dance and prefer not to have the moaning.

Rebelwithallthecause · 17/08/2020 19:14

I wouldn’t do anything for him ever again

How dare he ask you to water the lawn but he himself can’t be asked to do a task

Clearaschristal · 17/08/2020 19:15

Three months is too long, get rid!!

ThistleTits · 17/08/2020 19:15

It won't get any better, only worse. Go now.

Nettie1964 · 17/08/2020 19:17

You need to stop and read why men marry bitches and then get on with being 1

D4rwin · 17/08/2020 19:21

He sounds like a whiney passive aggressive teenager.

Tinkerbell1980 · 17/08/2020 19:25

Shitbag. It'll only get worse if he's like that at the beginning!

Ilovelondon2020 · 17/08/2020 19:27

Leave the pig now !

AdoptedAWholeLoadOfShit · 17/08/2020 19:30

He’d be wearing the contents of the bin if he’d said even one of those things!

AdoptedAWholeLoadOfShit · 17/08/2020 19:31

*if he’d said one of these things to me!

Nickyb2020 · 17/08/2020 19:34

After living with someone like this myself the only way to deal with it is to clean when you want to clean, do his breakfast when you want to do it, make him a pudding when you want to do it as its obviously not something he appreciates. If you cant be bothered then dont. Grow a selfish attitude to, as this man doesn't deserve a kind, giving partner. clearly. Treat them mean n keep em keen. An old saying but a true one. Good luck xx

user1490954378 · 17/08/2020 19:38

Get out now

Den1se · 17/08/2020 19:40

dump him today

LinnieMaple · 17/08/2020 19:52

Stop right there! If he’s got that attitude in the early days of living together, he’ll get worse and it smacks of taking you for granted. No matter how much you do, he’ll act entitled and won’t appreciate it.
Among many issues, my ex once said he didn’t like the way I ironed his shirts. Easy answer, I never ironed anything for him again. Problem solved!, but he also didn’t do much in the house and didn’t appreciate anything I did. Sound familiar?

bluebella4 · 17/08/2020 20:00

Congratulations, You've just met your real partner! Do not start this, do not do this again. Please learn from this. Some men can be this selfish and mean it. Sounds just like you partner is one of them!!

MyWitzEnd · 17/08/2020 20:06

Come live with me. I will treat you better!

Rachand23 · 17/08/2020 20:07

Move out NOW! Next it will be verbal abuse, followed by physical abuse. You deserve better!

Shell4429 · 17/08/2020 20:07

Don’t cry over a man. I spent years battling with my two (not at the same time) husbands because I did everything around the house. They both made me feel like rubbish. I am a people pleaser but only for so long. I can’t believe you did so much for him. You deserve someone who appreciates you. I decided after more than thirty years in unhappy relationships that either I picked the wrong men or I was doing something wrong. I took a break to find myself and I am still on it years later! I have never been so happy as I am on my own. It’s freedom and it’s fantastic.

Alwaysinpain · 17/08/2020 20:08

@FilthyforFirth

What grown man needs breakfast made for him? Hmm
???? It's something nice people do for the people they love, once in a while.

Has your partner/previous partners never made you breakfast??

Hmm
Wonderwoman550 · 17/08/2020 20:15

I just wanted some advice about my situation. I am going through a divorce but still living in the same property (for the last 16 months) due to financial reasons only. Our house is jointly owned. My ex husband to be has instructed a Surveyor to come to our property tomorrow in order for him to get a mortgage to buy me out of the property doesn't he need my permission to do this as well?

footprintsintheslow · 17/08/2020 20:18

@Wonderwoman550 I think what you need to do is start a new thread and you'll get lots of help and advice.

Chloe1973 · 17/08/2020 20:21

I don’t think that he is appreciating you and unfortunately in my experience this will only get worse. I think you were right to be upset and yanbu - it’s very simple! pull back a bit. Don’t do as much as you usually do until he learns to appreciate you. Sometimes us human beings take what ppl do for us for granted until they are not doing it anymore x

Waytoomuch82 · 17/08/2020 20:22

But the short answer is - yes. If you are named in the deeds, he can’t buy you out without you choosing to sell to him!

horseyhorsey17 · 17/08/2020 20:23

Nope. Get rid.

MindyandBella · 17/08/2020 20:25

Get out now ..I was in a relationship like that many moons ago .you keep trying to make it better I would rush round like an idiot like you..doing everything going to work getting home 20 mins before him so I had the dinner cooked or on cooking and not just a heat threw a proper cooked meal then I would go and shower and get dressed up and put fresh make up on...nope wasn’t enough .he just kepted pushing until I snapped ..please stop now and get your plans Ready for getting and having your own place...your will look back in years to come and be so happy. Xxxxwishing you all the best .