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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh keeps breaking my stuff

219 replies

DimidDavilby · 15/08/2020 12:50

Dh has just broken the butter dish, which was a gift from my stepdad, who had it from his great aunt (sadly departed). He has form for breaking my precious possessions by not treating them with care. He will then say, oh it was an accident, its a clean break but makes no attempt to ever fix.

He shouted through from the kitchen that he had done it and then came through about 5 min later to the front room. I was a bit off with him- didn't have a go, just a bit quiet - and now he's annoyed at me.

AIBU to not be instantly over the breaking of a precious thing?

OP posts:
Vodkacranberryplease · 15/08/2020 13:20

This sounds very passive aggressive on his part! Provoking you by breaking something you value then requiring you to act in a certain way to placate him. Not good - a sign of deeper things I suspect.

First things first. Put anything valuable if yours away now. Second break something of his in the next few days. Then something else. A fight will start no doubt and you will know it's time to go (or for him to go)

He sounds like a tosser.

TimelyManor · 15/08/2020 13:21

I don't know if he stands there and breaks it so much as deliberately handles it carelessly out of spite.

Out of spite for what? You say you're not a good enough actress for this relationship. Is there more going on?

ancientgran · 15/08/2020 13:24

This sounds much more involved than a broken butter dish. If he's doing it deliberately I don't think I could stay with him.

YorkshireTeaIsTheBest · 15/08/2020 13:25

@DimidDavilby

It was out being used. I don't break my things when I use them though? Because I take care when handling precious items.

He doesn't break his own stuff. Probably because he values it more than mine.

I think it's the being annoyed at me for being upset part that's pissing me off the most. I would have got over it but I don't see why I should pretend that it's fine when it's not. He'll punish me all day now. I'm not a good enough actress for this relationship.

Can I suggest you use his stuff and don't take care and shrug when it breaks.

So he breaks stuff, you are upset, he then gets pissed that you are upset he punishes you for "being upset" -sounds like abuse to me.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/08/2020 13:25

Spite? Punish?

Sounds like you need to leave a twat.

SqidgeBum · 15/08/2020 13:25

Is he 6 years old?

I would lose my s**t with him to be honest. He clearly just has no concern for things that are important to you.

Shannith · 15/08/2020 13:28

Do you have an internet enabled TV?

Google smashed TV screen prank and do it on the TV. Shout through you accidentally broke it.

Keep it up it and tell him off when he gets upset.

I'd keep it up until he forked out for a new one.

CarolVordermansArse · 15/08/2020 13:29

Unfortunately it seems that things you care about are the ones that they break.

I have learned not to say I really like something because I know it will be bashed against something and chipped or dropped in the sink but the cheap replaceable stuff will not be damaged at all. It does seem to be deliberate these days so I have packed my nice things away.

I had a pretty set of wine glasses, a gift, when the set of six became two I put them out of use. We use small cheap tumblers now.

I no longer have a favourite mug, just some that make a nice cup of tea, cheap ones, easily replaced. Not one has been broken. Special mugs were dropped or chipped. Even the pet bowls were damaged.

It shows a person's real nature.

bumblingbovine49 · 15/08/2020 13:29

*It was out being used. I don't break my things when I use them though? Because I take care when handling precious items.

He doesn't break his own stuff. Probably because he values it more than mine*

Does he actually know the butter dish is precious to you though? It sounds like you have problems beyond this if you genuinely belive he is breaking your precious things deliberately!

HappyPunky · 15/08/2020 13:29

You could either replace stuff he breaks with really expensive stuff, depends on your financial situation and if you have a joint account.
Allessi do a butter dish for about £90!!

Or you can be careless with his stuff then get annoyed at his reaction.

He sounds like a shit husband though and he doesn't have to be hitting you for it to be abuse. Do you have children? Might be worth thinking about leaving the situation not just for your stuff but for your mental health.

Lordamighty · 15/08/2020 13:29

He broke something of yours that was precious to you & now he is in a huff about it? I suspect that you have had enough of his clumsy ways & are looking to get rid.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 15/08/2020 13:32

If none of his things break (if breakable), then he is not clumsy.
Then it is deliberate, to demonstrate a point only people with that kind of mentality need to make.

Remove your items from use until this is cleared up - and break a few of his, if you can bear to sink so low.
But make sure your irreplacable fotos and documents are out of his reach first.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/08/2020 13:32

@CarolVordermansArse you're leaving him soon, right?!

7yo7yo · 15/08/2020 13:33

Everytime he breaks something of yours break something of his.
Spiteful abusive cunt.

Butchyrestingface · 15/08/2020 13:34

Have you posted about this before?

If not, your pain is shared.

Witchend · 15/08/2020 13:35

Its not super delicate. Its not like glass or something it's earthenware he must have absolutely twatted it to break it.

Not necessarily, I opened a cupboard and a small item dropped out and shattered the plate beneath it. The plate is an ordinary standard plate, but fairly robust-it's only the second item from the set (8 place settings, 3 x plates, bowls, cups etc) that's been broken in the 20+years we've had it and the other one was in two and we glued back together. We use them every day and had three children using them from around 18months old. We've never been precious about them.

I think the question you're asking is: is he accident prone, careless or doing it deliberately?
That's something only you can answer. We don't see what's happening. He may not break his own things because you don't use them every day, for example.

For me, when I broke that plate I had a moment of annoyance that whoever put the egg cup back in the cupboard has left it on the edge so as soon as I opened the door it fell out, and a moment of annoyance for whoever left the plate above the dishwasher rather than putting it in it.
Was it my fault? Or the fault of the person who left the egg cup there? Or the fault of the person who put the plate there?
Really a set of unfortunate circumstances.

And some people are unlucky. I know if I dropped a pin anywhere growing up, it didn't matter where it was, if df walked in barefoot, he would tread on it and get it stuck in the bottom of his foot. I can't imagine he did that deliberately, but I don't remember it ever happening to anyone else, and I always walk round barefoot!

Ginkypig · 15/08/2020 13:36

My Dp isn't clumsy as such but he does break things more than me and almost always he says "I hardly touched it and it just broke"
He can do very delicate things with his hands so I think sometimes it's not on purpose but when he isn't concentrating (like lots of us don't when doing mundane tasks) he maybe isn't quite as carful as he could be. The difference is it's not just my stuff so it doesn't feel malicious like the tone of your post op.

updownroundandround · 15/08/2020 13:37

I'm with the OP's who are telling you to 'accidentally' break something precious to HIM, then act the same as HE does, and get annoyed with him for being upset Shock

He doesn't care about YOUR stuff, and so is careless. YOU need to do the same so he can see it's upsetting and to teach him to treat everything with more care, not just his own stuff.

RandomMess · 15/08/2020 13:38

It is very telling that you think he is deliberately careless, out of spite, with things that matter to you.

That is a bizarre statement and why do you think he is being spiteful towards you?

GabsAlot · 15/08/2020 13:38

heonly breaks your stuff-thats deliberate then

Daphnise · 15/08/2020 13:38

This type of clumsy (or is it deliberate) breaker never feels any remorse- why should they- it's not their possession.

In the end you have to only let him touch stuff that when he damages it, you don't get more than just slightly annoyed.

I'm surprised he didn't try the normal tactic of claiming it was your fault for.......(Insert any inane reason...)

EatsShootsAndRuns · 15/08/2020 13:41

@CarolVordermansArse oh I'm sorry that you have to live like that. I hope you've got plans to leave him as he's showing you exactly what he thinks of you. Sad

You deserve better.

TitsOutForHarambe · 15/08/2020 13:42

My DH breaks stuff quite a lot. He does it to his own stuff as much as mine, and is always very apologetic and will replace/fix things as best he can, so I know it really isn't intentional, but i still get sick to fucking death of it. He even dropped my phone into the bath once. I used to always have nice wine glasses but I gave up years ago because he breaks them all.

You are allowed to be annoyed. It's fucking annoying.

Original poster
DimidDavilby · 15/08/2020 13:44

Have you posted about this before?

No butchy it only just happened.

I can't just break something of his now because he would know that it was on purpose? And then he would be, rightfully, very angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
DimidDavilby · 15/08/2020 13:45

@CarolVordermansArse I hope you are able to leave soon Flowers

OP posts: