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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband invited work colleague and son to stay

768 replies

Delatron · 14/08/2020 20:41

Just got back from holiday. Am knackered and have a mountain of washing to do. I’m working in the morning. DH has said his work colleague and son are flying back from a local airport and she’s asked if they can see us for dinner and stay over tomorrow. So one day’s notice. Then get up bloody early on Sunday to get their flight, wake us all up on the only day I get a lie in.

I mean how cheeky is this? DH has said yes. I’ve told him he can do all the beds/towels and cooking but I’m furious my chilled weekend has been taken away. He says he is just being kind and I’m so ‘hostile’.

Also the coronavirus risk? I’ve only had my parents overnight. Nobody else. We have no idea where they’ve been and whether they have been social distancing. They are not even close friends!

So am I being unfriendly and hostile?

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 19/08/2020 09:22

@pentaplanet

You need to be less hostile, aggressive, unreasonable, and selfish. Even at your age in life, you should start to learn how to be more friendly, welcoming, and hospitable. Methinks there are shades of jealousy, and thoughts of something sexual going on here in your mind?
Are you always such an arsehole?
NearlyGranny · 19/08/2020 09:23

Anyone who uses 'methinks' loses me at 'methinks'. The tone instantly becones pompous and patronising (if it wasn't already).

honeybee88 · 19/08/2020 09:53

@pentaplanet is a man!

honeybee88 · 19/08/2020 09:57

@Delatron Perhaps he has a second phone.........hhmmm....

knittingaddict · 19/08/2020 10:36

@pentaplanet is a man!

Or a surrendered wife, who knows enough about breast pads to recommend a brand?

Timekeeper2 · 19/08/2020 13:41

@pentaplanet Well you've made a right laughing stock of yourself haven't you.

Liddell · 19/08/2020 14:10

@Pentaplanet

Methinks you are the hostile, aggressive one!

honeybee88 · 19/08/2020 14:30

Ok all! Methinks...😋😂...@Delatron has left the building. So methinks (😋😂) ...we should too...thats what methinks...what do you think..@Pentaplanet (😋😂?..byeeeeee

FizzyGreenWater · 19/08/2020 15:07

Methinks you're right, honeybee.

honeybee88 · 19/08/2020 16:29

😂😂😂

Sparticuscaticus · 21/08/2020 09:31

@Delatron

I am taking all comments on board. I’m not suspecting affair either in the past or now as he is quite open with his phone. And last time I suspected I followed their messaging for quite some time. I know it’s naughty but I had reason to suspect and the constant messaging was pissing me off. But they were just work/chatty messages. Mainly her really.

I do think their relationship is too close for a work one. I have spoken to him before about this and the messages did calm right down. Months would go past.

This has just reignited my annoyance.
I was out with friends last night so no chance to chat.

Have you chatted now Delatron?

I couldn't get over how much she knew she was overstaying her welcome, during a pandemic lockdown- which she was fully aware put you at risk- and still continued.

Next time (whoever it is) who's staying too late, just say the words 'Time to call it a night we are tired. I'll ring you a taxi' or 'Time got you to go home now ..'

I agree with your plan though that she doesn't come to your house again -
'because she is pushy and outstays her welcome' and 'nobody likes her, she's unpleasant to be around' are the reasons I'd give to DH

Original poster
Delatron · 21/08/2020 10:54

Yes we did have a chat. Well more me telling him that he was out of order to put her needs before mine. That it was suspicious that he ran around like a headless chicken making place look amazing just for her.

I told him that she was rude to invite herself to stay. Especially with the whole COVID thing. She really downplayed how much trouble it would be. Basically ‘can I pop over for dinner at yours and crash as I have an early flight’ was her text!!. I said what kind of relationship did they have that she thought it was ok to send that text?
Then she turned up empty handed and still angled to stay. Just rude.

He said very little. Other than are you angry at me or her? Both! He said she’s not rude, at worst she’s just overfamiliar.

I said she’s never to darken our door again. She is his work friend and he can see her separately. Unfortunately I had had wine so it did all come out as a massive rant.

Don’t really feel like I got anywhere. I said he was completely unfair to call me hostile and unkind when she was the rude one.

He did say ‘well she does live in a different continent’. Damage is done really.

All I can think of is to have another chat when I haven’t had wine. Crux of it is, we are supposed to be a partnership. He should run it by me when inviting people over. If I don’t fancy it then that should be accepted as fine. Not him pushing and pushing it.

He’s already invited more friends over for breakfast at 9.30am on Sunday.

OP posts:
ArabellaScott · 21/08/2020 10:59

He’s already invited more friends over for breakfast at 9.30am on Sunday.

Oh my word, not again, OP?!! On a Sunday morning?!

Given last week's fiasco, that really feels like he's taking the mickey. Still a pandemic. Still should be respecting your choices in your own home.

Leeds2 · 21/08/2020 11:12

I'm not actually sure that I could tolerate living with your DH for much longer.
Either stay in bed and let him get on with it (buying the food, cooking it, cleaning up and cleaning everything when they have gone) or get up early and go out, leaving him to it.

MintyCedric · 21/08/2020 11:15

I would commit murder if I had a partner that expected me host at 9.30 on a Sunday morning!

Are they mutual friends he's invited. If not, honestly I would definitely arrange to stay elsewhere on Saturday night and not be back until Sunday afternoon.

When I was married we hosted XHs friends a fair bit, but it was a regular arrangement, I didn't mind and wasn't involved in the prep or clear up.

We'd have someone overnight about once a month and XH would either cook breakfast the following day or we'd go out.

I'd be bloody fuming in your position.

V.glad I'm single right now.

Original poster
Delatron · 21/08/2020 11:29

I do a long run every Sunday but also it’s the one day I can lie in. So lovely lie in until 9ish then out running until 11ish.

He says he’ll just get some crossiants blah blah. He’s so annoying. Yet again I’m anti social for not wanting people round at this time. I think I’ll just go for my run but that will be seen as rude!

They are more his friends but they are lovely (unlike rude women). We did have them over for breakfast about a month ago at the weekend as they were in the area.

I’m just so sick of him springing guests on me.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/08/2020 11:38

@Delatron

I do a long run every Sunday but also it’s the one day I can lie in. So lovely lie in until 9ish then out running until 11ish.

He says he’ll just get some crossiants blah blah. He’s so annoying. Yet again I’m anti social for not wanting people round at this time. I think I’ll just go for my run but that will be seen as rude!

They are more his friends but they are lovely (unlike rude women). We did have them over for breakfast about a month ago at the weekend as they were in the area.

I’m just so sick of him springing guests on me.

Much as tit-for-tat is childish, is there anything that he would hate or find an imposition?

Because he's clearly not listening to you.

OliviaBenson · 21/08/2020 11:44

Gosh he really isn't getting it is he? And he picks a day that is of most inconvenience to you. I bet if he had a sport on a Sunday instead he wouldn't be arranging such meetings.

honeybee88 · 21/08/2020 11:53

Oh bless @ Delatron we thought this was all over, but clearly not. How many years have you been married? Time to lay down the law! Write the rules down on paper and post them on fridge! But he invited them so he can cater! I would go for my run...and run ....and run.....

Original poster
Delatron · 21/08/2020 12:01

The annoying thing is he wouldn’t mind if I invited any Tom, Dick or Harry over at short notice. He’d welcome it!

So no he’s not listening still. I’m still pissed off.
Will go for my run and leave him to it I guess.

I did say after he sprung the breakfast invite on me that he has to check with me first from now on before inviting anyone over. That he was out of order to just assume I wouldn’t have plans. His response is always ‘I’ll just tell them not to come then’.

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 21/08/2020 12:02

We’ve been together 14 years. Married for 6!

He’s always loved having people over and this has grown to be more of a problem when kids arrived then friends have kids and suddenly it’s too much work to do on your own and not worth it!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/08/2020 12:24

@Delatron

The annoying thing is he wouldn’t mind if I invited any Tom, Dick or Harry over at short notice. He’d welcome it!

So no he’s not listening still. I’m still pissed off.
Will go for my run and leave him to it I guess.

I did say after he sprung the breakfast invite on me that he has to check with me first from now on before inviting anyone over. That he was out of order to just assume I wouldn’t have plans. His response is always ‘I’ll just tell them not to come then’.

Answer: 'Yes please. And next time ask first. Or you'll be cancelling that one too,'
Liddell · 21/08/2020 12:29

DH knows your Sunday routine, even if he had invited them for lunch it woudn't have been so bad.

Who wants to go to someone else's house at 9.30 am on a Sunday morning for a visit anyway!

Original poster
Delatron · 21/08/2020 12:36

I know who does! Why so early? They are doing something in the next town but why oh why so early?

He doesn’t think it’s that early since he is a robot who needs about 5 hours sleep then he springs out of bed.

OP posts:
Whoknowswhocares · 21/08/2020 12:45

The cynic in me thinks he’s deliberately invited them over at an inconvenient time and soon after the first event to reestablish his ground rules of ‘ I invite who I want, when I want and you tow the line and host them, even if you have other plans’

For this reason alone, I would dig my heels in and make him cancel.