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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how common it is for siblings not to like it other

189 replies

thedaywewillremeber · 14/08/2020 15:10

My older two really don’t get on and have said they dislike each other. I spoke to the lady who lives next door who mentioned her children also don’t like each other. My two are young adults as are hers. I would have thought my two were in the minority.

OP posts:
rebecca102 · 14/08/2020 15:13

I've seen it a lot. I don't get it cause I get on great with my siblings. It's sad. My partner can't stand his sister.

Fatted · 14/08/2020 15:16

My DH doesn't get on with his older siblings. They are technically step siblings but DH has grown up with them. They never speak. Apparently he always used to fight with SIL when they were younger, but now they get along.

I've always been really close to my siblings and DH has often says he hopes our DC are the same.

ZaraW · 14/08/2020 15:17

My brother was always the favourite (my mum and dad are dysfunctional) he bullied me and made my life hell. He died when he was 20. I don't miss him.

JenandFlo · 14/08/2020 15:19

My sibling made my life miserable growing up. I don’t see him and I sure as hell don’t miss him.

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 14/08/2020 15:21

My husband and his brother hated each other, it got pretty bad when they were in their late teens/early twenties. They tolerate each other now they are both late 30's. I was really shocked when i heard how bad things had been, I've always got on with my siblings.

PurpleMackington · 14/08/2020 15:23

Adult relationships with siblings can be complicated. There's always history there.

I have one brother a year older than me and one a year younger. We can all spend time together civilly, bit I often choose to be in the company of my younger brother whereas I dont with my older brother. We are fundamentally different people and I disagree with how he treats women, so I dont particularly like him. He doesnt particularly like me either because I refuse to be drawn into his web of lies and am honest with his girlfriends when they come to me and ask for the truth.

mbosnz · 14/08/2020 15:23

DH gets on with one very well, and not so very well with the other. With my lot, we barely tolerate each other, lol.

My two girls are thick as thieves, very strong bond, very supportive of each other, very affectionate and protective of each other. They have their moments of course, one of them has far too sharp a tongue, the other is a tad light fingered with her sister's possessions.

79andnotout · 14/08/2020 15:23

There are five of us. Four of us don't get on with one of the five, as she's really hard work and a bit of a pychopath. The rest of us get on pretty well at a distance but always argue if we have prolonged days together. We're all a bit headstrong and independent. If I needed help I could always rely on them, and vice versa, though.

missyB1 · 14/08/2020 15:24

I think it’s fairly common. I’m the youngest of six I love my siblings but often don’t like them!! We are all spread out around the UK which is probably just as well! However I would be broken hearted if anything happened to any of them.

Dh and his brother have barely spoken a word to each other in 30 years.

Geometricprince · 14/08/2020 15:26

I can't stand my brother, he's just a horrible person. Obviously it would be nice if we got along but I'm not going to ignore how awful he is just because we share the same parents.

Livpool · 14/08/2020 15:26

My brother is 10 years older than me and can't stand me or anyone else in the family. I just leave him to it

Yellow1793 · 14/08/2020 15:27

Have 2 DB. Get on well with one and just about tolerate the other one on family events. We pretty much disagree on everything. And my mum feels sorry for him.

SummerHouse · 14/08/2020 15:28

I think it's really sad when siblings don't get on but that's life I guess. Better to accept and be happy than force a close relationship.

Facefullofcake · 14/08/2020 15:28

@JenandFlo

My sibling made my life miserable growing up. I don’t see him and I sure as hell don’t miss him.
Same.
XDownwiththissortofthingX · 14/08/2020 15:29

Virtually zero contact with mine. It's not that we dislike each other, we just have absolutely nothing in common. They're all about family and kids, and I have no time whatsoever for children, so spending time around them is just a chore I'd rather avoid entirely. Don't miss them, so I don't feel like I'm missing out.

Em3978 · 14/08/2020 15:29

I always think its weird when siblings DO get on.

Bro and I are so polar opposite that you'd not know we were in any way related but for the fact we both look like each other. We only have that and our parents in common.

DH doesn't like his bro either, again polar opposites (but don't look alike at all!)

We only have one child, we're not risking another one Wink

Ishihtzuknot · 14/08/2020 15:29

It’s quite common. Just because you’re siblings doesn’t mean you have to be friends or even stay in touch with each other later on, although I’d be gutted if my children didn’t have a relationship as adults so it must be hard for you. Mine are very close but heading to the teen years so I know that could change with hormones in the mix.
I never got on with my siblings as a child, I felt like they were favoured and I was pushed aside. We don’t speak much now we’re aged between mid 20s - mid 30s. I get on with my half sister but I think that’s because we didn’t grow up in the same house. I had to share a tiny bedroom with several much younger children and had no privacy which I believe contributed to my resentment a lot. We were never close and argued constantly. It’s different for everyone though, I have friends who fought with their siblings but they’re very close now. Others who were close as children but don’t speak now.

Lonoxo · 14/08/2020 15:31

I think it comes down to shared values and also how you are parented. I don’t get on that great with one sister because she’s mean and prefers the company of her brothers to her sisters. Also, my mum was too busy running the family business and looking after a large family to correct bad behaviour and encourage supportive relationships.

FlapsInTheWind · 14/08/2020 15:32

I can't stand my sister. Being near her makes my flesh crawl.

Starbuggy · 14/08/2020 15:32

I don’t speak to my sister. I have a friend who used to not speak to one of hers, although they have reconciled now. Another friend has a brother and sister who don’t speak to each other. My parents are both from big families and each have one sibling who doesn’t speak to the rest of them.

I think it’s more common than you realise until you’re in that situation. I don’t hide the fact that I don’t speak to my sister, but I don’t broadcast it irl either.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/08/2020 15:35

Bizarre to me and something i only witness on MN. Me and all my friends speak to and see our siblings multiple times a week- don’t get me wrong we fight, disagree and shouldn’t live together- but literally couldn’t go long without contact. Imo siblings are so special, they are the only people who truly understand why we are how we are if brought up together.

Bargebill19 · 14/08/2020 15:36

Been no contact with sister for 20 years. We don’t even go to certain events/places in case she’s there although that’s more my DH than me. Before that we were Christmas only type contact.
He can’t stand either his sisters and the feeling is mutual if recent emails regarding their mother are to be believed. When his mother dies, that’s will be the end of their contact.
I also have several friends who only keep in contact with their sisters/brothers because of their parents and limit it that contact it important family events only.
You can choose your friends but not your family, seems to be very apt.

Chanjer · 14/08/2020 15:36

According to our stats 1 in 5 is a dickhead

Chickydoo · 14/08/2020 15:36

Adore my younger sister. Older brother is just very very odd. I don't dislike him, just thankfully don't see him very much. My adult kids all get on well. The boys especially, lots of hugs, banter and general brotherly love, it's lovely to see.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/08/2020 15:37

I don't know really, I get on with all my brothers (I don't have any sisters) and my DH gets on with all his siblings too