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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how common it is for siblings not to like it other

189 replies

thedaywewillremeber · 14/08/2020 15:10

My older two really don’t get on and have said they dislike each other. I spoke to the lady who lives next door who mentioned her children also don’t like each other. My two are young adults as are hers. I would have thought my two were in the minority.

OP posts:
ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 14/08/2020 16:24

I have two ds’s age 18 and 13. They love each other, but don’t always get along. We spend time together as a family, but they wouldn’t really eg sit and watch a film together without me. Technically they’re half brothers, so I don’t know if that’s part of it, as they have entirely separate extended family, rather than shared. My dad has a sister who he doesn’t speak to, and had a brother he never saw, I didn’t even know he’d past away until months after the fact. I like to think mine will keep some kind of relationship as adults.

rooarsome · 14/08/2020 16:26

I never got on with my sister when we were kids (4 years age difference) and we actively avoid each other now we are adults. I can't stand her and if she wasn't family I would have totally cut her off- as it is we still have to see each other at Christmas etc for the sake of our parents

Summergarden · 14/08/2020 16:27

Not the case for me and my sisters. We had plenty of cat fights as teenagers of course, but are pretty close now. We are chalk and cheese, all three of us so different and I know that without being related we wouldn’t be drawn to each other to become friends.

But because of the shared experiences throughout childhood, good and bad, they are amongst my closest friends. I’d trust them with anything and know there’s not a shred of jealousy between us.

On reflection, I think that the fact our parents were scrupulously fair and never ever showed any favouritism helped massively to foster the positive, caring relationships we continue to have.

My own DCs seem to constantly bicker and squabble at the moment, it’s driving me crazy. I’m clinging onto the hope that they may yet become close as they get older!

AngelicInnocent · 14/08/2020 16:30

DH disliked his older brother for things he has done to him over the years but now positively hates him for the way he has treated his parents. We don't speak, ever, even when in the same room.

My DB is lovely and we like each other. Unfortunately, my DM can be quite a trouble maker so things get a bit funny sometimes until we get chance to talk and work out what has been going on.

My DS and DD are 22 and 18. They have always got on and are good friends. They confide in each other and always look out for each other. Even when they are trying to kill each other!

GameSetMatch · 14/08/2020 16:34

I love my brother to bits, we don’t see each other often but have mostly always got on. My two children 3 and 6 are best friends they call each other best friend and love playing and being together, we have a four bedroom house so the boys could have a room each but choose to share.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 14/08/2020 16:35

I think it’s very common too. The parenting has a lot to do with it as another poster has said.

As the sayings goes, you can choose your friends but you don’t get to choose your family.

Jody21 · 14/08/2020 16:37

I've always been close to my brothers but never got on with my sister growing up. She has a completely different personality to the rest of us so we never saw eye to eye on anything. Her teenage years were rough on everyone! I have far more time for her now that we are all adults, especially since we have had families, our kids get on really well which is nice. It's the same in DH family, his brothers are all lovely, his sister is a different story though.

Squirrelblanket · 14/08/2020 16:41

Me and my sister are quite close in age and although we got on as young children we really didn't during the 'young adult' and early teenage years due to being very different people.

We are 39 and 40 now and we are close and get along well. We are still very different people and we can push each others buttons like no one else. I do often think that if she was just a friend we'd have binned each other off years ago! But our relationship is rewarding in it's own way and I'm glad I have her. (Mostly!Grin)

So I'm just saying they may get along better in future. They may not, but there you go. Hope isn't lost!

MistyIsland · 14/08/2020 16:43

One of 4!

Dislike them all (apart from the dead one can’t really dislike the dead)

Despise my older brother would rather shove pins in my eyes than see/talk to him.

I don’t mind my younger brother but wouldn’t actively seek him out

I started doing an experiment and so far neither of them have contacted me since the 30th April...which cements the ideas in my head if we move further away it really wouldn’t matter any more.

squeekums · 14/08/2020 16:44

Me and my brother estranged. We have spoken 3 times in 15 years, all this year and only over our fathers financial shit from when he died, 8 years ago. Once it's said and done and we leave the state, I probably won't speak to him again, we just very different people with different lives and he seems to have this thing about insinuating I should feel bad I wasn't about when our father died. That alone puts me off talking to him.

Dp has 2 brothers, only speaks to 1. We do christmas and Easter, all celebrations on a different day to the other brother. It saves arguments

SendHelp30 · 14/08/2020 16:46

My sister and I are really close friends and see each other a couple of times a week. Both DH and I can’t stand either of his brothers. Or his parents for that matter.

StormBaby · 14/08/2020 16:47

My own kids are quite far apart in age so have always rubbed along, in a fashion. They’re not close but there’s no arguing or fighting.
My step kids absolutely hate each other. They all punch first, ask questions later, even for minor things like accidentally brushing past each other, or wanting to sit in a particular seat, or wanting the last packet of ready salted crisps - punch. It’s awful to watch and to try and stop.

Costacoffeeplease · 14/08/2020 16:49

Very common

Palestrina20 · 14/08/2020 16:52

Thinking on the sibling relationships I know, I'd say those that get on and are close are in a small minority. I get on with my sister. She does so my head in a bit, but she's well meaning. My partner can't stand his. My kid has brothers from his dad's relationship after we divorced but they are much younger than him.

Notimeforaname · 14/08/2020 16:57

Quite normal for me. My only (older) sibling has despised me from the moment I was born. Made my life a living hell. Made my parents believe I was someone completely different. Years of counselling for me. I guess now I despise her back. Naturally.

adulthumanwoman · 14/08/2020 17:04

DH was horrifically bullied by his brother. It was amazing when I told him he could just go NC.

Illdealwithitinaminute · 14/08/2020 17:11

I like my brother a lot even though we are very different, we meet up once every month or two .

Most of my friends do not like their brothers, I did start to wonder if it was a girl/boy thing and if sisters might like each other more, but judging by this thread, often not. I know one or two friends who are close with their siblings- most of them either actively dislike them or just don't have anything in common with them.

I think if you set your heart on having another child primarily to give your existing child a sibling, you should read this thread!

AlmondsAndChocolate · 14/08/2020 17:12

It's very common. In my extended family alone there are three sets of siblings that don't get on.
I fight a lot with my younger sister and we currently aren't speaking, though that might change on the future (it's happened before). I do think we will need to go NC in the future though, we just rub each other up the wrong way.
I have an older sibling as well who I will probably not see much at all once my parents die.
I am still very glad I have my siblings because we got on well as children, I adored them both and they made my childhood fun and special.

LittleRed53 · 14/08/2020 17:12

I grew up really close to my brother (2 years older) and thinking my sister (4 years older) was just bossy and annoying.

Now, in my 30s, I have no relationship with my brother (long story but basically his fault), and my sister is my best friend.

I really wouldn't worry too much about how siblings get along as kids, as long as they're treating each other with an acceptable degree of respect.

loutypips · 14/08/2020 17:18

My dad comes from a very large family (we thought 17, but ancestry has shown up 3 or 4 more siblings). He only got on with one sister, but they only met as adults.

belvoirbeaver · 14/08/2020 17:18

I have 2 older sisters. They are close in age but there is a large gap between the middle one and me.

I think they have a closeness from time spent playing together when they were small and going out together as teens. I was still at primary school when the eldest one left home and was just too young for them to bother with.
They both have a very different view of the world to mine. One seems very angry at everything and has a "daily mail" view of the world which I can't stand. The other is almost like a second mum and now I'm in my 40s and she's in her 50s, it grates on me massively. So although there's never been any major falling out and I do see them occasionally, I don't really enjoy spending time with them.

Bananabread8 · 14/08/2020 17:22

I think it’s common. The bigger your family tends to be the more arguments fall outs.. in most cases.

EmpressJKRowlingSpartacus · 14/08/2020 17:25

My younger sister & I (4 years difference) are very close now but I mostly ignored her when we were growing up. I think we started getting on once I’d left for university. Somehow it was easier when we weren’t living in the same house.

I was a thoroughly unsociable kid though & spent most of my time in my room when at home. Thank fuck we didn’t share a room because I don’t think our relationship would ever have recovered.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 14/08/2020 17:33

I get on with mine. Sure, some have little niggles with each other from time to time but we all love each other very much. I think that we wouldn't necessarily choose each other if we were purely friends as we are very different in some respects but we get on because we make an effort to as family.

BackforGood · 14/08/2020 17:35

I think it is common for siblings to fight when they are dc.
I think it is usually easier to get on with most people when you don't live with them 24 / 7

I get on very well with my siblings but wouldn't want to live with my brother longer than a week's holiday and my sister no more than one overnight, tops.
Same with my dc - they fought a lot growing up, but would do anything for each other now as young adults.