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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how common it is for siblings not to like it other

189 replies

thedaywewillremeber · 14/08/2020 15:10

My older two really don’t get on and have said they dislike each other. I spoke to the lady who lives next door who mentioned her children also don’t like each other. My two are young adults as are hers. I would have thought my two were in the minority.

OP posts:
Beamur · 14/08/2020 20:07

My SC's are funny. DSS was always a 'cool' kid whereas his younger sister was not! She was forbidden to talk to him at school and he refused to 'friend' her on social media. They're now in their 20's and get on well Grin

oceanbreezy · 14/08/2020 20:11

Came on here to say exactly this. I don't know anyone in RL who doesn't get along with their sibling but read about it constantly on here. I find it a bit sad.

Lucky you!

My parents both have siblings that they have no contact with for various different reasons. It annoys me when people can’t seem to understand that others just aren’t as lucky and have strained relationship. Some things my parents siblings have done have been truly evil and unforgivable you wouldn’t understand. It’s hard when as children you used to see your cousins and then taken away from you. It’s a shame they didn’t put their differences aside for the children.

My own brother is not affectionate at all and can be a very difficult person. We don’t have a strained relationship but aren’t close either. It’s just one of those things.

Lordamighty · 14/08/2020 20:14

I find this subject really interesting, my DB & I don’t get on but a huge part of that is how our DM treated us.
She always played us off against each other, divide & rule if you like. You were either the devil incarnate or her favourite child ever depending on the circumstances. She over shared massively & I can see now how inappropriate it was.

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 14/08/2020 20:16

My big sister is a narcissist. She was really unkind to me growing up. Regular humiliations infront of her friends. I used to laugh it off but I hated it. Then she would give me money and take me clubbing. I used to think she was so cool. She was. But she would throw everything she did back in my face. A trait similar to my mum.
There are 5 of us and it wasn't the greatest of upbringings. There's been a lot of unhappiness and my parents have tried to make amends now that we're grown ups. I see them for the sake of my younger siblings, who I get on really well with now (lots of usual squabbles growing up though), and my kids.
My big sis "disappeared" about 10 years ago now. She's been in recent contact with my dad telling him how angry she is with us all. She has every right to be but she doesn't have the monopoly on anger in my family as I had a shit time too. Anyway she's alive and well but I'm now indifferent to her and her bullshit.
Namaste Wink

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 14/08/2020 20:18

L*ordamighty
*
That sounds really similar to my mum. And I think that's why me and my sister don't get on

Lordamighty · 14/08/2020 20:21

@LloydColeandtheCoconuts

L*ordamighty * That sounds really similar to my mum. And I think that's why me and my sister don't get on
So I have 2 DCs myself & I have been really careful not to do the same & thankfully my kids adore each other.
MayFayre · 14/08/2020 20:23

My children don’t get on at all. They’re chalk and cheese.

RedTitsMcGinty · 14/08/2020 20:24

I know very few people who get on well with their siblings. I certainly wouldn’t spend time with my sister if I wasn’t related to her. Tbh, it’s part of the reason I stopped at one child. I’d have preferred a childhood without a sibling.

Sicario · 14/08/2020 20:26

I am so done with my siblings.
I never want to see any of them again.
I wish them well in their lives, but I'm out.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 14/08/2020 20:28

I’m one of four, the two youngest are very, very close and quite close to the middle one. I’m the oldest and wouldn’t say I was close to any of them, I turn up to parties/events when required and do what I’m expected to, I don’t talk in detail about my life to them, I tell them very little, I really do have nothing in common with any of them, the age gap between me and the youngest is quite big and I’m also adopted so I guess that has some baring on it.

WatchingFromTheWings · 14/08/2020 20:43

My younger sister was bigger than me once I got to 5 years old. She was a bully and would physically attack myself and our younger sibling. As we got older she developed a nasty temper and selective memory...or just downright lie about events.

I cut her and our mother out of my life when they made a series of false allegations about me to the police 4 years ago and again 3 years ago. Best thing I ever did.

TheDoctorDances · 14/08/2020 20:48

Never got on with my sibling even from being very young. We’re now middle aged adults and still don’t click. She’s the golden child and I’m the black sheep.

summerday1975 · 14/08/2020 20:58

My sister and I never got on. Not when we were little and not now as adults. Obviously it didn’t help that I moved away from home over 20 years ago. My DH and his brother aren’t in touch because his brother doesn’t care to be in touch. No issues but just doesn’t care. This is one of the reasons we had one child only.

AzPie · 14/08/2020 21:04

I never got on with my brother (he's 3 years older than me), he made my childhood miserable - picking on me, hitting me (I have scars from some of the things he did to me). As a teenager he was really off the rails and frequently had my mum in tears which made me hate him even more.

Now we don't really speak or see each other, I moved 300 miles away from my hometown and whenever I visit my mum if he happens to be there we barely say 2 words to each other.

squeekums · 15/08/2020 06:39

I disagree with a PP who says that your siblings are the only ones who know how things were growing up together - my brother has no idea how bad things were when we were kids

Agree but from another angle.
My own father made sure my brother didn't see him hitting me. It would have scared my brother and he was the golden child. My brother was also a risk of telling someone without thinking
My father kicked me out at 15 when I told him to get his shit together and care for us kids. My father told him I ran away. My brother only learnt this year what really happened, 17 years later.

Ohffs66 · 15/08/2020 06:44

Me and DB get on ok I guess, but we aren't at all close...we'd never be friends if we weren't related we're just too different in pretty much every way. We exchange the odd text and speak maybe once or twice a year. I think it's around 2 years since I last saw him.

greytminds · 15/08/2020 06:47

I love both my siblings dearly but we are not super close best friends. My sister and I have always been close but I didn’t really have a relationship with my brother in my teens and 20s. We get on well now though, being older and having kids of similar ages.

DH is one of four and gets on well with two of the others and doesn’t speak to the other one. I am pretty close to his sister myself too.

I’m pregnant with my second child and the main motivation is for our child to have a sibling. I hope that our own reasonably positive sibling relationships are a model for our children - much like my parents closeness to theirs was for me. It does worry me that it could just be a lifelong source of conflict.

NightsIn · 15/08/2020 06:47

My brother once told me to never contact "his" family again (as in my mum and dad). My crime? Telling him to stop being bossy. We were mid 20s at the time.

I've never really gotten over it and we barely speak anymore. If he apologised, I might forgive him but he hasn't. It's hard.

We never really got on, even as young children.

shenanigans5 · 15/08/2020 06:50

Most of my friends get on pretty well with their siblings but they were close as children generally.

My sister doesn’t like me. We crack on with it for our kids (cousins). But we weren’t close or friends as children so I think that influences it a bit.

HigherFurtherFasterBaby · 15/08/2020 06:55

1 I am NC with, she makes my skin crawl, she is very much like our mother who I'm also NC with.

1 I am close to but live far away from

2 are much younger than me and I don't have any contact with them, we aren't NC as such but we just have absolutely nothing to talk about

malificent7 · 15/08/2020 06:56

I'm not close to dear sis but i love her. Tbh i think.it's natural...sibling rivalry...all trying to compete for attention and resources.

pinkprosseco · 15/08/2020 08:16

I'm really interested in everyone's stories and great thread OP.
I took for granted my three dc would get on: they did as children. Now all in their 20s they will come over for a family roast or BBQ but they don't meet up independently. And the middle dc is resentful of the youngest and feels we have helped youngest dc too much. In reality we've been completely fair. I felt sad as all my friends dc seem close but reading the posts here I realise it's quite common.

Mintjulia · 15/08/2020 08:20

I think it’s often caused by years of favouritism and differing treatment on the part of parents, or children having to compete for their parents’ time and money.

lifesnotaspectatorsport · 15/08/2020 08:28

I have one brother and we are good friends now but fought like cat and dog as teenagers. Looking back I think parenting failures definitely contributed to that - they were always comparing us and very much put us in boxes "the smart one" "the nice one" 😕

As soon as I left home our relationship improved but we only really became friendly as adults. We have different interests but quite similar personalities if that makes sense - we get on well. We live in different countries but WhatsApp often, Zoom occasionally and will visit and stay with each other for up to a week at a time (which is proof enough that we get on!!). He's very attached to my kids and a brilliant uncle.

My DH also has one brother. They don't get on so well - can manage a few hours in each other's company but then it starts to get fraught. BIL is moody, prone to manic bursts and depression, had issues with drugs etc. Has generally struggled with life and I think now a bit jealous of DH even though both had exactly the same upbringing. MIL is always trying to get them together, pretend there is a close bond but there isn't. They are rarely in touch, he's never visited us in 10+ years, no interest in our kids etc. In their case I think it's very different personalities that are the block.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/08/2020 08:33

Me and my sibling don’t get on but I wouldn’t want any harm to come to them. I still love them just don’t like them.