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Original poster

To wonder how common it is for siblings not to like it other

189 replies

thedaywewillremeber · 14/08/2020 15:10

My older two really don’t get on and have said they dislike each other. I spoke to the lady who lives next door who mentioned her children also don’t like each other. My two are young adults as are hers. I would have thought my two were in the minority.

OP posts:
pinkbalconyrailing · 14/08/2020 15:38

it's very common.
I really really don't like one if my siblings.
we don't communicate at all and are civil at family occasions. if we weren't siblings we wouldn't see each other at all.

Starfish1021 · 14/08/2020 15:38

I am very close to my older brother and having to work harder on my relationship with my younger brother for various reasons (we are all in our 30s). But overall we are really close. My husband is seems entirely indifferent to his bothers. They don’t hate each other, just don’t really have much in common and don’t really seek each other out. I think human relationships are complex and change over time.

BarbedBloom · 14/08/2020 15:39

Seems to be fairly common. Our family are our family but it doesn't mean we would necessarily be friends with them otherwise. My brother and I are chalk and cheese, nothing in common. We don't dislike each other but we don't talk often and don't see each other much.

CantThinkOfAName92 · 14/08/2020 15:40

I have 8 siblings.
1 I have nothing to do with as she's a nasty piece of work and did and said many hurtful things which me and 2 other siblings just can't forgive (other siblings too young to remember)

5 I rarely see, have different priorities than me and diff lives...won't make efforts to go visit but will get on well when we get together in family group

Last 2... Get on with, actually work with them both... occasionally text each other but not type to call up for a random chat.

I have a friend who does everything with their siblinh... Nights out, days out with kids, call each other every day, holiday together... I find it strange in a way as I aren't that close to any of my siblings. But it must be nice to have a sibling as a best friend. I'd have liked that but my sisters are all a lot younger than I am so had moved out and had kids by time they hit 10!!

Families can be strange things

nettytree · 14/08/2020 15:40

My hubby doesn't get on with his sister. Nor do I, she's a bitch. Always commenting on how rude my children are and how perfect hers are. Only have contact because of the mil. Once she has gone, I hopefully won't see her smug face again.

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/08/2020 15:44

Both my dds hate each other, 23 and 20.

Gannicusthemannicus · 14/08/2020 15:45

When my older brother is in a good mood, he is one of my favourite people in the world. When he isn't 90% of the time he is awful. Selfish, grumpy, sensitive. The world needs to suffer when he suffers. The saying of 'love your sons, raise your daughters' is very true here!

I don't hate him and it would break my heart should anything happen to him but I would never say I miss him or would specifically make time to see him.

EyeSeeWhatYouDidThere · 14/08/2020 15:48

Me and my Dsis who are closest in age didn't used to get on at all, right up till about 18mths-2yrs ago (I'm 28 and she's 22) but now we're really good friends. 6 years was too big of an age gap or too small of one for us to be close when we were younger. I get on well with our other siblings but its not a traditional sibling relationship as I'm a lot older. DH doesn't particularly get on with his sister, they're friendly when they see each other but they're really different and have little in common. He says she can be quite flighty and spoilt where I'd describe him as very grounded!

Beautiful3 · 14/08/2020 15:48

I dont like my siblings either. They both moved miles away. We are all literally living in opposite corners of the uk from each other. I dont even have any of their contact details. God knows how I'd tell them when our parents die?!

Floralnomad · 14/08/2020 15:53

I think it’s very common , my mum and her sister didn’t talk for years until my nan was dying and they managed to be civil for a few months until she died and then stopped speaking again . Our children didn’t get on at all growing up but now they are adults they seem to get on really well , probably not having to live together has helped them appreciate the other more .

namechangetheworld · 14/08/2020 15:54

Bizarre to me and something i only witness on MN.

Came on here to say exactly this. I don't know anyone in RL who doesn't get along with their sibling but read about it constantly on here. I find it a bit sad.

There's 9 years between my brother and i and we are at very different stages in our lives. He's a single lad living in a bachelor lad climbing the career ladder. I'm a married SAHM. We still make an effort to see each other and get along well when we do. He's the only person in the the world who knows what it was like to grow up with our controlling, overbearing DM and distant DF so we will always have a bond. DH and his sister are polar opposites but still get along well and are always there for each other if needed.

We're trying to raise our DDs to be close, and they currently love each other to bits. I'd be gutted if they grew apart when they are older.

simitra · 14/08/2020 15:56

Family relationships are often fraught with long and bitter histories made up of resentments, jealousies, rivalries, secrecies and unresolved issues, none of which ever is discussed.

Sibling rivalries are often the most intense in family relationships.

My sister was the "preferred" child with my parents. She was outstandingly pretty and of average intelligence. I was plain and much too clever. She used her power to constantly snitch and get me into trouble for both real and imagined wrongs. I owe many a beating from my father to the fact that she was automatically believed.

As adults we have never been friends and communicate only when we absolutely have to.

TheWildOnesNeverDie · 14/08/2020 15:57

I am a twin and we aren’t close at all, still say hello every few months or so but we are just very different people!

My sister on the other hand is pure evil and I will never ever speak to her again. She is a toxic, self centred hateful person, who can’t stand anyone else being in control of their own life.

I don’t get why people think having kids will mean they will all like each other.

Drinkingallthewine · 14/08/2020 16:06

I don't get along with my sister. We are very different and I find her vain, selfish, shallow, materialistic and manipulative. She's stolen from me before and I could not be arsed with her any more.
My mother constantly tries to engineer friendship and closeness but it's always me the pressure is on, not the one causing all the drama. Finally in my thirties I just had enough.
I get on brilliantly with the other siblings. And the funny thing is that literally every spouse of siblings and my own DH thinks that sister is a cunt.

D4rwin · 14/08/2020 16:08

I don't like mine. My husband says he's ok with his but they totally exclude him from most things.

Curioushorse · 14/08/2020 16:09

So I was really close to my brother growing up. He’s a lovely person and we got on really well.

However......his wife is really difficult. She does have some fairly obvious ‘issues’, and struggles with people in general. She has made it repeatedly clear that she thinks I’m not good enough for them, and just blanks me etc. After ten+ years of it, I actually can’t be bothered any more. I know I should feel sorry for her- but she’s just such hard work, unfortunately I dread being anywhere near them.

There is some truth to the ‘they’re better than us’ thing. They are wealthy, and my brother has been extremely successful in his career. He’s an expert in his field and a niche celebrity. This I also think has made it difficult for him to communicate with us - and in fact most people. I think, despite the fact that he’s nice, he genuinely does know more than the majority of the population (including us), has a publicly perceived ‘important’ job, and is treated with respect everywhere he goes because of it. I think he therefore does find it difficult not to look down on us, and we don’t like being looked down on. It’s very sad- but I don’t like feeling like that every time I’m around him- so I don’t really want to see them.

riotlady · 14/08/2020 16:12

I didn’t think it was that common! I love my little sister and DP gets on well with his, but they fought like cats and dogs when they were kids.

Thinking through my closest friends-

5 only children, 3 of them love it, the other 2 have caring responsibilities for their parents and wish there was someone to share the load
1 of 3 sisters, close in age- all madly competitive and fight all the time
1 of 2 sisters, close in age- super close and live together
1 of 3- much older brother and sister, then my friend is the youngest- she gets on with both her siblings and they get on with her, but hate each other
1 of 3- two older brothers then my friend- all very close.
1 of 2 (younger brother)- friendly but don’t spend much time together

angelofthelight · 14/08/2020 16:14

I don't get on with my sister but I'll be civil if we are around one another.

notalwaysalondoner · 14/08/2020 16:15

I get on very well with both my siblings. My mum has a super close family too. But my father doesn’t speak to one of his sisters and nobody likes the other one.

Thinking through my closest friends:

  • Friend A has one brother and one sister and close to them both, more so the sister
  • Friend B has two sisters, again close
  • Friend C has one brother, moderately close
  • Friend D has two sisters, very close
  • Friend E has one sister, they’re quite close

Come to think of it I don’t think I have a single close friend who strongly dislikes a sibling, and nobody who is no contact. We’re 30ish.

WingingItSince1973 · 14/08/2020 16:18

My younger brother made me life a misery growing up and then as an adult he was awful to my parents but they were always bailing him out and letting him off things they would have not me. He sadly was murdered 14 years ago next week and although I didnt have that much to do with him the last few months of his life, I had just had a baby too, I desperately miss him in my life and wouldn't wise what he went through on my worst enemy. We just look back fondly on the good times when he wasn't drinking and wasn't being destructive. He was pampered as hell as a kid and adult yet was the one who was hell bent on self destruction 😔 I have step brother and sister but never see them. I am closer to my husbands siblings. They all are very close x

YesILikeItToo · 14/08/2020 16:20

When my mother is rending her garments about not ‘giving’ me a sibling I have been known to point this out. The question of me ‘having to do it all alone’ in relation to her old age seems to particularly vex her, but I rarely hear stories of siblings cheerfully sharing this burden. Certainly not in our own family at the very least.

FastFood · 14/08/2020 16:20

I adore my sisters.
Had a complicated relationship growing up with the older one, which settled into adulthood, and the younger is and has always been my best friend.
I'm so happy that I have them in my life.

It's a pattern in my family, siblings are all really close. Maybe because the family is quite small, dunno.
And funny enough, it's also a pattern among my friends, there are have several pairs of siblings.
So for me, being thick as thieves with your sibling is the standard model.

Itsagrandoldteam · 14/08/2020 16:21

I absolutely adore my sister, but I also have brothers and another sister whom I can't stand. They really are just horrible people, selfish and only interested in themselves, it's hard to believe that we have the same parents.

notheragain4 · 14/08/2020 16:22

My sons, 9 and 6, do not get on, never have. And it makes family life so stressful. I wish they would just leave each other alone but DS2 always wants to provoke a reaction (I think because he hates that eldest doesn't give him attention)

We are at the end of our tether with it, it honestly breaks my heart. I understand they don't have to like each other, but I wish they could be civil. They are lovely apart, but together they're so draining to be around.

Any advice very much welcome!!!

DorotheaHomeAlone · 14/08/2020 16:23

I hear this so much on MN and really don’t see it reflected in real life. All the sibling groups I know, adult and child, get on great with the exception of one or two very difficult individuals.