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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peeved that my kids refuse to be tested for Covid!

300 replies

sadpapercourtesan · 14/08/2020 11:45

We've been asked to be part of the testing programme as a family - we'd be tested every week for 5 weeks, then every month for 12 months. DH and I want to do it, particularly the antibody test as we'd like to know whether we've got immunity. Our boys (16 and nearly 18) refuse; DS1 doesn't fancy the nose swab and DS2 says he'd rather not know! So that's that Sad

Obviously it's their choice to make, but I'm peeved that DH and I won't get to participate now, as it has to be the whole family. Grrr.

OP posts:
Isinknot · 15/08/2020 06:46

It's a couple of swabs, not donating a kidney! Confused

Oblomov20 · 15/08/2020 07:00

Can't believe some people are so .... insensitive? Stupid? Just because the test wasn't that bad for you, you must have heard that for others it was extremely unpleasant.
Can you not grasp this?

PrincessBuggerPants · 15/08/2020 07:04

If they don't consent they don't consent. You can't coerce them.

squeekums · 15/08/2020 08:39

@Isinknot

It's a couple of swabs, not donating a kidney! Confused
Point is They have bodily autonomy and that should be the standard. No means no. No medical procedure is an obligation. Not even for research, civic duty or even to save a life. It's a choice that should be respected, yes or no.
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/08/2020 08:57

@squeekums I'm so sorry you feel like that. I can understand a little bit how you feel, I have a severe phobia of needles (even typing this is making my heart race) and, as a consequence of that, hospitals. Before lockdown my GP suggested I go for an over 40s check up and I started crying and hyperventilating at the thought. She tore up the referral.

It annoyed me when people say 'l don't like needles' or 'l don't like hospitals'. It's not a case of not liking, it's abject terror. I discharged myself from hospital with pancr

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/08/2020 08:59

Hit post too soon.

I discharged myself from hospital with pancreatitis as I in such a state. I somehow managed to have the antibiotic and then I left. To most people (even me if I'm feeling rational!) that's stupid but I couldn't help it at the time

PhilCornwall1 · 15/08/2020 09:14
  • They have bodily autonomy and that should be the standard. No means no. No medical procedure is an obligation. Not even for research, civic duty or even to save a life. It's a choice that should be respected, yes or no.*

Agree 100%

I'm on a specific drug for a condition I have and was asked to take part in specific research whilst taking it, which I didn't like the idea of once explained to me what it was. The specialist nurse did try to push the civic duty and moral obligation guilt trip on me quite heavily, which was out of order.

Someone's decision on matters like this should be respected even if you don't agree with it.

CouldBeOuting · 15/08/2020 10:52

I’m intrigued by the amount of people saying they were left with bleeding noses. I was specifically told that if my nose bled then the test would be invalid and I would have to start again with a fresh test once any bleeding stopped.

All my tests have been self administered with the first one being supervised to see that I did it right.

Lweji · 15/08/2020 11:06

[quote Isinknot]@Lweji As you think I'm talking rubbish, please educate me as to why.

I'm not being goady. I can admit that being judgemental can be a fault of mine, and am always willing to learn.[/quote]
You can reread my first reply to you and what I've posted earlier about ethics and the right to say no to research.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 11:11

@PhilCornwall1

* They have bodily autonomy and that should be the standard. No means no. No medical procedure is an obligation. Not even for research, civic duty or even to save a life. It's a choice that should be respected, yes or no.*

Agree 100%

I'm on a specific drug for a condition I have and was asked to take part in specific research whilst taking it, which I didn't like the idea of once explained to me what it was. The specialist nurse did try to push the civic duty and moral obligation guilt trip on me quite heavily, which was out of order.

Someone's decision on matters like this should be respected even if you don't agree with it.

I really hope you formally complained about both of them because that was extremely unprofessional of both of them. All they are supposed to do is explain what's involved, ask, answer questions if you have them and take yes or no for an answer.
PhilCornwall1 · 15/08/2020 11:24

I really hope you formally complained about both of them because that was extremely unprofessional of both of them. All they are supposed to do is explain what's involved, ask, answer questions if you have them and take yes or no for an answer.

I guess not so much formally, but I did request I never see them again and did also talk to my consultant about it on my next appointment.

The specialist nurse I have now is excellent.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 15/08/2020 11:35

@PhilCornwall1

I really hope you formally complained about both of them because that was extremely unprofessional of both of them. All they are supposed to do is explain what's involved, ask, answer questions if you have them and take yes or no for an answer.

I guess not so much formally, but I did request I never see them again and did also talk to my consultant about it on my next appointment.

The specialist nurse I have now is excellent.

Good! They were way over the line.
vodkaredbullgirl · 15/08/2020 12:13

I will be glad when I dont get tested every bloody week.

Madcats · 15/08/2020 14:52

@sadpapercourtesan is this the ONS study? We've just had the letter inviting us to participate and it looks to me as if the children can opt out if they wish to.

DD is easily lured by some free vouchers (I presume that they are for iTunes or Love to Shop) so we all plan to participate.

We've joked that having somebody visit our house once a week to collect tests etc will encourage us to be a bit tidier!

Pre-lockdown DD was very sporty and I think it would be really helpful for us to know if we have already been ill and, once she is back at school and is socialising more, we can take swift action to protect others even if we have no symptoms.

If one of us gets ill I would much rather have the GP informed and have them give us the latest treatments. Some of our friends had a very miserable time with covid back in February/March.

Redolent · 15/08/2020 15:03

Young people are the ones driving the rate of infections at the moment. If they’re also the ones refusing tests, then the ONS survey becomes increasingly inaccurate. It’s their choice still of course.

Lweji · 15/08/2020 15:17

What exactly is the NOS survey for?

As far as I can tell test and tracing isn't being done in the UK, and this survey seems like a waste of resources.

Lweji · 15/08/2020 15:17

ONS, sorry.

Madcats · 15/08/2020 15:36

@Lweji (I am summarising 12 pages) The Office for National Statistics and Oxford Uni want to involve 220,000 different households in a study over the next year (I think some have been involved for a while, but that might be a different study). They have been selected at random from an Ordnance Survey address database.

In our instance (but it might be everybody?) they seem to be particularly interested in what happens when kids go back to school.

They have asked to take a blood sample to check for antibodies (optional, to see if we have already been exposed) and then we are to be taught how to take test swabs ourselves at home. The study worker will visit us weekly for a month to collect them and ask about how we have socialised/met other households etc. After that first month we will continue to take swabs once/month. If we test positive our GP/we will get a call/email and we'll be in the Track and Trace system.

If it helps local schools stay open safely, and enables DD to continue doing sport, I am all for it.

squeekums · 15/08/2020 16:21

@PinkSparklyPussyCat It annoyed me when people say 'l don't like needles' or 'l don't like hospitals'. It's not a case of not liking, it's abject terror. I discharged myself from hospital with pancr

Thanks, yeah that's it, I'm sorry you get it, id rather no one did lol But yeah sheer terror is exactly it. I know it's not rational but it's uncontrollable.
What annoys me most is when someone says 'oh I don't like needles, you just gotta look the other way" like i hadnt tried that.

I actually had the head midwife threaten me with dd removal if I refused a blood test for me, not dd, but me. I lost my shit at that point and still refused. Not long after they demanded I see a counselor who sided with me, much to their disapproval and I was allowed my early discharge.

@PhilCornwall1 The specialist nurse I have now is excellent
that's good to hear. How dare someone try guilt you like that

CeibaTree · 15/08/2020 16:42

@Lweji

What exactly is the NOS survey for?

As far as I can tell test and tracing isn't being done in the UK, and this survey seems like a waste of resources.

I hardly think the ONS and Oxford University would be doing a study that is a waste of resources - maybe google the study and learn more about it?
JillBob · 15/08/2020 17:39

16 and 18 year olds clearly have their own minds. Surely you should be celebrating the fact they can think for themselves no matter how annoying it is for you to not participate in a trial...

FelicisNox · 15/08/2020 17:45

YANBU but as you say, it's their choice.

They either don't care about peace of mind and the governments ability to track the amount of people who've had it (much like a concensus) or they don't get it.

You would also be amazed to hear how many young people think it's all a big fake government conspiracy theory.

GertiMJN · 15/08/2020 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GertiMJN · 15/08/2020 17:52

Oops wrong thread Blush

Susan1961 · 15/08/2020 18:17

😂😂