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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be peeved that my kids refuse to be tested for Covid!

300 replies

sadpapercourtesan · 14/08/2020 11:45

We've been asked to be part of the testing programme as a family - we'd be tested every week for 5 weeks, then every month for 12 months. DH and I want to do it, particularly the antibody test as we'd like to know whether we've got immunity. Our boys (16 and nearly 18) refuse; DS1 doesn't fancy the nose swab and DS2 says he'd rather not know! So that's that Sad

Obviously it's their choice to make, but I'm peeved that DH and I won't get to participate now, as it has to be the whole family. Grrr.

OP posts:
InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 20:39

@missmouse101

I am currently working on this ONS study and reassurance is often what the children need. It's their natural knee jerk reaction to say no but explaining, encouraging them to watch the technique video and suggesting just trying giving it a go as it's so important, is well worthwhile. Of the children in the households that are participating, NONE have dropped out and none are uncomfortable or bothered by the technique. It's really important to participate for accurate statistics!
They're 16 and 18! They said NO. FFS. Cannot believe people still think it's acceptable to try to persuade people who say NO to medical procedures and tests on their bodies. What a fucked up way to set an example about boundaries and respect for one's self and body.

It's important to participate if you want. IF you want. They don't! End of.

Fucking hell. We should be applauding our children when they make decisions about what they want on their own body, stand by them and make their boundaries clear. I'm so glad I did with mine, it came out recently that some teen girls in an activity my daughter does had been groomed. She volunteered that she'd been made to feel uncomfortable about something regarding her body and simply said NO and kept repeating it, because that's what we, her parents taught her, 'Your body is yours and you decide who touches it, how they do, and when they do. If you don't like or want contact, you can say NO, at any time.'

Fucking appalling indeed, Piata. How quickly people are willing to throw out self-determination and boundaries of their own children.

Singinghollybob · 14/08/2020 20:44

I had a test this morning, found the throat swab fine but can see how it would make some people gag.
The nose swab on the other hand, bloody hell there's no way I could go through that again. The nurse pushed the swab so far to the back of the nasal cavity it poked through to my brain I'm sure. Walked out of the room with blood dripping from both nostrils

It was very brutal

OnTheFencePaint · 14/08/2020 21:25

There’s a big leap between reassuring someone about a test, and gently encouraging them to do it as the country needs people to do for national research, and priming them to be groomed for sex.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:29

@OnTheFencePaint

There’s a big leap between reassuring someone about a test, and gently encouraging them to do it as the country needs people to do for national research, and priming them to be groomed for sex.
Not as big a leap as equating having a medical test you don't want to have and don't need or require and teaching toddlers not to piss on the floor Hmm.

They don't need gentle encouragement, that would be if they asked for it or asked for clarification as they were unsure of what to decide. They have decided. They said NO. They are not lab rats.

Lweji · 14/08/2020 21:29

Can you bribe them?

Well you could but you shouldn't. I was asked (by the government) to take part in some Covid research, we were offered a £50 Amazon voucher

£50 in the UK isn't considered a bribe, just compensation for time lost, etc.

It would be different in a developing country, where £50 could be a month's wages or more, for example.

A bribe should be an amount that would change somebody's mind about participating in the research. It shouldn't encourage people who otherwise would say no.

If you had said that you had participated because you needed the money, ethically, you should be turned down.

One reason it's in vouchers and not money, usually.

Seeleyboo · 14/08/2020 21:34

What kind of.tests have people had. Horrible. Horrendous. Painful. Traumatic. Wtf. My 3 year old had the test..didn't flinch. Wasn't sick. Didn't cry out in pain..ffs. get a grip. All.of you

SleepingStandingUp · 14/08/2020 21:36

@Seeleyboo

What kind of.tests have people had. Horrible. Horrendous. Painful. Traumatic. Wtf. My 3 year old had the test..didn't flinch. Wasn't sick. Didn't cry out in pain..ffs. get a grip. All.of you
Whoop de do for your kid. Genuinely. Happy it wasn't traumatic. But when people are clearly telling you they left with bleeding noses, it made them sick etc it suggests they had a different experience and reaction to your 3 yo, not that they're not as good as your child
Isinknot · 14/08/2020 21:39

I'm trying to imagine if I'd tried adopting this attitude at 16... my Mum wouldn't have been happy either.

Mind you, I wouldn't have been that much of a selfish brat.

missmouse101 · 14/08/2020 21:45

OP, where have you gone?

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 14/08/2020 21:46

@Isinknot

I'm trying to imagine if I'd tried adopting this attitude at 16... my Mum wouldn't have been happy either.

Mind you, I wouldn't have been that much of a selfish brat.

And the Oscar for nonsense virtue signalling goes to . . .

Here, have a Star.

Lweji · 14/08/2020 21:47

@Isinknot

I'm trying to imagine if I'd tried adopting this attitude at 16... my Mum wouldn't have been happy either.

Mind you, I wouldn't have been that much of a selfish brat.

No decent scientist ever would call someone who refuses to enter a study a "selfish brat".

Anyone insulting or trying to force others to participate are the ones acting like brats. Or bullies.

Isinknot · 14/08/2020 21:48

You're so kind. Smile

We're all entitled to opinions.

Lweji · 14/08/2020 21:53

Yes, we're all entitled to opinions. Even when they are stupid.

TrickyKid · 14/08/2020 21:57

You do the swabs yourself and it's fine, not like the clips I've seen in tv. It's well worth it for £50 each.

Namechangr9000 · 14/08/2020 22:02

Me and my 10 yo had tests a few weeks ago (both negative) . He didnt make much fuss, I nearly gagged and found it really unpleasant but would do for peace of mind if requested.

Isinknot · 14/08/2020 22:04

@Lweji As you think I'm talking rubbish, please educate me as to why.

I'm not being goady. I can admit that being judgemental can be a fault of mine, and am always willing to learn.

boredwithit · 14/08/2020 22:10

Are you sure it's got to be the whole family? My letter said it was but when I rang up to ask some questions they said it doesn't actually have to be everyone.

PiataMaiNei · 14/08/2020 22:13

@Isinknot

I'm trying to imagine if I'd tried adopting this attitude at 16... my Mum wouldn't have been happy either.

Mind you, I wouldn't have been that much of a selfish brat.

Perhaps being raised by someone who wouldn't accept your right to consent to medical research has done a number on your boundaries.
Isinknot · 14/08/2020 22:15
Hmm
Isinknot · 14/08/2020 22:18

@PiataMaiNei Great attempt at education, cheers for that.

PiataMaiNei · 14/08/2020 22:19

[quote Isinknot]@PiataMaiNei Great attempt at education, cheers for that.[/quote]
HTH.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/08/2020 22:23

We’re on that test programme.

We do the test ourselves weekly. OK it’s not pleasant, but the discomfort is only momentary.

squeekums · 15/08/2020 06:09

Mind you, I wouldn't have been that much of a selfish brat.

How is bodily autonomy a selfish ideal? A person's body is not public property.
We own our body, there is NO OBLIGATION to be a lab rat. For ANY medical issue. Hell it's even a choice to donate blood, even if you not donating will kill someone.

Its downright disgusting how many think their kid isn't allowed bodily autonomy No means No. End of discussion

squeekums · 15/08/2020 06:22

What kind of.tests have people had. Horrible. Horrendous. Painful. Traumatic. Wtf. My 3 year old had the test..didn't flinch. Wasn't sick. Didn't cry out in pain..ffs. get a grip. All.of you

Think yourself bloody lucky your kid has no medical fears or phobias. Even the mere thought of the test leaves me shaking.

I was held down by several people as a 10yr old for the MMR vaccine due to my needle phobia from a needle at 7yo.
I broke free and broke the Drs nose out of sheer terror. Now, I will not consent to any test, treatment or whatever unless I'm on deaths door with limb hanging off.
I was released after having dd on mental health grounds, the hospital and staff were triggers, their actions made it worse
Medical procedures are my kryptonite. Never will I choose for me or force my kid to be in a research project.

PhilCornwall1 · 15/08/2020 06:43

@Sunflowerlover20

How can anyone say it’s selfish!

It’s THEIR body and if they don’t want to then it’s up to them! Angry

In these days of covid, you apparently now have to give a toss about people you don't know and consider them in every decision you make.

If you don't, the "selfish mob" jump on you.

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