I talk too much, help!

[WanderingFruitWonderer]

This isn't really an AIBU, but I didn't really know where to post.
I talk too much. I get anxious, can't self-regulate, and sometimes I make such a fool of myself. I fear I'm turning into Miss Bates, of Jane Austen's Emma.
Has anyone else had this problem and overcome it? How did you achieve that? It's really getting me down. Thank you

Bless you not familiar with Miss Bates....are other people telling you this or is this an increasing awareness about yourself. Either way give yourself a break....you sound lovely and intelligent I am sure there is nothing going on there that you can't regain your sense of peace and confidence in yourself.

Thank you Bearnecessity for such a kind comment. Other people do comment on it sometimes, and I'm very aware of it. I'd love to be a mysterious, silent type. But I'm a ridiculous open book! I just don't know how to control it

I don't have the answer, just the same problem!

Meditation. Honestly, it makes you appreciate the silence, so you don't feel obliged to fill it with noise.

Thank you AlltheRs you have my empathy! Comforting to know I'm not the only one.

Thank you MitziK I should try harder to meditate. Other people have recommended it too. Any techniques you'd recommend? I must commit more to it

I love chatty people. I'm very talkative and I'm pretty sure that my DSs some people find it annoying but I try not to worry about them.

My dad can also talk the hind leg off a donkey. Our family motto should be "Why use one word, when you can use one hundred"!

Heading slightly off topic but being chatty as usual! ... During lockdown I started doing voluntary work for my local hospital including spending time with lonely patients. My ability to talk to anyone about anything (even while wearing full PPE) comes in very handy there!

I like chatty people. I immediately feel at home with them.

My colleague talks too much. She does catch herself on sometimes when she has to leave a phone message and goes on and on and on.

I fear I'm turning into Miss Bates, of Jane Austen's Emma.

Well, if you talk incessantly about nineteenth-century novels, I wouldn't have an issue with you.

I’m a silent introvert with very little in the way of small talk. I absolutely love chatty people like you. It takes the stress off me having to think of something to say.
The only time I’ve observed chatty people being annoying is when a shyer person is trying to say something and the chatty person cuts right across them and interrupts them. Don’t do that. But otherwise, keep on being chatty.

Aww, thank you QueenOfToast and Diana You'd both like me then! I take chatty to a whole new level!
Recently I've caught a few people make fun of me for it. I'm sensitive too, and have felt desperate to change. I talk quickly too.
But I LOVE your attitude to your own chattiness Queen. I'd love to be able to embrace mine the way you do.
Historically, talkative women have been mocked, and silent types always applauded. That's part of the problem. Maybe chatty women should unite?! Though I'd like to find a balance for myself. Thank you all so much though. I'm already feeling less upset about my problem.

Aww, bless you Ardsallagh. Yep, I'm all about 19th-century novels! I could give you a one-woman documentary on the subject, and frequently do! Oh dear!
Thank you OverUnder and I love silent people like you!
Yes, hopeishere my phone messages are absolutely disastrous!

OP.. I'm exactly the same.. But as I am nearing 60 l really don't care what people think about me! My DM said I was born talking... I ve used my chatty Ness to help others.. (so they've said)
My DH is very quiet.. But we are a good team.. 30yrs married.. I have very good friends who except me warts and all..
Love yourself...
BTW I never feel the need to criticise quiet people...

I thought my DH had posted this when I saw the title! He talks alllllllll the time but what we’ve realised (in lockdown) is that he likes to narrate his own life (stuff like “I’m just washing the pots. After that I’ll go and check the garden. I want to see if that shrub is doing any better” etc etc until he is going, and then he says “I’m going into the garden now. I want to see if that shrub is doing any better” then he comes back in and says “I’ve just been to see if that shrub is doing any better”) There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s a useful insight for him to realise what he does. What do you tend to talk about? Do you think out loud, or express worries? Do you repeat yourself, or say the same thing in three different ways? Do you talk very quickly? Yes, it could mean you’re anxious but it could also be that you’re very quick minded.

I talk a lot less than I used to. In my job I have to listen a lot, and that’s made me choose my words with greater care. Meditation has been suggested, and that’s a great idea. You could also try making sure at the beginning of a meet up/call, just to say “Not bad” if you’re asked how you are or how it’s going and immediately switch the focus to the other person. Let them talk about their stuff and just give minimal, supportive replies. Later in the conversation, when you’re talking, try to keep it brief, and just see how this whole experience feels. It’s a chance to practise a different way of interacting. You might decide you really hate doing that and instead will just celebrate who you are, or you might decide to have a go at being less chatty.

If it’s any consolation, I think it’s easier to become less chatty than to become a chatty person if you’re naturally quiet and reserved.

OP I feel your pain. I do as a pp does and narrates everything. Its annoying and I dont know how to stop myself from doing it.

I'm a really quiet introvert but my anxiety kicks in in social situations and I over talk and over share and always come away feeling like an utter moron. I fill silences with anything and open up more than I'm comfortable with.
I also do this awful thing where someone will share something with me and I'll say 'yes that's like the time this happened to me bla bla bla'. It's my clumsy way of trying to say I understand how you feel, I've been through similar, I'm listening, I empathise and I care but instead I just feel selfish and like I've shut them down.
Aaaaah!
I have no advice on how to improve but as an anxious open book with verbal diarrhoea you have my sympathy (and we'd probably get on so well!)

I also ask loads of questions. Just thinking about myself makes me cringe into a ball of shame.

Thank you Marylou62 you're a wonderful example. I love that you embrace it, and see it as a good thing in yourself. I'd love to not worry about what others think. There are definitely advantages to it I know. If I see someone in a room who looks left out or excluded, I'm always able to chat to whomsoever, and hopefully make them welcome. That's a good side of it. I just don't know when to stop! I also never criticise quiet people. I love quiet types, and am somewhat in awe of them

Thank you LouLou789 your DH and I sound like kindred spirits! I also narrate a lot. Even when I'm alone.
I do pretty much all the things you say - I talk very quickly, repeat myself, say things multiple times in multiple ways, and on & on. I'm a verbal catastrophe tbh.
Yes, I think meditation may be the way forward. Thank you so much for your helpful response.

I was thinking of starting an thread on this! My main problem is babbling and oversharing especially when talking to mums at the school gate and colleagues at work. I really wish I could stop.

Thank you Iwantacookie. Always helps to feel less alone. Maybe we should form a support group? I wonder how many of us uncontrollable chatty folks there are out there?

I'm the same

I love chatty people as I am the complete opposite. Sometimes it makes me anxious spending time with people and I literally cannot think of a thing to say. I am perfectly content to let someone else warble away and take the pressure off me.

Broom I do the same thing! Try to relate something from my experience to whatever the person is talking about but just end up making it all about me I hate myself afterwards.

I have ADHD (non hyperactive) and am like this. For me it's a symptom of it. I don't mind though, I quite like the way I am although I should work harder at not interrupting people.

Are you also forgetful, hopelessly disorganised, have a million unfinished projects and are never on time for anything?

The giving your own experience when someone shares theirs, and people getting annoyed with this is apparently a classic "how the neurodiverse brain works" thing.