I talk too much, help!

[WanderingFruitWonderer]

This isn't really an AIBU, but I didn't really know where to post.
I talk too much. I get anxious, can't self-regulate, and sometimes I make such a fool of myself. I fear I'm turning into Miss Bates, of Jane Austen's Emma.
Has anyone else had this problem and overcome it? How did you achieve that? It's really getting me down. Thank you

Why thank you, Marylou, but I can assure you, it's largely emulation as opposed to education!

We seem to have many parallels - I went to a comp too and dropped out after the compulsory years. Went back to study much later and have had a few careers (and picked up some useful qualifications) but I can safely say I'm still finding my way in the world!

Yes, I think working with children is a great career choice for talkative people with interesting personalities! I also think nursing, as with other medical areas, benefits massively from having different types of thinkers - I imagine that there have been times when you've approached problems in different ways from colleagues and that your fresh angle has benefitted patients.

This is me too! I’m trying really hard just now to talk less and listen more.

I’m worse when anxious and sometimes have a little voice I’m my head as I’m rambling on saying, “WouldBeGood, please stop talking?!”

I do like the random chats with strangers though, and seem to inspire people to tell me their life story immediately too 😃

I hope so Longines..I can certainly advocate for my patients..One of the little children I cared for was non verbal and blind so I kept up a steady stream of chatter/nursery rhymes to him..his DM filmed it as I could make him smile sometimes..Yay! we caught a smile on video which is precious because he died not long after..But..she likes/liked to show the video which is mortifying because I sound like a loony!!
I can burst into song too which given my terrible voice is a tad embarrassing when I didn't know that parents were around..

Have any of you got a Ddog? That's a brilliant way to have random chats with strangers!

Well..this won't get the Ddog walked, dinner cooked or washing folded..I've had a very busy few weeks.. 50+ hours.. So have enjoyed our chat..and a lazy morning (resting my feet as have terrible Plantar Fascitis)
Sun is out after thick sea mist for 10+ days..(North Cornwall)
Must leave now but looking forward to logging back in and catching up with you all..

Just before I go here's a photo of where I live.. My Ddogs there somewhere.. Hope it's not too outing.?!

That's lovely about your patient, Marylou - it's so great to be able to put your own inhibitions to one side for such a meaningful and valuable reason - most people wouldn't be able to do that, especially in that setting, because adult social convention often kicks in and reminds adults it's a sombre time, whereas that "socially appropriate" solemn attitude is the last thing that dying children or their families need from staff. I definitely think that having an interesting mind helps the flow of conversation where others might be really uncomfortable - it sounds like you've found the perfect vocation to leverage your social strengths!

Have any of you got a Ddog? That's a brilliant way to have random chats with strangers!

Not a dog, but I do talk to my pets...unfortunately for them, they're in a tank, so there's no escape from my musings!

I also find journaling (either in notebooks or on my phone) a very satisfying way to get my thoughts out of my head while sparing other people!

Thankyou so much for that Longines. I Don't do it any more..When that Darling little boy died it broke my heart..You're not meant to get too involved but really?? I cared for him for 18mths, 30+ hours a week and the rest..We'd(our team) lost a few other children too and I couldn't do it any more..10 years tho..I'm very proud of myself and my chatting that allowed me to do that kind of work..
I nanny now for 2 kids for 2 Surgeons.

Hi OP,

You sound like such a lovely person, kind, warm and genuine.
There are some talkative people I have met who only care about themselves and talk over others and don’t listen to anyone else - you have demonstrated clearly this is not you at all. The way you write taking into consideration everyone’s responses shows how thoughtful you are.

I am naturally a quiet person and I struggle to make small talk with people unless I know them well and feel comfortable. When I know people well I can chat away quite happily. With strangers I clam up, I instantly think they see me as weird (some do!) and I get anxious about what to say. You sound like a lifesaver to me in this situation, you would put me at my ease.
I had my hair cut recently and I hate going to the hairdressers because of the small talk thing and not knowing what to say with the added discomfort of having the focus on me and looking at myself in the mirror! The hairdresser was so chatty and lovely (like you) it made the whole experience a breeze! (Apart from the haircut being a disaster but that’s another story at least she was really nice!)

OP, as long as you are not continually talking at people but also listening to them and are not completely ruling the conversation the whole way through I think you are fine. The fact you are aware of being chatty is a good thing so you can gauge how the other person is reacting.
I have found it interesting to hear that you have your own anxieties about being talkative. From my perspective I often think chatty people are so confident but I now realise this isn’t necessarily the case.

I’m a quiet one who likes writing long texts and emails as you can see! That’s my version of chatting which I prefer more than face to face interaction.

Stay as the lovely person you are OP, just continue to be aware of how others respond to you and leave plenty of space for listening too.

Another who has found her people. I’m a narrator who constantly talks through tasks at work which drives my colleagues mental at times. However they are lovely about it when I have asked a question then look up and around at them as they haven’t answered and they give me the “oh you were actually talking to us”
They say I’m like a low level radio on in the background

If they don't fully hear me out or don't know me that well, they'll go away from that conversation thinking "I just tried to pour my heart out about my bitch boss and Longines just went on about The Animals of Farthing Wood, WTF?".

Ha ha. I do this sort of thing too

Where you live looks lovely and peaceful Marylou. Where I live it's also quiet and I have also considered getting a dog so I have an excuse to chat to the very few people I see (who all have dogs). Really I should live in a town. My Dad was a chatter and he'd take hours to pop to the high street because he would have so many random chats with people he saw on the way.

I get it from my Dad too..One of my DS is like me, My DD and other DS are sometimes aghast at my behaviour..my DH just walks a little further on and waits for me..he could watch grass grow him!

Thank you so much IlovecatsyesIdo that's such a lovely, kind thing to say.
It's so fascinating isn't it, as I always look at quiet people in awe, and think they seem so confident and self-assured! I guess there must be a huge range and combination of quiet, chatty, confident, anxious, and every combination of everything in between. I find the whole subject of personality and behaviour so endlessly fascinating...

@Bassettgirl

"My Dad was a chatter and he'd take hours to pop to the high street because he would have so many random chats with people he saw on the way."

This is me!!! We live in a village and it can take me forever to get a pint of milk from the shop!! I'm always bumping into someone (or 3) I know - and the problem with being a chatter is that I seem to know a lot of people (because I talk to everyone)

LonginesPrime I absolutely love your comment about relating situations for people to Bible stories and literature etc. I do this too. I frequently quote Shakespeare and The Bible, the great philosophers and classical novels to make my point, and try to be helpful, with the absolute best of intentions. But sometimes people look at me as if I've got two heads! Then I think 'oops, I've done it again!'

Marylou is that moor land? It looks divine.

Re-you befriending the mum with the disabled child and Longines’ mum (who sounds brilliant) and suspecting that many of us may be neuro divergent...I often find myself drawn to “outsiders” and put off by “cliques” does anyone else?

At the school there are mums who aren’t fluent in English and others who are shy who are rejected by the clique. I find myself drawn to people who the masses see as outsiders

@JamieFrasersSassenach I would love to live in a village like that. Sounds a bit The Archers!

@Siameasy yes I avoid cliques. At the school gates I often stand and chat with people who are on their own. I also quite enjoy chatting to one child's grandparents. I have avoided being part of a group myself.

So long as you listen and respond to what people are saying, I don’t think being chatty is a bad thing. The only person who has ever annoyed me for talking too much is someone who talked about themselves incessantly and you actually had to interrupt them to say anything and even then they didn’t listen.

Oh, totally Siameasy. I can't bear to see people bullied or excluded. I look for the outsiders. Also, in fiction, I sympathise with the misunderstood and maligned characters... You're absolutely right. There probably is a link

@Bassettgirl

"I would love to live in a village like that. Sounds a bit The Archers!"

It's nothing like the Archers sadly!

I'm also non-cliquey- I have always befriended the people outside of the clique! Usually ends up that I know all of the people inside the clique, just separately 😂

I swear I didn't used to be a chatter when I was younger, but I am now!
I think because I work alone most of the time & I live alone, when I'm with my friends/colleagues I go nuts
I think I am deluded as I don't think I'm boring, but I as I do find other over-talkers can be, I suppose I am too

Funny how us talkers have a lot in common..sticking up for the bullied, being drawn to the outsiders..As a nanny I don't 'fit' in with a lot of school parents (unless they want some babysitting!). it's a very affluent area..but us nannies find each other!

Sorry Siam..Cliff top area of scientific interest..on sunny days you can see the sea..Old mine shafts and WW2 gun placements..5 minute walk from my house..dog loves it..I usually walk him on the beach but it's leads only in July and August..Sadly he's got old very quickly, gone deaf and a bit blind and just been diagnosed with kidney failure..his recall has got bad but it was perfect. He's 13 and a half now..a Springer

Another photo on a good day.

Longines my brain does this with songs.