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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I talk too much, help!

168 replies

WanderingFruitWonderer · 13/08/2020 17:14

This isn't really an AIBU, but I didn't really know where to post.
I talk too much. I get anxious, can't self-regulate, and sometimes I make such a fool of myself. I fear I'm turning into Miss Bates, of Jane Austen's Emma.
Has anyone else had this problem and overcome it? How did you achieve that? It's really getting me down. Thank you

OP posts:
incognitomum · 15/08/2020 08:33

Tigerstripe20 have you thought of a face visor rather than a mask when shopping? That way you can smile at people. You'll see in their eyes if they smile back.

Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 08:35

Thank you incognitomum. Your posts made me chuckle! Especially when you explained about Oh/DH confusion, because I do that. I like to explain things, in case there's misunderstanding. I think we're of the same tribe!

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Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 08:37

Oh yes, that's a good idea for Tigerstripe20 to wear a visor, instead of mask.

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ArtemisBean · 15/08/2020 08:45

Speaking as an introvert, I really like chatty people - it takes the pressure off me! As long as they listen as well as they talk, and don't just ignore what I've said and carry on with their own stream of consciousness regardless. When introverts and shy people gear themselves up to speak (it's a big deal for them!) they want to know their words have been heard and appreciated.

Notarealmum · 15/08/2020 08:52

I honestly think I might be the OP. As a hugely talkative, socially anxious over-sharer I’m always very happy to meet another chatterbox as it means I’ll get less chance to rabbit on myself. When I’m with someone very quiet I usually come away feeling dreadful, like I’ve bored the hell out of them (and probably have!)

bumblingbovine49 · 15/08/2020 08:58

@Iwantacookie

OP I feel your pain. I do as a pp does and narrates everything. Its annoying and I dont know how to stop myself from doing it.
I do this too. I also have a lot of trouble making decisions without talking them through out loud.
Shoxfordian · 15/08/2020 08:59

I think you need to let go of the idea that you can make everyone like you. It sounds like this might be part of your oversharing or over talkativeness. Don't beat yourself up too much though, nothing wrong with being chatty

Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 09:05

Ooh, sorry Siameasy and BertieBotts I only just read your latest posts. Thank you. I do sometimes talk drivel Siameasy Blush but I love deep meaningful conversation too. Yes I often repeat questions! I repeat myself generally. As BertieBotts says, people probably don't remember that as much as we fear they may.
Thank you for that BertieBotts. You're v.good at explaining things. I reckon you're a great teacher.
Piglet 89 thank you. Yes, I actually love Miss Bates, and am hugely sympathetic to her as a character. She's misunderstood, and would have thrived in a different time & place. She was constrained by societal expectations of unmarried women of her day. She has a most beautiful soul. I find it almost painful to think of such a sweet soul being ridiculed. I'm overjoyed that Emma reflects on her conduct. She didn't mean to be so unkind, I know... Anyway, I'm doing my thing again! Going off on a tangent. Sigh! Sorry. Re your question about my chattiness - both I think. I wax lyrical about my interests. But I'm also genuinely interested in other people, and ask loads of questions. Sometimes too many. I try to find a balance. I find it very hard to control myself sometimes though...

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Marylou62 · 15/08/2020 09:06

Can I tell you all a funny story about starting conversations with anyone? I was nannying at a very posh hotel and arrived early..so was having a crafty fag..(last one for a while as I didn't smoke when working)..I sat down (hiding) on a grass verge looking at a helicopter on the lawn..There was a man also studying the helicopter..As a chatterbox I started a conversation with him about needing to give these vile things up (he was having a crafty cig too!)..we had about a half an hour chat, a good laugh..I even asked him if he worked in the hotel!!.Told him I was just the Nanny and could never afford to stay there..he asked me about my job, family.etc. .Anyway, we got talking about the helicopter and I said I would love to go in one..So he offered!! He was Jay Kay from Jamiroquai!..said I'd made his day having a normal conversation like he did before he got famous..Never got the helicopter ride tho but he did let me and my charges sit in it..

Bassettgirl · 15/08/2020 09:09

OP you sound lovely and on the plus side I bet you make friends easily and put people at ease which is a good quality.

I am also verbally chaotic (love this phrase), especially when nervous and have long thought I need a self help book in the art of conversation! I think it's generally a good thing though, the ability to talk to anyone. I occasionally meet people where a conversation is over before it starts and I think our version of life is better.

Love a 19th century novel!

Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 09:12

Marylou62 Grin that's a lovely story. Your chattiness, friendliness and openness made another human happy ( regardless of fame or obscurity). Maybe it is indeed a skill. You sound lovely

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Bassettgirl · 15/08/2020 09:13

That's amazing @Marylou62. Love that story!

Not someone famous, but (pre-2001) I was invited to sit in the front of a plane to land after randomly chatting nonsense to a pilot while waiting for the loo.

Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 09:17

Aww, thank you Bassettgirl you sound lovely too, and I think we'd get on - a fellow nervous talker, who loves 19th century fiction!
Yes, maybe I should embrace the positive aspects of my overactive vocal chords more. There are loads I know...

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Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 09:32

That's exactly it Notarealmum. I love quiet non-talkers too (they seem so exotic to me!) But I just feel so guilty after talking to them, that I may have just really irritated them. So it's lovely what you say ArtemisBean. Nice to think quiet people and chatty people can compliment one another. Yes, I will make point of listening and being interested when a quiet person speaks Smile. I actually have a lot of empathy for people who struggle the other way, and find it hard to talk. The opposite side of the same coin, and it possibly comes from a similar place...

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Bassettgirl · 15/08/2020 09:34

Yes we would @WanderingFruitWonderer! It's not every day you meet someone of that description Grin

Galvantula · 15/08/2020 09:38

Same as @BertieBotts - got diagnosed with ADHD. Blush

Galvantula · 15/08/2020 09:42

I feel like I can't stop talking when I want to. I've started on medication recently and can sort of stop myself a bit.

Marylou62 · 15/08/2020 09:50

I worked with Life-limited children and supporting parents after their death..I once apologised to a mother for chatting away about not much..I was mortified later..She made it quite clear that whilst she needed the company she was not up to talking much so just listening to me talking (prattling on?) about everyday life was lovely..
(this was a while after their little boys death who I adored)
See I don't just talk a lot, I type a lot too!
(I Delete a lot of what I write because I can sure run on..But posting this as I think it's relevant?)

Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 09:59

Oh gosh Marylou62 your last post made me cry. What a beautiful gift you gave that poor heartbroken mum. Your warmth and ability to be natural, and to be present, was precisely what was needed there and then. A gift indeed

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Marylou62 · 15/08/2020 10:07

Thankyou Wandering..Yet again I've made this about me which I didn't really intend to do..
I'm just trying to show that being a gobshite (in fact for that Mums Hen night that's what my Tshirt said!!!) is not always a bad thing
You'll definately find that some people will intensely dislike you for it (one comment up thread?) but plenty more will love you for it even if you can be annoying sometimes..Please be yourself

UseItUp · 15/08/2020 10:20

Chatty people are great, they put others at ease and keep the conversation flowing. I think it’s also very likeable if someone’s guileless and open and says what’s on their mind.

If you feel like you talk nervously and can’t stop (I’ve been prone to this when nervous and can end up not knowing what I’m going on about) and you’d like to feel more in control then Gestalt therapy can be really good for that sort of thing.

Galvantula · 15/08/2020 10:28

@Marylou62 I type a lot too 😄

Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 10:41

Oh Marylou62 I didn't at all think you were making it about yourself. Not at all. I recognised you were highlighting the fact it can really be a gift for other people sometimes. So please don't worry at all.
Yes, maybe, we just can't win 'em all (in terms of people liking us) and as Shoxfordian said (thank you btw) maybe I need to let go of the idea of trying to get everyone to like me? Maybe that is just totally unrealistic? Try as I might! Yes, being ourselves, whatever that looks like for each of us, is probably the best thing to be...

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Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 10:44

Oh, me too Galvantula! I type ALOT!!! As you can see Blush People can't get over the length of my texts & emails!

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Original poster
WanderingFruitWonderer · 15/08/2020 10:53

Thank you UseItUp. That's a nice thing to say.
I think I've heard of Gestalt Therapy, but don't know what it is. I'll look into it...

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