To ask for funny things you've heard from next door gardens?

[HotdogwithKetchup]

We've been out a lot with DC in the garden the past few days and have been hearing more of our neighbours that we usually would! Outer London so tiny suburban gardens.

The single guy behind us has moved his home "office" into the garden and is conducting all his work calls there in bad-tempered French. I can hear him sighing when our youngest shouts, "Need a wee" or screams in the paddling-pool but he hasn't said anything yet which I'm grateful for.

The neighbour behind on the other side is doing some sort of DIY project...So drills, sawing, hammering. I can hear single French guy sighing audibly at this too. I'm on his side if he murders the guy . But he might come for us first...

Next to us we have two older girls (around 11 and 8). They've been building a shelter using sheets in the garden, but the oldest (who is very...assertive!) is convinced the youngest one is doing it all wrong. She knows, you see, since she's been doing Guides and they do shelters all the time .

The other side is flats, one of which is empty and for sale. We never see the upstairs resident. I'm not sure he really exists. Nothing from downstairs today, but over the past few weeks I've enjoyed eavesdropping on the estate agent's sales talk in the garden.

All fairly mundane. Has anyone as nosy as me heard anything really interesting?

LMAO MARS bars!

@LittleMissnotLittleMrs you may have to wait a while, he’s only just turning 13 😂 every time he’s been in the garden for the past few days he’s been loudly talking about his love for mars bars 🙈

Our NDN's have 3 girls and to add to their paddling pool, had evidently got them an inflatable Orca. Which they called Willy. Cue lots of comments I could hear along the lines of "It's my turn with Willy now", "Don't be too rough with Willy or he might pop", "I want to sit on Willy" etc.

@Tupperwarelid

Our neighbours are Romanian. I wish I spoke the language as they have some very animated conversations and loud phone calls.

Try using Google translate !

i had nothing to add to this thread until went in the garden at about 9 last night.
Don't think one of our neighbors realised that sound travels when the windows are open and it's quiet.
Sounded like she was enjoying herself.

When we were in strict lockdown (no going out even for exercise) my adult neighbour was crying and shouting "I need to go out". It was awful.

When I was a child we had a very grouchy alcoholic neighbour, I was once outside pretending to be a witch who had kidnapped a baby, and I was cradling a doll in my arms saying "I'll teach you my craft..." in a witchy voice. She yelled "I'll teach you to be quiet." My brother and I wrote her a letter telling her she should stop drinking, get a hobby or join a church or something. How cringeworthy is that? Oh and her name was Mrs Cockburn and she called her house "Pleasant Bottom" which elicited lots of giggles.

I'm the overheard neighbour. Too my dd aged 2 about half an hour ago " please don't poo on the bedroom floor?! So I then put her on her potty she did a tiny bit in the pot and proclaimed I've done it good girl" while I'm scrubbing and cleaning the bedroom carpet look out the window and my neighbour is chuckling to herself haha

God knows what our neighbours hear from us 🤔😂

Next door neighbour caught the husband and au pair frolicking in the hot tub together. Au pair thrown out with her stuff in bin bags.

Lots of arguing over next few weeks. Wife then left with child. Au pair moved back in later the same day!!!

Since then we have been treated to regular sounds of the "celebrations of venus" as our bedroom and theirs share a chimney. Plus more frolicking in the hot tub. Lovely.

Couple at back having a party after a few drinks or three there is obviously an argument going on.
Things getting a bit loud , all of sudden we hear, “you horrible cow , you’ve only hit my because I come from up North!!” 😂

We just looked at each other and cracked up

Middle of the night from next door's front garden, male voice "Brenda, I've told you. All I need is my sleeping bag and my moccasins".

Next door neighbour on one side yelling "stop shitting in my begonias!" She was talking to the neighbourhood's cocky massive ginger cat that no-one knows who owns it. Then on the other side of us we're regularly entertained by the two sons having intellectual conversations. They're both early 20s and a recent debate was arguing over what side of the road you drive on in Lanzarote because one of them was going to hire a car when they go there. NDN1 said they think they drive on the other side of the road to us and that the drivers side of the car is also the other side. NDN2 chipped in with "hahaha you're a cock no they aren't! So you're telling me the pedals are the other way around?"
NDN 1: "No I'm not saying that, just the drivers seat, and then obviously the gear stick and hand break are still in the middle."
NDN2: "hahahaha you're so fuckin stupid, no way knob head."
By this point I really wanted to point out that NDN2 was wrong, but that would've meant admitting I'd been listening in.

"If they want this local lockdown to work they'll have to provide childcare for the key workers"
Said half an hour before the first of several guests arrived for a birthday party 🙄😔😡

House behind me has 4 boys. I often hear the shout 'who's done a poo and not cleaned the toilet?'

I’m very glad the Mum is calling them up on their behaviour and not letting them turn into the skid mark leaving adults we often see on mumsnet

"Shut the fuck up you fucking CUNTS!"

Neighbour (rightly) shouting at another neighbour having a party and singing loudly at 12:30am

Reading this thread with interest and having a whale of a time. Thank you one and all for your amusing stories!

From my very merry (pissed) neighbour "alexa, you're not listening to me" 🤣

My da10 is so over dramatic. He’s constantly shouting and getting stressed. Iv shouted back at him a few times. I feel sorry for my ndn 🙈Iv messaged snd apologised snd she says she doesn’t hear it which is rubbish 😂😩🙈

From my very merry (pissed) neighbour "alexa, you're not listening to me" 🤣

I think my neighbours must think I’ve got a very naughty child somewhere that they haven’t seen yet. I’m constantly saying “No...no...no! Alexa, no! No Alexa that’s not what I said!” 😆🙈

Family of 4, mum, dad, a 6 year old boy and a 1 year old girl.
The dad was really shouting at the boy (Didn’t year all that was said) and told him to get out into the car. The boy replied ‘THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE EVER!’
Bless him it wasn’t even 9am 🤣

And not the neighbour... but our neighbour appeared at the (5ft) fence for a chat and had his top off as it was hot.
My 3 year old daughter called over ‘mummy! Look the neighbour doesn’t have any clothes on!’ 🤣🤣
(He defo had shorts on bless him)

I dread to think what my new neighbours think of me. They were having a BBQ a few weeks ago when I shouted at a chauvinistic neighbour for blocking my access out of my drive for the nth time. He's nice as pie to my DP but as soon as I tackle him there's a different attitude and I'd just had enough. So I gave him a right bollocking.

They also probably hear me telling my kids off for not tidying up and that I'm not their personal servant and I'm tired!

I remember hearing my 60something year old neighbour cackling on the phone to his mate and then recounting the story to his wife. His friend had been delivering a skip and had to climb inside it to take a John Woo as he was desperate and couldn't wait. Apparently, a double decker went past and people started taking photos on their phones.

Was just reading these threads when I heard from next door," NO! Why did you do that, that's disgusting," from neighbour to 3 year old daughter. I wonder!

My old neighbours were having a very loud argument, summer, all doors and window open and I heard the wife say “neighbours”?!! “I don’t give a fuck about the neighbours”!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣