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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH says I’m an embarrassing nerd

390 replies

Hindsite · 11/08/2020 11:35

I play the Sims. I have lately taken to building and have built a number of homes. I’m getting really into it and have renovated a whole town. I have created an instagram page for my Sims game and share all my builds on there as well as my stories. My next project is making an abandoned Wild West town like the ones we have come across in America. This will likely take a month or so and then once I’m done I’ll move families into it who will then renovate the town.

Last night DH came across my Instagram and went off on one saying I’m a complete giant nerd and he sent the pics to all his family and to his mate. His mate asked if him if I’ve stopped playing grandma turismo because he kept beaten me. DH didn’t know I was playing this car game online with his mate and is now saying I’m an embarrassment and I’ll be the joke of his work place.

Wtf. Is it really so bad to have interests that don’t affect anyone else even if I am a Middle Aged woman?

OP posts:
EthelMerman · 13/08/2020 08:34

Your husband is a numpty. I love console gaming (though right now it’s taking a back seat as work is full on). The Sims aren’t my thing but I have sunk countless hours into The Witcher, Animal Crossing and various Dragon Quest games, Gran Turismo too. My OH, who isn’t a gamer, lets me get on with it. It’s definitely a stress reliever for me. And it’s always a good conversation starter at work with the younger ones who are amused a middle-aged biddy is a gamer.

So be proud of your hobby and enjoy posting your progress to Insta.

Unfortunately the kids love video games too, think OH would have loved sporty kids but they’re just not. I can still beat them at Gran Turismo too 😊

GhostTypeEevee · 13/08/2020 08:55

There is still so much sexism apparent in 'geeky' hobbies.
More girls are playing Pokemon which is great to see but some of the women's experiences at tournaments are woeful, from being asked if they're there to support a boyfriend (because obviously they can't be playing because they enjoy it), being told to cover up because their top is 'distracting' to 'girls just aren't good at card games' Hmm

PhilSwagielka · 13/08/2020 10:52

@Fckingfuming

I thing the problem stems from the wife playing the game/s when she should clearly be the 1950's housewife attending to the family needs at the drop of a hat, always on hand ready to be the dependable one springing to action when a drink needs making or the kids need help with homework, etc.

A woman isn't supposed to be 'playing' on the computer, she is there for practical reasons only, and the man is the one that deserves downtime after a hard day at work. For decades it's always been accepted, expected and unquestioned the man gets to 'play' whether on the computer/console on various games, watching the footie, go golfing, paint balling etc.

It's a sad fact a lot of people still have the mindset of the woman not being allowed to have a hobby that isn't in some way 'contributing' or 'traditionally acceptable'. I personally play games on the XBox, it's a great way to unwind, is entertaining and you can still be talking to others either in the room or online. A lot of games require you to view cut scenes to know what to do next, which I find similar to watching a film, but with a lot more interaction, rather than only passively paying attention.

The Sims requires a lot of forethought and forward planning when building, which means you are engaging your brain, crack on and enjoy what you love!. Also ask him if he takes the mick out of his friend, or is it just you he has a problem with?.

it's not just older people who think that either, sadly. I've seen plenty of young geeks, not all male either, who think that once a woman turns 30 she should give up all fannish hobbies and devote herself to knitting, doing her taxes and raising the kids. Sure, there's nothing wrong with knitting but not all of us are into it. In the case of fanfic, there's an element of 'older women having sexual fantasies is disgusting' too. Plenty of men draw repulsive fetish art of female cartoon characters but oddly, they get a pass.

Men also do not, as a whole, like women encroaching on what they consider to be 'their' hobbies, be it football or gaming. As my name suggests, I'm a football fan and some men are quite weird about that, or they just automatically assume I'm a man on online forums. Loads of men still dislike women playing, watching or commenting on football and think it's perfectly acceptable to tell us to go back to the kitchen or send rape threats to people like Alex Scott. I get not everyone wants to watch women's football but some men act like acknowledging its existence is like having a gun pointed at their heads and being FORCED to watch it, and some of us genuinely enjoy the game and aren't just there because we fancy the players (Everton have a handsome squad now but some of the squads we had in the '90s/'00s were fugly), and we don't all support big name teams like Liverpool or Real Madrid. And we do know the offside rule.

I also have a friend who likes a lot of music and bands with large male followings - G-dspeed You Black Emperor, Slint, Sunn O))), black metal, etc. When she and her husband have been to gigs together, people just assume she's along for the ride as opposed to, you know, actually liking the music.

However, I am happy to report that when I've done group raids in Pokemon Go, there have been plenty of women there, including mums with kids. Hell, it was a woman who got me into it, she's got Pokemon tattoos! I also use it as a walking app (you get given eggs and you have to walk a certain distance to hatch them, and if you have a Pokemon as your 'buddy', you can feed it candy by walking it a certain distance, though good luck if it's Mewtwo or Meltan). When the weather calms down a bit I'll probably get out there and hatch some eggs.

Sadbri · 13/08/2020 11:05

Oh wow I love The Sims been playing since I was 9 so.... 18yrs now.
Although the past year I’ve got hugely into minecraft. My OH thought it was really childish at first but soon got over it and is used to me spending my spare time on there. I’m now at the point where I’m configuring plugins for the server I play on.
Do what makes you happy always! Everyone has their own hobby’s and they won’t be to everyone’s taste. ❤️

Susan1961 · 13/08/2020 13:02

My 21 year old just got new DS, nothing wrong with escapism, whatever floats your boat, hubby sounds jealous.

MsEllany · 13/08/2020 13:04

@Scotland32

He didn’t put it very nicely but I think he has a point. Aside from anything nerdy, I can’t help wondering....Do you not have anything better to do with your time? What a waste. You only get one life, make it count!
So what do you do for leisure? Embroidery? Reading? Cycling?

Why are your pastimes considered a ‘better way to waste your time’ than anyone else’s? Surely the whole point about leisure time is that you spend it doing something you enjoy?!

BlusteryShowers · 13/08/2020 13:09

Some of the replies! Hmm

OK, why do I game when I "could be doing something more useful"?

  • I have two very young children and a shift working husband. When they're asleep and he's at work and I can't leave, I can have a bit of escapism and work on a project in the game.
  • It's pick up/put down able. I can just save and leave the game whenever I want and I might not touch it again for months. There is no social or financial commitment or pressure whatsoever.
  • it's cheap. Yes, I do love interior design actually but I'm not going to achieve the look I want for the £30 I've spent on the Sims 4. And while I'm saving up for my real life projects I can have fun can't i?
  • I do other stuff too. I run. I cook every day. I read. I listen to podcasts. I watch TV. I socialise. Enjoying gaming does not mean you do nothing else.

If we were here saying we were really into embroidery or pottery or playing the flute, those people wouldn't be so rude about it.

PhilSwagielka · 13/08/2020 13:21

@Rtruth

Wow!

I can’t believe the amount of people who think this is ok!

Think of the hours you could have been doing something meaningful. Charity work, keeping fit, a interior design course for example. It’s all good to have downtime but having enough time to build that much seems like you are wasting your 1 shot at life.

But why not both? And why are any of those things more meaningful? People find meaning in different things. And as I said, I use PoGo as a way of keeping fit. It gives me an incentive to walk and explore the neighbourhood. Why is interior design a valid hobby but a computer game isn't? And why do you think it's OK for OP's partner to humiliate her?
PhilSwagielka · 13/08/2020 13:23

Btw if you want to know what my hobbies are:

  • Going to gigs
  • Baking
  • Playing various instruments (piano, guitar, cajon, bass guitar, trumpet and tuba although I can't practice the tuba much atm, as my chest is a bit dodgy)
  • Going to football matches (Everton/Sheffield Wednesday and I went to watch Man United a few times, as my local team)

What's so bad about these things? Or people doing stuff that they love? As long as it doesn't rule your life, you don't waste all your money on it and you don't harm others, why is it bad?

JaneJack23 · 13/08/2020 13:35

I want to play too!! Sounds fun!

JoeCalFuckingZaghe · 13/08/2020 13:37

It's great to MN getting behind gaming, though I imagine if this was a game like GTA or Fortnite it might be a different story.

All hobbies are kind of wastes of times, but that's the point isn't it? Filling in the mundane, boring downtime with things you enjoy? @Scotland32 stop being a fun sponge and let people enjoy things. I'd love to know what your hobbies are.

PhilSwagielka · 13/08/2020 13:53

I'd love to know which hobbies are the valid ones that we're supposed to be doing.

I have no interest in interior design (and I'm disabled so putting up wallpaper, painting etc. is physically very difficult for me, I'd rather have it done by someone who knows what they're doing). I don't like textile work. I do go the gym and I have a crosstrainer/bike, but I'm not sporty and never have been. I fucking hate running and always have. I can't think of any charity work I'd be good at (although my brother, who is more into games than me, did voluntary work for Help Refugees) and I'm not cut out to work with vulnerable people. But apparently those are the kind of hobbies I should be doing instead.

Also, as a football fan, I'd like to point out that men spend hundreds of pounds on merch and season tickets - thousands in the cases of big teams like Liverpool or Man United - regularly abuse people for supporting a rival team (especially on Twitter, football Twitter is toxic), and even fight each other over it. But again, they get a pass. I see countless male Everton fans moan every season about how they spend hundreds of pounds to watch a crap team, as though they're being forced to spend money. But no-one tells them to get a life.

AryaStarkWolf · 13/08/2020 14:10

@Hindsite

Thanks for all the support ☺️

To those who have asked if I have anything better to do with my time ... well, I work part time, I spend a lot of time walking my dogs and engaging in dog training, I do karate and I write (currently writing a novel). You know one thing I don’t do? I don’t watch TV ... maybe that’s where my spare time comes from because I’m betting those people that think I’m wasting time do watch TV. How is it any different?

fgs ignore those people, there's nothing wrong with what you do! I've never played the Sims but your buildings look fab!

Did you say anything more about it to your "D"h? Really terrible way to speak to and about you. Totally out of order

23trains · 13/08/2020 14:17

I’ve been playing SIMs mobile on my iPad - is the paid for PC version better? I haven’t built anything yet, just done a few shifts in the coffee shop and hosted a woefully under attended party!

Opaljewel · 13/08/2020 14:22

I love sims and I'm 34 haha! He's a judgemental prick.

RubyRedBerry · 13/08/2020 15:17

I love the sims and I too have built a city. Its been great for passing time during lockdown. Keep going girl!

Touca · 13/08/2020 15:43

Non-gamers are such tedious people.

ScribblerWitch · 13/08/2020 15:51

Haha, aw, I so glad you love him too! He’s amazing. You can definitely have the details of my Insta, should I PM you?

You say he’s a bad boy but he’s a good boah really... A good, bad-boah if you will 😉😆

ScribblerWitch · 13/08/2020 15:53

Sorry, that was a reply to @Hindsite

ScribblerWitch · 13/08/2020 15:56

@Hindsite

I love that cutscene! He’s such a badass!! One of the best, most iconic moments of the game!

SimonJT · 13/08/2020 16:01

I wonder how many people have now downloaded the sims after reading this thread

ScribblerWitch · 13/08/2020 16:02

@Girlyracer

Why do you think playing video games is odd? If you don’t like them, don’t play them.

You clearly have no understanding of what it means to be a gamer or why people (including grown women - shock horror!) play them.

What do you do in your spare time that’s so much more worthy?

trappedsincesundaymorn · 13/08/2020 16:37

I've never played the Sims but I do play the Mass Effect trilogy...a lot. My lead character is always a woman and can snipe the crap out of an enemy alien. I also play Far Cry 3 quite a bit and managed to snipe a cage releasing a tiger that attacked the base for me, without me leaving the hill-top. OH gave me a standing ovation for that. He's scared and in awe of my sniper skills in equal measure. Grin

JanMeyer · 13/08/2020 17:12

I've never played the Sims but I do play the Mass Effect trilogy...a lot. My lead character is always a woman and can snipe the crap out of an enemy alien.

Oh, i love mass effect, didn't think much of Andromeda though. I've played through the first one so many times. Who's your favourite love interest from the trilogy? I'm a big fan of Kaidan myself.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 13/08/2020 17:42

I couldn't get on with Andromeda at all. I usually go with Kaiden but Garrus is a funny hook up. I am annoyed that you don't get to have a "thing" with Joker though....he's my virtual crush. Blush

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