DH says I’m an embarrassing nerd

[Hindsite]

I play the Sims. I have lately taken to building and have built a number of homes. I’m getting really into it and have renovated a whole town. I have created an instagram page for my Sims game and share all my builds on there as well as my stories. My next project is making an abandoned Wild West town like the ones we have come across in America. This will likely take a month or so and then once I’m done I’ll move families into it who will then renovate the town.

Last night DH came across my Instagram and went off on one saying I’m a complete giant nerd and he sent the pics to all his family and to his mate. His mate asked if him if I’ve stopped playing grandma turismo because he kept beaten me. DH didn’t know I was playing this car game online with his mate and is now saying I’m an embarrassment and I’ll be the joke of his work place.

Wtf. Is it really so bad to have interests that don’t affect anyone else even if I am a Middle Aged woman?

I got my kids Sims4 at the start of lockdown...they havent touched it 😂 I, on the other hand, am probably a little bit obsessed. I've never gamed in my life but I love this. Im still on my first household, but 8 generations in. I currently have 3 related families in one mansion that I built...im too scared to split the household.

Screw that. If he thinks you’re a nerd...I’ll be one too 😂. I play Animal Crossings and The Sims. He has no right to make you feel like that. He sounds like a child!

@OhMyMirror

I got my kids Sims4 at the start of lockdown...they havent touched it 😂 I, on the other hand, am probably a little bit obsessed. I've never gamed in my life but I love this. Im still on my first household, but 8 generations in. I currently have 3 related families in one mansion that I built...im too scared to split the household.

I don't blame you! I currently have a couple of young adults who I've not moved out of their mum's yet because I have it set for other sims to age up and I don't want to accidentally kill her off whilst trying to produce the grandchildren.

I love sims. I've been getting stressed over getting promoted on the doctor career on get to work.

Only thing DP has had to say about it is 'why are your babies blue'

@lakesidesummer@Quaagars@glowfrog

Maybe I’m out of the loop, but do you get paid to play sims? Because you could doing a job you love and if she likes building and decorating virtual houses, maybe, just maybe she could do it in real life and make some money.

I’m sorry but if I child spent enough time over a month to build a whole town then I’d ban them. Plus I’d be concerned about their happiness about their real life in the real world.

I’m a gamer too - ignore him and enjoy! ( but can I add, I love the idea of Grandma Turismo - I imagine levels including “notability mayhem”, “15mph fallout” etc!! 😜😂)

I'd be playing The Sims 4 now if I could remember how to access my EA Games account! I'm 61, my husband's 55, and we're both playing the Elder Scrolls Online at the moment. Nerds rule! I've been gaming online and offline since 1977 (the original D&D) and I'm not about to stop now. Your husband is a prat, OP!

Oh my god he's a dick I love the sims too! I've played it since I was young (now 28) I'm obsessed with builds tbh, I also watch Plumbella (she's amazing!) & lilsimsie (less amazing but more content).
I just wish I could play! I'm currently unable due to being on maternity looking after my 20 week old, he doesn't let me do much for myself aha! I love being a mom but I MISS GAMING.

What does your DH for fun? Hopefully that's something to actually be embarrassed about! Tell him to shove it lol

This has really opened my eyes to the number of adults (women) who play computer games. I'm astounded. I do think it's nerdy. Sympathies with the DH.

It's hard to explain, I understand many hobbies as fun and creative, but this is odd and very insular.

Is this after work or something and a need to de-stress after work?

Louis Theroux could make a programme about it

@Rtruth but the OP is NOT a child. She's clearly got a happy and fulfilled life. And again, I don't get how you think you get to decide what is a worthwhile occupation or not. It's her life, it's not interfering with life in general. I don't think you'd like it if other people decided to think your life and your hobbies are the sad ones.

I think you just have a very narrow-minded attitude towards video games - then again you are not the only one.

I love rollercoaster tycoon and sims!!! How many people do PlayStation gaming?! Tell your DH to bugger off. Nothing wrong with it!

YANBU and that is actually really horrible behaviour.

Many adults use video games as a stress reliever for fun and all manner of other things besides.

Straight out I would change your passwords to all of your machines and block him on all forms of social media: if he insists on behaving like a nasty, untrustworthy teenager then treat him like one.

If it was me I would actually go a step further and before I banned him I would put a post up on FB explaining what he has done and how hurt you are and your plan to ban him as a result with a hastag of #ZeroFucksGiven. Then tag him.

As soon as he mentions it say: what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If you think you can be rude and humiliate me I will return the favour. Nice is it?

Then block him on everything.

I also wouldn't wash, cook or clean for him until further notice until he learns some bloody manners.

He's a bully and that's how you deal with bullies.

@Girlyracer maybe that should be enough to make you realise gaming is hardly a niche or strictly gendered activity, and therefore hardly something to describe as embarrassing.

Funny how so many people look down on gaming but would have no issue with fantasy football leagues or countless other pastimes.

It's hard to explain, I understand many hobbies as fun and creative, but this is odd and very insular.

I play Animal Crossing. It's fun and creative. Designing an island, clothes, furniture, growing flowers and trees, fishing and catching bugs. I even do it with friends, we visit each other's islands to hang out or sell turnips. They're all women in their 30s too. It's escapism. How is it less worthwhile than watching soaps or reality TV?

Wow, I don't know (where it is obvious) a single woman who does this. Maybe I'm the odd one for not creating virtual worlds. Don't intend to find out though

I don't spend much time on the internet, perhaps that's the difference. These virtual worlds seem very time consuming.

Mind you I don't watch soaps or reality TV either. I'm clearly missing a trick.

This has really opened my eyes to the number of adults (women) who play computer games. I'm astounded. I do think it's nerdy. Sympathies with the DH. It's hard to explain, I understand many hobbies as fun and creative, but this is odd and very insular.

And is there something wrong with being "nerdy?" Why are you sympathetic to her husband just because the OP has a hobby he doesn't approve of? Do you feel sympathetic with the wife of the man the OP played Gran Turismo against? Or is being nerdy and liking video games fine for men?
I'm curious, what do you find odd about it? Is it video games in general you think are odd or the fact women play them? Do you think male gamers are odd?
If the OP spent her free time knitting or reading and her husband didn't approve, would you feel sorry for husband then? If no, why not?

As for insular, well the OP is here talking about the subject and has an instagram page related to her creations, kind of the opposite of insular don't you think?
I never understand why people critcise gaming for being a solitary activity (even though that's not always the case) whilst thinking things like reading, crossstich, knitting or watching TV alone is fine. Spend an evening reading in peace and quiet, fine. Admit you spent an evening wandering around the wasteland in Fallout 76 (very social game btw) and all of a sudden you're "odd and insular." Funny that.
Just because you don't understand what's fun about it doesn't mean it isn't.

but this is odd and very insular.

I don't think you've realised this is 2020.

I do consider most gamers nerdy, so male and female. Maybe the amount of hours some people contribute to it too. I have come across some males who fall into the virtual world and I do wonder why they don't get out more. I think it must become addictive.

I think I mean insular as in communicating with a screen rather than verbalising and facing another human being. Perhaps didn't express that very well.

I think I mean insular as in communicating with a screen rather than verbalising and facing another human being.

So just like Mumsnet

I used to play on our ZX Spectrum etc as a child, I don't think I'd ever do it as an adult.

I don't think I'll ever understand the desire, but of course each to their own.

Well I've only been on for half an hour, and that's my lot. Off to do something more useful with my time.

I do still think there is a difference in "speaking to people" online debating a subject, compared to creating a fake world.

LTB! I played sims loads during lockdown! I hate that I stopped playing it as much in the past. I'm in my mid thirties, married with kids!

You do you OP
He sounds unkind , at best

I often play a game while watching TV. Nothing too demanding of my attention.

Building a city isn't that different from knitting things that nobody needs or wants.