Friend driving us up the walls.

[Brot64]

Read a somewhat similar post here last night but cannot find it, so cannot contribute or ask what needs asking.

I have been bombarded with messages, text and emails, from a friend of ours since 6am this morning. I always wake up at 5am so the issue is not the time, more the messages. It's all covid related, conspiracy based articles, PDF's anti vaccine re:covid, how our society is being hijacked, how the world is being reset, how wearing masks is causing ill health particularly dental, the list is endless, followed by numerous messages. He also knows my mother, who use to be a virologist but is now a neuropathologist though not here , and has bombarded her with numerous emails some in which he has stated that the work she did and does is a hoax particularly in relation to virology (she wrote numerous published articles and he seems to be very interested in).

As she has not been responding he asked me to forward and discuss a report with her, we didn't actually discuss it but to calm him (I know, terrible) I did say we have and it's all the same conspiracy view. I have been responding so might have fuelled this, however I have clearly stated that I am not interested in reading anymore of the articles.

DH suggests it's time to call quits on the friendship. We have been friends since university, and all was well until covid and his recent separation. I have very much enjoyed our friendship but now I dread hearing from him. We cannot seem to speak about anything else aside from this. Am I being insensitive here? If you wouldn’t end the friendship, what approach would you take considering that simply telling him, we have different views and I wouldn’t be reading anymore of these articles doesn’t seem to have any effect on him?

'Wake up!' ?? As soon as I see that anywhere in a message, on a post - I switch off. I fear this madness has become typical of our times - too many people becoming vulnerable in their lock down isolation have become prey to impassioned YouTube charlatans who manage to press the right emotional buttons for the sake of amassing likes...
I've had to put a stop to a number of friends' communications for overstepping the mark and sending similar garbage, though not this level of harassment. Sorry for what you're going through; I hope he stays away and that he eventually sorts himself out.

@Giraffey1 Cool your jets, I didn't have the whole day to read the whole thread.

I think cutting him off completely may be a bit harsh. He may well be quite unwell and need support, if it's not his previous style it might be worth going along that plane of thought as lockdown has tipped a lot of people over the edge and you don't want to ruin a friendship if he is genuinely unwell. Some people come out with all manner of paranoid comments and theories in this case.

Is he self isolating? It sounds by the unrelenting and increasingly paranoid emails that he might be having a nervous breakdown

[quote CallmeBadJanet]@Giraffey1 Cool your jets, I didn't have the whole day to read the whole thread.[/quote]
You could at least have done the Op the simple courtesy of reading all her posts, particularly as MN have now made it simplicity itself to do so.

[quote CallmeBadJanet]@Giraffey1 Cool your jets, I didn't have the whole day to read the whole thread.[/quote]
Then maybe don’t respond if you’re too busy and all 🤷‍♀️

In general, so many people haven’t bothered to read the thread and pop up with complete inanities. It’s really rude. As RedDogs says, just ‘See all’ on the OPs posts at the very least.

I’ve just checked- OP has posted a massive 31 times 🙄 All of 10 minutes to read.

@Giraffey1 Gimme a break. I was alarmed by @Brot64s post, because what she described sounded like a mental health crisis, not him being an arsehole, like other posters had said. Oh and the fact that recently a man unknown to me, appeared at my door at 9.30am, completely stark naked proffering a bottle of champagne.

@RedDogsBeg "all her posts" was part of the problem.

I have a “friend” like this. I am utterly convinced he has a brain tumor or chemical Imbalance. He used to be normal. He became a bit weird but in a liking odd conspiracy theories sort of way.
He crossed the line when 4 hours after George Floyd was murdered he posted a conspiracy theory stating George wasn’t an actual person. I lost my shit at him and haven’t spoken to him since.
He genuinely believes he is an alien from a planet that he can name. He keeps telling people he will disappear when they come back for him. He has children because he is in “humanoid form”.
His wife doesn’t know what to do with him.

@Giraffey1 Gimme a break. I was alarmed by @Brot64s post, because what she described sounded like a mental health crisis, not him being an arsehole, like other posters had said. Oh and the fact that recently a man unknown to me, appeared at my door at 9.30am, completely stark naked proffering a bottle of champagne.

Think you are spouting at the wrong person. But while I am here, as you haven’t read the thread at your own admission, how would you know what anyone else was saying? As it happens, most of the posters were concerned the chap was having a MH episode. As you’d have known if you’d made any effort to read just one page.

I’m sorry you had a bad experience with a naked champagne bearer but that doesn’t excuse you from being rude to others.

I posted an update earlier to say that he is now safe and at his parents home. Gained this information from his Ex wife. Some have said that I handled it wrongly or have been dramatic because I may not have experience dealing with MH issues. Correct, I have never had previous experience of dealing with anyone with MH issues. I came on here to ask how people would approach the situation particularly as I had seen someone else who was dealing with her sister, I believe who was/is into the whole Covid conspiracy theories . I could not find the post and as my post was rather lengthy I thought it best to write my own. I am not claiming that the approach I finally took was the best, however there was no other way that I could see to help him. We did not call the police/101 to report him/have him arrested, but rather to get some form of advice on what to do which is exactly what we got.

I called the Ex wife and will keep intouch with her to find out his progress and her wellbeing provided she is willing to share it or discuss it. She is also going through a process of dealing with this, which is more difficult for her than it could ever be for me, therefore I cannot expect her to constantly inform me of the ongoings. I have made it clear to her that I am available if and when she needs help.I intend to contact his parents at a later date to enquire of his wellbeing. I do not think I should contact him directly until he gets some help. The last thing I want to do is agitate him. I do not know what more I could have done.

OP, under the circumstances you have done the right thing. You have no idea, given the sudden change in personality, what he may or may not do ( neither does anyone here either) You are not a doctor and cannot say whether it's a MH illness or not. He is a professional, who may be taking drugs (I have experience of this and that changed the behaviour of a professional family man, resulting in amongst other things, harrassment). It may be his MH, but you can not say for sure that you or your family are safe, given his sudden change of mind. His actions are exteme enough for his DW to call the police and remove him from his home and DC's.

You've done what you needed to at the time, so please don't question yourself or your DH, despite MN's armchair phsycologists.

It’s definitely a breakdown. A lot of people don’t develop schizophrenia until their late thirties. The pandemic has been hard on many people’s mental health and this man has cracked. This happened to a friend of mine after many personal losses. She had to be sectioned. Her recovery took years. Please don’t try to make inferences about his true nature based on a mental breakdown. It’s normal be to really nasty crazy mean to those you love, believe they have become devil incarnate. The person you knew all those years is the real person. This is just a very bad breakdown. His ex is trying to protect her kids but losing his family is no doubt made it much worse.

[quote JingsMahBucket]@Brot64
We also have work phones although he hasn't contacted us there yet. As a business we also have a website and twitter and every ping on my phone is making me jumpy, because am worried it might be him.

Block him on all your businesses' social media pages immediately so that he can't make comments there, especially FB and Instagram. Also block him on LinkedIn and advise your mother to do the same. Yes to creating an email rule so that his emails automatically go to special folder and you don't have to see them. Only check it once a day or once every couple of days to make sure he isn't planning to visit you or something.

I would also start notifying all your female friends about this via social media, either a large post or individually via messenger and relaying it to them. You can use WhatsApp too if need be. Tell them to block him. I had to do this years ago with a shitty and abusive ex. I made a FB post telling all my friends to block the guy and gave a link to his profile specifically so they could do so. It worked and we collectively shut down his bullshit.

I would go back to his ex and provide her with the evidence you have to show that you're on her side and willing to help with the divorce. She probably feels like she's fighting an uphill battle with trying to get the courts to believe her.

Last thing: STOP feeling guilty and sorry for him and start getting angry that he's threatening your family, peace of mind, and livelihood. His mental health isn't your concern or your little project. Free yourself from that "wife work" that society tells women they should do for (broken) men. Fuck him. He's crossed the line, repeatedly.[/quote]
My god some of you are so selfish. How would you like to be treated if you had a psychotic breakdown? Or do you think it could never happen? I’m sorry but this reads like the OP is enjoying the drama. At her friend’s expense. I hope he never sees all this and you get the thread deleted. It could happen to anyone.
Unbelievable- people suggesting his career should be ended and calling him a cunt! And advising op to get all over SM to warn others about him! All you need to do if you can’t help is block. Absolutely no need to be involved. Hopefully you’ll never suffer such a crisis yourself. I really can’t feel sorry for the op because pasting all the texts etc is awful. Really disingenuous to be calling his family for updates and then posting here.
Hopefully this man makes a full recovery and makes some new friends.

I couldn't cope with that and would suggest he takes a break from news / social media. I would just tell him straight that I couldn't cope with his communication and if it continues I would block.

@Cissyandflora, speaking as someone who has seen two individuals close to me suffer psychotic breakdowns, my advice would always be the same advice I received from the police and from the MH professionals, and that is to step right back and instead of becoming personally involved to contact police at the smallest hint of threats to self or others or if you become aware that the individual hasn't slept for a few days, or hasn't eaten, or isn't doing any self care.

People suffering a psychotic episode urgently need professional mental health intervention, not cups of tea and platitudes from amateurs.

The police in particular would far prefer to do a wellness check than try to talk someone down off a bridge.

@Cissyandflora

I was not here for any sympathy or drama merely advice which I have received from many. Everyone involved is thankfully safe and hopefully further steps are taken to ensure he gets the help he needs. I took what I thought was the best approach for everyone involved including him and I did mention that we did block him from contacting us on all platforms.

I have asked MN to take this thread down, the purpose of it was for advice. It's served it's purpose.

Thanks everyone for the advice given.

@Brot64 I've read the whole thread and FWIW I think you've handled things really well and with sensitivity. It's clear you care for your friend, and I'm so sad this has happened to him and his family. I hope he gets some help soon. You were right to be careful. Good luck to him, and to you.

@Brot64 Ignore cissy, they’re being an arse. As is anyone else who’s given you grief.

You tried to handle things in the best way you could and sought advice on how to handle the situation. You’ve done nothing wrong.

@Brot64
Just saw your posting and read through your updates

You have done the right thing - both for yourself and family, for your friend and for his Ex

He needs help. He refuses it. By your reporting to the police plus his Ex (and maybe others) hopefully your friend will be forced to get the hell he needs before he escalated things too far with someone or at work.

Please think again about taking this down as it’s useful for others who may experience similar

For what it’s worth, I had similar (though not to this extreme) with my own sibling concerning covid conspiracies and rampant trump supporter. He could only resort to personal verbal attacks on social media and email. He’s completely blocked now. It’s as though there’s something in the water that effects certain people!

Best of luck to you. I hope he now leaves you alone.

I know this has been scary for you OP but I really hope this guy receives the treatment he needs. A mental health crisis can be a worrying time for all involved. You can’t rationalise with someone who’s having a breakdown like this, it’s just not possible so don’t try. Don’t try and make sense of what he’s said.

How difficult for you! Once a good friend, now shows no respect for your thoughts, your work or your wishes. I wish he would stop just because you asked him to.

This is harassment. Tell him he must stop, and if he doesn't, you will have no option but to refer it to the Police, without further reference to him. Make sure you keep copies.

@Brot64 - you have done the right thing at every turn through this - I can only hope that if I developed psychosis that my friends would do as you have done and get me the help I needed from the professionals

[quote Brot64]@Cissyandflora

I was not here for any sympathy or drama merely advice which I have received from many. Everyone involved is thankfully safe and hopefully further steps are taken to ensure he gets the help he needs. I took what I thought was the best approach for everyone involved including him and I did mention that we did block him from contacting us on all platforms.

I have asked MN to take this thread down, the purpose of it was for advice. It's served it's purpose.

Thanks everyone for the advice given. [/quote]
You've handled the whole situation well. Good luck.