Friend driving us up the walls.

[Brot64]

Read a somewhat similar post here last night but cannot find it, so cannot contribute or ask what needs asking.

I have been bombarded with messages, text and emails, from a friend of ours since 6am this morning. I always wake up at 5am so the issue is not the time, more the messages. It's all covid related, conspiracy based articles, PDF's anti vaccine re:covid, how our society is being hijacked, how the world is being reset, how wearing masks is causing ill health particularly dental, the list is endless, followed by numerous messages. He also knows my mother, who use to be a virologist but is now a neuropathologist though not here , and has bombarded her with numerous emails some in which he has stated that the work she did and does is a hoax particularly in relation to virology (she wrote numerous published articles and he seems to be very interested in).

As she has not been responding he asked me to forward and discuss a report with her, we didn't actually discuss it but to calm him (I know, terrible) I did say we have and it's all the same conspiracy view. I have been responding so might have fuelled this, however I have clearly stated that I am not interested in reading anymore of the articles.

DH suggests it's time to call quits on the friendship. We have been friends since university, and all was well until covid and his recent separation. I have very much enjoyed our friendship but now I dread hearing from him. We cannot seem to speak about anything else aside from this. Am I being insensitive here? If you wouldn’t end the friendship, what approach would you take considering that simply telling him, we have different views and I wouldn’t be reading anymore of these articles doesn’t seem to have any effect on him?

Tell the boring bar steward to just quit with the crap. And tell him to get a life and start livinga little

Just be general about it and say that you are having some time away from your phone, laptop etc and won't be answering any messages for a month or so. Hopefully his obsession will fizzle out.

I really hate to be disparaging as you are clearly finding it difficult to deal with your friend's behaviour. It is understandable you were initially sucked into debates about Covid and perhaps you do not have the life experience required to understand patterns in mental health behaviour. However, i find it really hard to understand your attitude to your friend who you have been friends with for 20years and always had a good relationship with. This situation is part and parcel of friendship taking the rough with the smooth and supporting your friend through this or finding a way to communicate with him or show you care is part of being a good friend. I wouldn't be so concerned about how exhausted you are dealing with it, but I would focus on helping your friend and not betraying your friendship. Quite shocked at your attitude and those of others.

@Astressie

I really hate to be disparaging as you are clearly finding it difficult to deal with your friend's behaviour. It is understandable you were initially sucked into debates about Covid and perhaps you do not have the life experience required to understand patterns in mental health behaviour. However, i find it really hard to understand your attitude to your friend who you have been friends with for 20years and always had a good relationship with. This situation is part and parcel of friendship taking the rough with the smooth and supporting your friend through this or finding a way to communicate with him or show you care is part of being a good friend. I wouldn't be so concerned about how exhausted you are dealing with it, but I would focus on helping your friend and not betraying your friendship. Quite shocked at your attitude and those of others.

His MH problems are not the OP's to solve. And he called her mother a nazi. She has tried really hard but he is harassing her and her family. Having boundaries with friends, even if they have MH issues, is absolutely the right thing to do.

And (not directed at you) I know mn is dreadful for people not bothering to read the thread but when they are about something fairly serious, it's so bloody crass and disrespectful. I'm embarrassed for you.

My cousin is going through the same nonsense and posting really bizarre stuff on Facebook. She said all nurses are liars and in cahoots with the government, Bill Gates etc. My sister is an auxiliary nurse so I just unfriended her.

She is saying things like Tom Hanks is getting some drug that is extracted from abducted and tortured children that keeps him young and most of the celebs are into it...Oprah Winfrey, Celine Dionne...oh lots of them.

Now my husbands cousin is into it all too. She said she is now awake and isn't sleeping at night researching stuff. My husband has spoken to her dad and asked him to keep a close eye on her.

These conspiracy theories have really taken hold of a lot of people, it is really scary.

Perhaps tell your friend that you will not respond to anything related to civil, vaccines, trafficked children, canabalsim etc so not to expect a response but anything else you will respond.

I would keep away for a while though. I am hoping something happens to make them realise that what they are reading and bekieving is fake.

Good luck!

Both the police and his ex have advised you not to engage with him any further. That's good advice.

I have every sympathy for people with MH issues, but it's up to him to seek help. It's not the OP's responsibility to help him, nor is it within her power.

Even if people are suffering from poor mental health, boundaries need to be set. Simply tolerating this guy's harassment and misogynistic language is not going to help him get better.

Block him, he's batshit.

Seems a bit aggressive , opinions are like A*%7H+€42! Everyone has them but we don’t all need to air them . It’s a bit extreme contacting your mum and badgering you all day with his opinions . What does he want ? You to agree with him! Then what , conversation is over and you go back to talking about other stuff? Weird . I would be frank and direct. Thanks for all the stuff you have sent over however my head is overloaded and tbh I couldn’t give a rats A##e! Why do some ppl have to be so weird ??? Feel for you.

I would send a message across without being personal. Just say "dear friend. I decided that I don't want to discuss about covid-19 anymore. Happy to chat about positive things and the future! This subject makes me anxious. I am sure you understand. Xoxo"

If someone is hypomanic or manic it is not up to them to seek help with their MH - they don't think there's anything wrong with them.

Hes unwell and part of him knows that... he's backing you into a corner so you will react by dumping him this way he doesn't have to confront his demons . It often happens to blokes who have been through an emotional trauma. People I know with paranoid schizophrenia do just this . Contacting your mum is a classic manipulation . I agree with the others posters . Tell him to stop or you will block..remind him that he can always contact you using Dead Tree Post, and that you are always ready to chat about what ever it was you used to chat about

Wish people would RTFT!

perhaps you do not have the life experience required to understand patterns in mental health behaviour

I work in mental health. OP has done very well by her friend and her behaviour and the thoughts and feelings she has expressed do not deserve censure. Far from it. I think your post is both unfair and unhelpful.

Was he always into conspiracy theories or just since his separation and lockdown? If always then cut him loose. If recent, just tell him you're happy to be friends but won't engage him on anything conspiracy theory related then mute your chats and check in weekly maybe?

@Throckmorton

“Wish people would RTFT!”

What’s been missed then?

I think the fact he's going for your mum is enough grounds to tell him to fuck off, tbh. I'd be livid if someone was doing that to mine.

@aivilodraw - people telling the OP how to respond to the man's initial emails, without realising the thread has moved on quite a bit, the man's been blocked, ex has been contacted and police called.

[quote Throckmorton]@aivilodraw - people telling the OP how to respond to the man's initial emails, without realising the thread has moved on quite a bit, the man's been blocked, ex has been contacted and police called.[/quote]
That's a relief, tbh.

I'm not into conspiracy theories myself but I had a friend who used to be, and he's over it now. He had MH issues and fell down the rabbit hole and it took him a long time to get out. He's gone the opposite way now, he's a huge cynic.

I'm glad your friend is out the other side PhilSwagielka - it's scary stuff

@TheSparklyPussycat

If someone is hypomanic or manic it is not up to them to seek help with their MH - they don't think there's anything wrong with them.

I can certainly attest to this!

I hope he gets the help he needs.

[quote Throckmorton]@aivilodraw - people telling the OP how to respond to the man's initial emails, without realising the thread has moved on quite a bit, the man's been blocked, ex has been contacted and police called.[/quote]
@Throckmorton

Oh yes sorry. And let’s be honest after reporting someone to the police the friendship is 100% over!

Be HONEST! Tell him to stop the crap he is sending you or you will have to end the friendship... Your DH is right!

What gets me about the tone of the messages - and conspiracy theorists in general, I might add - is how bloody patronising they are. They have a tendency to talk down to people and act like they know some Great Truth and we're all just a bunch of ignorant savages who Need To Be Educated. I cannot stand people like that as being talked down to is a huge berserk button.

You're well shot of him, OP.

Hi - I haven’t followed all of these threads apologies, but just one thought. A small minority of people who catch covid apparently get psychosis.

I only discovered this when one of my closest lovely friends was (I almost can’t write it - was unbelievable) sectioned after two weeks of turning from a sensible very bright lawyer to - I won’t go into the details but a complete lunatic.

She was hospitalised, got better and is now back home and seems fine. No other history - was out of the blue. Anyway - just a thought, although this seems to have gone on a long time.