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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married man. I know IABU

232 replies

Ellia28 · 09/08/2020 22:43

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months.
His wife is pregnant.
We've shared pics, had video chats, spoken about everything for hours and made plans to meet.
I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though.
Should I say something or just block him?

OP posts:
ClamDango · 10/08/2020 15:12

Its not you he needs to work through it with, its his wife. Block. Dont contact him ever again or message his wife. He is a liar, a cheat and a complete waste of your energy.

Dazzedandconfused · 10/08/2020 15:13

I believe that OP didnt know he was married. In my experience these arseholes are good at playing both sides. My ex's mistress was genuinely heartbroken when she reached out to me to tell me what happened. I wasnt pregnant but had been with him 4 years and it crushed me.
I think you know you need to block him and cut this loser out your life completely but it's down to your own conscious if you want to tell his girlfriend. Just be aware she wont believe you unless you have proof he can't 'explain' and even at that you will be the home wrecker. Good luck whatever you decide Flowers

Bateshotel · 10/08/2020 15:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Frownette · 10/08/2020 15:20

@MrDarcysMa

So he lied to you all along too? Sounds like a right catch Hmm
Not OP's fault
CrazyToast · 10/08/2020 15:28

There's no easy way to get over it, unfortunately. It is good you have ended it. Now block him and go NC. Don't engage in any back-and-forth with him---there is nothing he can say or do which will fix this damage. The only thing to do is let it go. It will hurt like hell for a while, but over time you will feel better and better until one day you don't really remember him much any more or how you felt. You will be free, and you will know in your heart that you did the right thing. Sorry this happened OP.

MashedSpud · 10/08/2020 15:48

“We can work through it.”.........

What a scumbag piece of shit. His wife is carrying his child and he’s spending his time trying to hook up with other women.

Original poster
Ellia28 · 10/08/2020 15:57

Thank you CrazyToast that's actually really helped.

OP posts:
MumsyMumIAmNot · 10/08/2020 16:20

People on here having a go at the OP probably have partners with the wondering eye and it is a bit to close to home. Ignore them OP!

Emeraldshamrock · 10/08/2020 16:25

He is a shit OP. You deserve better he lead you to believe he was single he's proved himself as a liar to you too.

cakewench · 10/08/2020 16:37

HE has led you on and HE is the problem here. I can’t believe how many people are coming after you for this.

You didn’t know, but now you do, and now that you do, you need to dump his sorry ass. Whatever you like about him is likely a lie, given how easily he’s lied about everything else. Nothing good can come of this.

I’m sorry he’s put you in this situation and wasted your time. He sounds like a real shit.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 10/08/2020 17:19

I think you have displayed dignity and grace OP, and I admire you for it, for whatever that's worth. I do think you have made the right call re: telling his wife, although I wouldn't have held it against you if you had. I wish you all the very best in healing your heart. You did not deserve this, and I earnestly hope that the next man you connect with is on your level. You deserve nothing less.

Original poster
Ellia28 · 10/08/2020 17:47

Thank you, Anti, I appreciate that.

OP posts:
Pumpkinnose · 10/08/2020 17:49

This hurts really badly now but one day it will feel like you dodged a bullet. Stay strong and move on. And I don’t think it’s your place to tell his wife. You concentrate on you and healing yourself x

whishtyournoise · 10/08/2020 17:51

I feel sorry for you as an unwitting participant in this. You are right to sack him off far and fast. What a bellend he is.

RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder · 10/08/2020 17:54

Block him right now.

At the moment you and his partner are the victim of this utterly shit human, the second you message him again or begin to engage and let him talk you round, you join his team as utterly shit human.

What he’s done is horribly cruel to you. Don’t reward him for that, and don’t let him drag you into being someone awful. You are better than this.

Block. Move on. Ignore all communication from him. Anything else is inexcusable.

eatsleepread · 10/08/2020 17:56

Don't you feel angry with him, on a personal level? Of course I feel furious and sad for his pregnant partner. But if we're bringing it back to you, what are your feelings on him leading you down the garden path?

Tistheseason17 · 10/08/2020 17:57

OP, you are just as much a victim as his wife.
He presented a sanitised, romantic version of himself until you had feelings and then dumped this on you.
He is despicable and you deserve better, as does his wife.

In terms of telling his wife, it's a tough one. I'd want to know, but others would not. His type of behaviour reeks of someone who has done this before and this is not a one-off.

Have you blocked him, yet?

Enderman · 10/08/2020 18:10

Hmm if I were the wife I would want to know. You could well be one of many he’s talking to you know.

Original poster
Ellia28 · 10/08/2020 18:16

Eat yes I am angry and hurt. But, I feel more sorry for his wife. I can't bring myself to tell her and destroy her world. Maybe that makes me a coward, I don't know.

Many of you have said that being pregnant is the most vulnerable time of your life, so who am I to put this on her too?

I do believe she deserves to know. I just don't think it's my place to tell her. Perhaps I'm wrong.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 10/08/2020 19:10

hard one ellia-i usually say they have a right to know which they do but shes pregnant and it cold really affect that

but then he'll prob move on to hsi next victim and still hurt his partner if she knows she can decide if she wants to try and make it work or not

eatsleepread · 10/08/2020 19:15

@Ellia28

You sound like a good person, and you will figure it out.
Good luck.

Bigkingdom · 10/08/2020 20:57

Block.

A male uni friend of mine who i considered a ‘friend’ declared a few months ago he fancies me and wants to sleep with me! He said he would give up his wife and home for me.

Guess what i did? Told him to learn some respect for his wife and BLOCKED him, his number, his facebook and any other social media contact of him.

You shouldn’t really need to be told what you should do.

Passiveaggressivewoman · 10/08/2020 20:58

OP - Why am I soooo annoyed that you even have to ask about what to do, when you find out the man you have been talking to is married with a pregnant wife?! angry]

drmothy · 10/08/2020 21:18

You deserve so so much better than this guy. Block him, live through the pain and one day you will be proud that you did. His wife deserves better too.

MilerVino · 10/08/2020 21:48

OP - Why am I soooo annoyed that you even have to ask about what to do, when you find out the man you have been talking to is married with a pregnant wife?! angry]

She wasn't asking what to do, but how to do it. And since she started this thread she has ended it with him.

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