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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married man. I know IABU

232 replies

Ellia28 · 09/08/2020 22:43

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months.
His wife is pregnant.
We've shared pics, had video chats, spoken about everything for hours and made plans to meet.
I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though.
Should I say something or just block him?

OP posts:
MizMoonshine · 09/08/2020 23:02

Tell his wife.
Then block the cunt.

Original poster
Ellia28 · 09/08/2020 23:02

Thanks @Cuddling57 I appreciate that.

I know it's grim and I'm an idiot. Also, I don't "go after" married men. I didn't want this situation to happen.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 09/08/2020 23:04

I didn't want this situation to happen.

Yet you're carrying on? Hmm

Patbutcherismyhero · 09/08/2020 23:04

Ridiculously harsh and unnecessary comments. Calling op revolting etc isn't fair. If she didn't know at the start then she didn't 'go after a married man' did she?

But absolutely call it off op. It may be hard but now you know the truth you know what the right thing to do is. His poor wife. I suspect you aren't the first or last. You can't help not knowing at the start but you need to act responsibly now.

OhCaptain · 09/08/2020 23:06

The situation didn’t “happen”.

You found out he’s married and didn’t immediately walk away.

That’s not something that’s happening to you. That’s something you’re choosing.

echodot · 09/08/2020 23:07

@Ellia28

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months. His wife is pregnant. We've shared pics, had video chats, spoken about everything for hours and made plans to meet. I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though. Should I say something or just block him?
I have been the pregnant wife. How dare you collude with him to an [emotional] affair?? Have you no fucking scruples?? Block, ghost or tell him to just leave you alone, the utter piece of shit that he is. Don't come back on here crying that he's dumped you after shagging you
kazzer2867 · 09/08/2020 23:08

I know it's grim and I'm an idiot. Also, I don't "go after" married men. I didn't want this situation to happen.

Maybe not OP, but you know now. The prick of a 'husband' obviously won't do the right thing, but there's nothing stopping you from doing the right thing.

Lockheart · 09/08/2020 23:10

@echodot in your rush to be outraged and to kick the OP when she's down, you have completely failed to notice that she didn't know he was married until recently. So I'm not sure what "colluding" you think has been happening.

roboticaw · 09/08/2020 23:11

I'm not sure what you hoped to gain from posting this on Mumsnet. You won't get any sympathy unfortunately. Quite the opposite.
I'm
Genuinely curious as to why you thought posting would be helpful?

wildcherries · 09/08/2020 23:12

@OhCaptain

The situation didn’t “happen”.

You found out he’s married and didn’t immediately walk away.

That’s not something that’s happening to you. That’s something you’re choosing.

Spot on.

He's a piece of shit to do this to a pregnant wife. Set your bar (a lot!) higher.

ShebaShimmyShake · 09/08/2020 23:13

I have been the pregnant wife. How dare you collude with him to an [emotional] affair?? Have you no fucking scruples?? Block, ghost or tell him to just leave you alone, the utter piece of shit that he is. Don't come back on here crying that he's dumped you after shagging you

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your husband is/was a total shit who didn't keep his commitment to you and your shared child.

Patriciawentworth · 09/08/2020 23:13

I would run from this man. He offers nothing but unhappiness, which could have a really negative effect on your life. The likelihood of his leaving his pregnant wife is zero. Zilch. It just doesn’t happen.
I would cut him off immediately & focus on meeting someone without this baggage - someone reliable and loving who can commit.
Also, think about how you found yourself in this position. He has taken advantage of you: what made this possible?

MashedSpud · 09/08/2020 23:15

Block him.

He’s lied to you by not being honest from the start and he’s lying to his wife.

He will tell you the usual lies if you probe like they don’t sleep together, he doesn’t want to be with her but she’s pregnant etc etc.

Do you really want a lying cheat?

Viviennemary · 09/08/2020 23:16

You both deserve each other.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 09/08/2020 23:17

OP, you know you have to walk away. If I were you, I'd just send a message saying 'I can't do this. It's not fair on your wife. She needs to be your priority & you need to focus on her.' Then block. Yes, it will hurt, yes, you'll have moments when temptation will whisper in your ear, but do it now before you get pulled in any further. Both you & his wife deserve better.

roarfeckingroarr · 09/08/2020 23:18

You're as bad as him if you carry this on. Get a grip - he is married and his wife is pregnant.

Wilko312 · 09/08/2020 23:18

You got involved in a man for 6 months didn't know he was married or his wife was expecting? Pull the fucking other one.

You are the lesser guilty party here but you are still guilty so block him and move on.

Original poster
Ellia28 · 09/08/2020 23:19

I have been the pregnant wife. How dare you collude with him to an [emotional] affair?? Have you no fucking scruples?? Block, ghost or tell him to just leave you alone, the utter piece of shit that he is. Don't come back on here crying that he's dumped you after shagging you

I am sorry this happened to you. Really, I am. But I have not been colluding with him.

OP posts:
SunshineOnATrainToday · 09/08/2020 23:21

Ewww. You found out he was married with a pregnant wife and you are still in contact? Grim. The minute you found out, you should have stopped contact and blocked him.

Gubbeen · 09/08/2020 23:21

So you’ve literally just found out today that he’s married with at least one child on the way?

Yellownotblue · 09/08/2020 23:22

OP, I know you’re getting a lot of harsh messages but they come from a good place.

Any man who does this to their pregnant wife is not worthy of you.

Please, please walk away from this man who does not respect women. He is being unspeakably cruel to his pregnant wife, and that tells you how he will treat you in the future.

Please block him and never look back. In years to come, you will find great pride in the fact that you did what is undeniably The Right Thing.

PanamaPattie · 09/08/2020 23:23

Yeah right.

Tistheseason17 · 09/08/2020 23:23

So, OP - are you going to take the excellent advice given?

TheSoapyFrog · 09/08/2020 23:24

Block him. Don't engage any further with him. He will tell you everything you want to hear to get you to stay. You will get hurt. His wife will get hurt. You need to be strong and end it now.

Original poster
Ellia28 · 09/08/2020 23:25

Thanks yellow that is very kind of you.

Yes, I will be taking the advice. I didn't want to be in this situation.

OP posts:
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