Married man. I know IABU

[Ellia28]

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months.
His wife is pregnant.
We've shared pics, had video chats, spoken about everything for hours and made plans to meet.
I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though.
Should I say something or just block him?

@Wilko312

You got involved in a man for 6 months didn't know he was married or his wife was expecting? Pull the fucking other one.

You are the lesser guilty party here but you are still guilty so block him and move on.

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months.

@Wilko312 read the opening post - speaking to, not seeing - comprehension is key 🙄

It sounds like he duped you at the start. But this weak, dishonest, faithless man is not worth your time...

You shouldn't even need to ask. You should be raging. Block him and find somebody better and I hope his pregnant girlfriend or wife does too.

End all contact, just after telling him why.

Well I expect it has touched a nerve with a lot of people. We all know somebody whose partner has done the dirty on them even though we might not have experienced it ourselves. OP hasn't even met this person yet. So far it's all in her mind. He might not even be who he says he is.

Yet again some MN’s line up to demonstrate their lack of compassion & insight. Of course he’s a shit. Get rid of him and move on to someone who you can have a fulfilling, happy relationship with. There’s plenty of good ones out there. You’ll find Mr Right xxx

Ignore the people determined to swing at you; it’s not helpful & they know it. Just do what you know is right & you’ll be fine.

I don't think people are reading the OPs post properly. I read it that she is going to stop it, but doesn't know whether to talk to him about it first or block him without warning. I don't think it's very helpful to give her a stream of abuse. This is meant to be a grown-up's forum.

For crying our loud!

You know yourself you are BU.

Do you think he will treat you any better than he treats his poor wide?

Run for the hills before you have any real involvement with him.

I apologise if this sounds harsh, but honestly, you need a good shake!

@elia
I hope you don't feel too shredded by the 'sour ones' working on their own agendas overnight.
May I suggest that just blocking him and remaining silent is all he deserves. But this is not about him, it is about you.

It is such a pity for you that he has made a fool of you. Of course you feel let down and generally in a heap.
Is it that you want to tell him how hurtful this has been to you?
That will not be easy to find the words. However you phrase it will I think make you feel better than if you just go silent. Please, do it soonest.

OP, there is nothing good for you here.
The most you can hope for is to be a bit in the dude for a man with no respect for women, or else be the partner if a man who is prepared to be dishonest to a pregnant partner and abandon his baby. Plus until you knew this, he lied by omission to you.

Be the first in this ‘affair’ to show some integrity, and walk away while you still have your self respect. It doesn’t matter whether you just block or say something and then block, the means isn’t the important bit. Getting him out of his life is.

If you send a Message, block him after. Do not engage in conversation about it. Your boundaries are too porous and vulnerable at present: he will talk you round.

@Yellownotblue

OP, I know you’re getting a lot of harsh messages but they come from a good place.

Any man who does this to their pregnant wife is not worthy of you.

Please, please walk away from this man who does not respect women. He is being unspeakably cruel to his pregnant wife, and that tells you how he will treat you in the future.

Please block him and never look back. In years to come, you will find great pride in the fact that you did what is undeniably The Right Thing.

I know of a man who cheated on his fiance just after she'd given birth.

He started shagging the new woman, got her pregnant, persuaded her to have an abortion because he was still trying to get back with his ex. Then he went through with their next pregnancy because she rejected him (because obviously he isn't using protection), later got a conviction for drink driving almost losing them their livelihood (which is provided by the second girl's family).

He comes first in every single decision he makes. It's never a question of being torn between love and responsibility. It's ALL about him.

Send him a message saying you don't want any further contact from him because he is married with a baby on the way and then block him on everything. Don't even wait for his response.

I believe you when you say you didn't know at first. There are plenty of lying shits out there. Now you do know, it's your responsibility to end this immediately.

You were a victim of his lies ( as is his wife) but don’t allow him to continue being deceitful now that you know the truth or enabling him to hurt someone he committed to.
He’s shown his true character, this is not the sort of partner you want, so consider yourself lucky and walk away

It’s really, really simple. Right now he is an internet fling who lied to you. You can eject him from your life and save yourself a whole heap of shit (pity his poor wife, though, who can’t!). You can walk away head held high, no real damage done to you, ready to meet someone available and hopefully more honest and decent.

Or you can plunge right on in to an affair with a shit of a man who would cheat on his partner at her most vulnerable and become somebody you won’t be able to look at in the mirror.

Your choice.

@SurreyHillsGirl

you've had some very brutal responses here, try not to take them to heart too much

Terrible advice. You actually really do need to take the advice you have received to heart and I haven't been cheated on, my marriage is v happy; know that you don't have to be a victim of a cheater to know that what you are doing is utterly reprehensible.

Hmm @SurreyHillsGirl stop using your bitter experiences as a stick with which to beat the OP.

She has been ridiculously brave in coming on here and stating she wants to leave him, but emotionally he has been a prick and entangled her to a point where it's painful to let go.

So why can't folk just accept that she WANTS to leave him, didn't KNOW he was married, but could do with some supportive advice from the sisterhood, rather than abuse from bitter people who secretly wish they could be having this conversation with the other woman in their scenario.

Ive been the pregnant GF in this situation. I wish one of the OW had had the balls to tell me at the time and saved me from years being a dormat.

Hi Elia28, please finish it. Close the door firmly and don’t look back. It won’t ever go anywhere and it will be YOU that comes off worse should you continue. Feel free to message me if ever you feel the need. Take care.

He's married. His wife is pregnant. You know this, he knows this.

He is a shit husband.

Stop going after a married man wife a pregnant wife - don't be that woman

No good will come from this, you will be the one that gets hurt, you will be to blame when (and it's always when, not if) the wife finds out because it is ALWAYS the OW fault. He definitely isn't going to leave his wife for you, regardless of what he says, if he was he would have left by now. Walk away now.

Oh goodness, no, don't block him or remove him from your life. Pursue a relationship with him, hope he leaves his wife, help him financially as he pays her maintenance for the next 18 years (or help him come up with reasons why he's justified in never paying a penny for his child) and bear his children yourself. Why wouldn't you?

No, really, why wouldn't you do that? How do you think that would go?

He's treated both you and his pregnant wife like scum on his shoe and the most plausible reason for this is because that's exactly how he views you both, whatever he knows he has to say out loud to keep getting what he wants from you both.

Find your anger, OP!

(If it were me I'd also be letting his poor wife know too so that she can make her own eyes-open decisions about her life, but I know people have different views on that).

Tell her. She deserves to know the truth.

Then walk away and consider some therapy. Not meant unkindly at all. You are worth more than this and you need help to see it.

As for him, he created this mess and he will have to live with the consequences.

Did I say she was seeing him?! I said 'got involved'... comprehension IS key isn't it! 🖕

The above is Hadjab as it wouldn't let me quote.

Just block. Move on. I'm afraid I got involved with a married man. I'm not proud. He has 4 kids. I found it exciting, I met him twice. He ghosted me during lockdown. I wish I had blocked him first

Op is keeping very quiet whilst this bum right goes on.
Is this a genuine post?
If it is,op,have you got the advice you wanted and have you ended things?

@AnyFucker

Op has created an awful lot of froth with just a few carefully chosen sentences

Bravo 👏👏

Because when in doubt, Don't Believe Her is the motto on AIBU.