Married man. I know IABU

[Ellia28]

I have been speaking to him for about 6 months.
His wife is pregnant.
We've shared pics, had video chats, spoken about everything for hours and made plans to meet.
I did not know any of this at the start, but now I do and I'm struggling to let go. I know I have to though.
Should I say something or just block him?

you've had some very brutal responses here, try not to take them to heart too much. This is understandable given that many women have been cheated on in this way but although you do hold some responsibility he is the one that's married with a baby on the way, not you.

She knows he's got a wife and a baby on the way. She absolutely should just fucking disentangle herself from it.

Like you even need to come on here to ask?? I would think any decent moral person would instantly know what they need to do. But as you’re actually having to ask, then I’m doubtful you are serious about blocking him. Would you seriously be happy hitching yourself to someone with a moral compass set at zero? And if your answer is yes, then crack on.

Think OP just needs to get her head around it - it's not nice being deceived.

Hopefully he's blocked now.

The way the vitriol is always aimed at the woman, regardless of the fact that he’s the fucking hell hound cheating on his wife, is depressing.

The man is the shitebag in any situation where he is cheating, that's obvious.

But a woman who continues having an affair with a man who has kids is no person I'd like to know either. That kind of woman is happy with a man who is happy to abandon his kids, for sex. To ruin his kids lives, for sex. Why is that such a catch to some women? To me, they are no better, they are heartless.

@GennyCrabby sure, I agree. I just don't think it helps to make her feel like total shit when she clearly knows it's wrong and has to end. That's how you chase a person off a thread and stop them listening to anything helpful.

If she ‘clearly knows it’s wrong’ why does she even need to come on here to ask what to do? It’s pretty obvious. People aren’t criticising her for what happened before she knew. But she now knows, so if she continues then she is complicit in it all, so should be criticised. If a man I was seeing suddenly disclosed this, my skin would crawl, and I’d instantly step back\block because he’s not who I thought he was and is a shit. Why would anyone find it difficult to block someone who clearly is a nasty individual?

My lovely, if you become involved with him, he will sadly only do the same to you.

You will never be able to trust him.

Wow I really would not want to be with a man like this!

Why would you even want him?
It is utterly awful to do this to his wife, particularly when she is pregnant, does that not say it all? What more proof do you need?
I would run for the hills and then the mountains! A nasty bit of work that will end up hurting all of you, he has no respect for you, no respect for his wife and he is using everyone around him.

Get rid and never look back! For your own protection.

@Livelovebehappy

If she ‘clearly knows it’s wrong’ why does she even need to come on here to ask what to do? It’s pretty obvious. People aren’t criticising her for what happened before she knew. But she now knows, so if she continues then she is complicit in it all, so should be criticised. If a man I was seeing suddenly disclosed this, my skin would crawl, and I’d instantly step back\block because he’s not who I thought he was and is a shit. Why would anyone find it difficult to block someone who clearly is a nasty individual?

Because maybe she's become attached to him after 6 months and she's reeling from the shock?

You only have to read the relationships board to see how difficult people find it to leave abusers, cheaters, criminals etc. When you're emotionally involved not everything is black and white.

@Rosehip10

Grow up

People who say that usually need to turn their advice inwards.

OP has done nothing wrong here as she didn't know he was married.

She is very bravely sharing her pain and how difficult it is to let go of something when you've been duped.

Unsurprisingly however it's the binary, bitter crew who are lining up to take shots at the OP for even wrangling with emotion here.

Of course she should just "block and delete" but if she had, you wouldn't be here talking about this would you.

I feel very sorry for his wife, she may not have had the opportunity to see the nasty side of him, and is now pregnant with his child while he continues to chase other women. Won't that be something for you to look forward to - not!

Completely agree with @Lockheart this is spot on.

Some disgusting posts here.

Has no one got an ounce of compassion for the OP?
SHE HASN'T EVEN MET THIS MAN! Just found out he is married.

So many perfect posters here who are SO good at dishing out their advice

OP, I'm sorry this man lied to you. I can understand you have developed feelings and can't switch them off in a few seconds.

However, you asked if you should speak to him or block him.

Well, maybe you can tell him that now you know he is married, you want no more contact. Then block him.

I'm sorry you have found yourself in this position. From what you say you have not met, only planned to, so nothing terrible has happened.

For the benefit of people who cannot comprehend a post- she knows what to, she is asking for help HOW TO DO IT.

OP, I sympathise with you. I have been in the same position, many years ago. Leaving him was painful, but not really much worse than the pain of discovering he’d been lying to me, and his wife, since we met. Everything I thought I knew about him was fake. The sooner you do it, the sooner you’ll mend. As it turns out, he had done the same at least twice before. Leave now and keep your self-respect.

My friend got together with a married man. No children but he ended up leaving his wife for her. Together for a few years, not married but had a child together and guess what? Leaves her for another woman (who was also married). Moves to a different country and has 2 kids with the new woman. He’s a scum bag and so is this man. You’ve got your rose tinted glasses on. People can be whoever they want to be online. Real life is a different story.

Meant to say — the only way is to make a clean break. Block him. He will get some more fun from stringing you along if he can.

lockheart but she became attached to someone who doesn’t exist. She thought he was a good decent person. But now knows he’s not. If I was seeing someone and found out he was married with a child on the way it would instantly change my opinion of him. How can you struggle to detach with someone who has not only deceived his wife, but has also deceived OP. And tbh 6 months is absolutely no time at all. I can’t think that someone has attached themselves so emotionally after such a short period. She’s done nothing wrong. Yet. But if she continues to engage with him now, then she is behaving badly.

you've had some very brutal responses here, try not to take them to heart too much

Terrible advice. You actually really do need to take the advice you have received to heart and I haven't been cheated on, my marriage is v happy; know that you don't have to be a victim of a cheater to know that what you are doing is utterly reprehensible.

@JinglingHellsBells 100% agree

@Ellia28 personally I would send one message stating that you know he is married and his wife is pregnant, that you want nothing to do with him and that he is to never contact you again. Then block him on every platform.

Just blocking him he might try to contact you out of faux concern cos he hasn’t heard from you.

sorry you were pulled in by a cheating manipulative ass. Remember trusting someone and being duped is not a reflection of you, your actions upon finding out the truth however are.

I didn't want this situation to happen.

And you can end it. All the opprobrium that is currently being directed at you should all be piled on him. You say you had plans to meet - so presumably you haven't met him. This is on him. He's the one deceiving his wife and deceiving you. He's the garbage that needs throwing out.

As to how, or how to make it easier for you, bear in mind all you really have is words on a screen. You never really knew him. He was playing a part. So you're not really giving anything up. The man you thought you were interested in doesn't exist. The man that does exist is morally reprehensible, disloyal, dishonest, and capable of cheating on a pregnant woman. Now you know this it will be easier to let go. You're letting go of someone vile, not the person you thought he was.

Block him, distract yourself. Exercise, meet up with friends, get away from the screen for a while. It will pass, because it wasn't real.

And to all the people giving the OP a hard time - how will that help her end this? She'll just leave the thread. You might feel better, but it won't change the situation for anyone involved.

@Livelovebehappy

lockheart but she became attached to someone who doesn’t exist. She thought he was a good decent person. But now knows he’s not. If I was seeing someone and found out he was married with a child on the way it would instantly change my opinion of him. How can you struggle to detach with someone who has not only deceived his wife, but has also deceived OP. And tbh 6 months is absolutely no time at all. I can’t think that someone has attached themselves so emotionally after such a short period. She’s done nothing wrong. Yet. But if she continues to engage with him now, then she is behaving badly.

And so have all the other women on the relationships board who suddenly discover their boyfriend / partner / husband is a piece of shit.

That doesn't make it any easier or less painful.

6 months is half a year. It's not "no time at all". People fall in love and get married in less. I might think that's a bit soon but that's not my business.

@SurreyHillsGirl Glad you got that off your chest? The OP asked for advice how to end it. Have you actually read her posts or just the subject line?
she hasn't met him
she's just found out he is married
she's developed feelings for him based on 6 months of chatting NOT knowing he was married.

Maybe an ounce of sympathy might help?

Op has created an awful lot of froth with just a few carefully chosen sentences

Bravo 👏👏